[Burbitine]

The girl i was dating for 6 months broke up with me. The same girl who i caught cheating got into a fistfight with. Yes that same girl. I told my T this. (not mentioning her real name out of Trust Issues). Anyway she had broke up with me a month ago. I didnt take this well and we started fighting. And we fought your typical teenage fight... taken to the extreme. I said and did things that I am deeply ashamed of myself. However she sunk to a new low and was well able to devastate me. I only got her becuase her previous boyfriend hit and quit it and i was one of the few people who was nice to her. She is a beautiful woman who's heart is colder than ice. She was able to cost me most of my friends either through her actions or my reactions. I had sunk to a low that i was deeply ashamed of. Literally all my insults and ways of ruining somebodys life werent able to destroy her. she pretty much smashed through me like a bull through a china shop. I lost completely. I told my T that we got into a fight and that i new her VERY WORST SECRET. (Don't Worry This Is COMPLETELY NOT TRUE) Apparently this got me into trouble. Face it i wish this was true at the end of the onslaught i won through. Looks like a suffered unimagible costs and LOST. I lost my frineds and realized that i will never get laid recover my losses and live a crappy life great. No love or help for me
Any Advice for me

[Elysium]

Advice ~ Stop getting into relationships at this point in your life. You do not seem like you are emotionally mature enough to handle them.

Seek treatment for your disorders.

Also, stop physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusing/injuring people you supposedly care about.

Oh, and please...if you're going to post graphic material in your threads...use the trigger icon and maybe a trigger spoiler in the title. Better yet, please stop posting graphic discriptions of your violence. It is triggering and offensive.

[lost13]

take a break and get your life back

I haven't heard the entire story, so correct me if I'm wrong... It seems like you're treating this relationship like it was a game. It also sounds like you haven't taken much responsibility for your own actions, only caring about "losing" instead of the way you treated her. If that's the case, I agree with Elysium and lost in that you should take a break from dating until you realize what it actually means to love someone.

[NuckingFutz]

It sounds like you are devistated that you lost in your distructive campaign against someone you dated. You say she has a heart of ice, perhaps if you work on your issues and learn that relationships are about what is in the best interest of your partner.

[Yoda]

Hi, Burbitine,

First let me say that I am glad that you are still posting here at Psychcentral. If you sincerely want to make changes in your life you can likely find advice and support here.

Second I am sorry about the loss of your girlfriend and the problems with your therapist and all. The girlfriend sounds like she had some problems of her own and perhaps wasn't the best choice for a relationship. But also I think you need to own what is/was your fault in this downward spiral. Not that you should feel guilty but unless you can identify your problem you cannot work to change.

Third you seem to often refer to what is happening in your life as winning and losing. That is pretty black and white thinking. You know what I am saying? Perhaps it would be better to think in terms of learning from your choices/mistakes and making new choices to take your life down a different path.

[Ascension]

I think most of us have at one point behaved in ways that we regret. We all go through some kind of experience where we get upset and behave in ways that we shouldn't. It sounds to me like you know you stooped to a low level and have some regret. I hope you can take this life experience and grow from it. It's this kind of event that can lead to growth if you allow it. I hope you consider regrouping and putting the focus on yourself. If this is your illness then you are just as much a victim as the other parties. That is not to say that we are not accountable for each of our behaviors. If this is illness then get help please. I am sorry you got hurt and hurt others in your pain but please do your best to not feed into chaos in your life. I hope you and everyone involved is okay and that you all learn something from this and make your lives a little better from it.

[A_Long_ways]

First off, you were in a fistfight with a woman? No, that's just not what men do. NEVER raise your hand to a woman, under any circumstance. There are a lot of guys out there that would knock you on your *** if they saw you hit a woman, including myself.

Now, onto the advice. I understand the tit for tat type of fighting. The smallest fight can develop into a huge thing when it really could've been nipped in the bud. A great piece of advice my mother gave me when I was young was "Pick your fights". If you're fighting over every stupid little thing, your words and the act of fighting lose meaning. In a relationship this is extra important, because if you're fighting all the time over small stupid things, when something significant comes along that you deeply care about your arguements will just degenerate into the same small petty things they always have been, and you won't fix real issues because you're too busy fighting about the small insignificant stuff.

You're young, your love life is not over. I know it hurts now, but you will get over it. Don't waste this opportunity to learn from life though. You lead a terrible relationship that missed all of the true meanings of love. Love isn't about winning or losing a fight, love isn't about "getting laid". Love isn't about abusing, mentally or physically, the other person into submission. It's about respect, adoration, and compromise. It's about feeling safe with your significant other and giving them the feeling of safety as well. You made some mistakes and you regret them, that is a good sign. LEARN FROM IT! Never make the same mistake again. If you treat a woman with respect and honor your relationship will flourish. If you try to demand her love through aggression and fighting, you'll be a lonely person for a long time.

