[myoasis89]

feeling pretty lonely lately. I feel like something is missing. I want friends yet I don't want friends. I feel like I am too stressed to worry about friends right now. I guess I like being alone yet I don't. I have a bf and that's all i really want and need. Bu I feel an enormous pressure from work and school to make friends. I'm quite self sufficient and independent that I don't want this. I've had friends before and I am not saying they are bad to have...but I just find that I don't know...i don't want people around...I'm kind of owrried about this...although I have been like this pretty much throughout my childhood. Close friends I liked...really close friends, but other than that I found others ot be judgemental, mean, not understanding. Not accepting. I am an accepting person but they didn't like that I was so quiet or liked my alone time. I can only hadnle being around people for so long and then I need to be alone. I don't like a lot of attention. is this weird?...I'm 20 now...and I'm still like this

[Belle1979]

Not weird at all... I like company but usually only in short bursts... have been like that since I was a child.... I used to go inside to mum and tell her that 'so and so' (who ever was over to play) had to go home now as I had had enough....I'm still much the same

[Envision]

Are you in an area where there are a lot of things to do? Not everyone is a social butterfly and that's ok. Maybe you can find an activity you like that gives you some contact with others but not too much?

You have to decide what you want, myoasis89. A teacher or librarian both have to be around a lot of people. You may want to consider making an effort to be comfortable around people. You still may pick and choose your friends.

[1flagwriter]

You're right...people can be very annoying, can't they! I don't think there's anything wrong with your view of the world.

[RomanSunburn]

Hey Oasis,

I'm kind of like you, and I'm not sure it's by choice, but I can understand wanting friends and feeling lonely, yet not wanting to bother with people all at the same time. So, no, I don't think you're weird at all.

I've found that going to the gym, for some strange reason, makes me feel more social. I have no idea why, because I don't talk to anyone there (unless one of the few friends I have at school comes with me, which isn't always). Maybe it's just being physically close to so many people and being able to exchange a few words or a smile that makes me feel a little bit human again. Maybe that would help with your loneliness without forcing you to interact with people, feel pressure to be someone you're not, or put you into the spotlight.

Best wishes