I'm glad you came to the website since it shows you do want to change. Take the advice if you can, nobody knows everything, but the people here are very caring and will give it to you straight. Good luck and if you need to talk about anything you can feel free to PM me.

[Burbitine]

Thank you people for the advice. For the graphic content. 1. youre talking to someone spending WAY to much time on 4 chan so what you may call graphic i see as typical. 2. Yes it was inexcusable. But Remember I DIDNT do this. I do have rules in life. And Long ways i am one of those guys she just drove me way over the edge.

[NuckingFutz]

So what you are saying is, is that you did get into a fist fight, but it was not your fault because she drove you to hit her...is that correct? Just trying to understand things.

[Yoda]

Originally Posted by Burbitine

For the graphic content. 1. youre talking to someone spending WAY to much time on 4 chan so what you may call graphic i see as typical.

You and I have discussed this before. Yes I am a /b/tard too but I keep my trolling limited to /b/ . It's not appropriate to act that way on a civilized community. /b/ is described as a board where "people try to shock, entertain, and coax free porn from each other". Encyclopedia Dramatica describes /b/ as "the a$$hole of the Internet". There is a reason why 4chan prohibits under-18 viewing; if that board affects you or what you post on other boards perhaps it might be inappropriate for your level of maturity at this time.

[Burbitine]

She did things that did drive me to the edge. And i wasnt like a beat on her. It was a fair fight

[A_Long_ways]

How are you doing today Burb?

Also, I think he understands what he did was wrong, no need to really continue to ride him about it in my opinion.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by Burbitine

She did things that did drive me to the edge. And i wasnt like a beat on her. It was a fair fight

It doesn't matter what anyone else does or doesn't do. Violence is wrong and unhealthy, whether that is physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual violence.

You say she pushed you to the edge. Are you really so out of control that you can't take accountability for you own actions and behavior? Are you so out of control of yourself that you have no power over yourself to behave in a safe and healthy manner. Or, do you just choose to give up the control you have because it's easier to let yourself fly off the handle and blame someone else for your actions than it is for you to take responsibility.

According to what your original post stated, before it was edited, it didn't sound like a very "fair fight" at all. And I really don't believe there is anything fair about fighting. Someone always gets hurt. What's fair about that?

[Ascension]

When, one's adrenaline gets going there are two options fight or flight. You always have the option to walk away. There is a time and a place for both. This was a walk away situation. Now, if you are unable to do the healthy thing, then maybe you need to get more intensive help with your emotions. I have done things that were potentially dangerous in less obvious ways and still knew I was a danger to people (i.e. driving so fast that I hoped I lost control of the car) and decided okay I need help, someone is going to get hurt. I put someone else in control and checked into the hospital. If you can't control yourself put someone else in control please. You never know how this all could have backfired. Like someone else posted hitting a woman can get people really upset. What if a loved one of hers came back with a gun for revenge? All I am saying is be safe please, for everyone involved.

[NuckingFutz]

So how are you feeling now? What do you plan to do to work through the devistation? What do you have planned for the near future since your break up and the loss of your friends?

[Burbitine]

im not sure really

[lynn P.]

I won't address the fight issue since this has already been addressed. Since many times we tend to fall into the same patterns and pick people with the same traits - I think it would be extrememly beneficial to become aware of this. What made you chose a girl who was basically attractive but lacked a good personality? How can you avoid this in the future and how can you control your anger? You don't want to end up struggling all your life with relationships.

[Burbitine]

TBH i am not a good looking person. The fact that she even chose me in the first place suprises me

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Burbitine

TBH i am not a good looking person. The fact that she even chose me in the first place suprises me

That's how you see yourself, not how she sees you?

[Burbitine]

I am a bad looking person. That isnt a opinion not a fact

[NuckingFutz]

Since you do not know what you plan to do about moving on, perhaps it would be good to look into doing things differently in the future. The time to do that is now. How can we help you with this?

[Burbitine]

Can i get any suggestions

[lynn P.]

Learn how to communicate and fight fairly with your partner. Learn how to manage anger. Look at patterns - are you picking the same kind of women. Often we repeat what we've seen in childhood and end up choosing partners who are similar in personality to one of our parents. Look for women who are kind.

[salukigirl]

I agree that it sounds like you aren't taking responsibility for your own actions. If someone attempts to fight you all you have to do is walk away. You do not ever hit a woman. Period. It sounds like you're more concerned with "getting laid". And you're also not taking responsibility for putting possible triggers in your post. Just because you watch certain shows doesn't mean you can't take others' feelings into consideration.

Personally, I feel like you don't really think anything is your fault. If you lost your friends, thats because YOU didn't take time for them and YOU got caught up with a girl. If you got into a fight its because YOU allowed your emotions to take control. If you put something disturbing in a post its because YOU didn't think about the people on this site.

Start taking responsibility for yourself.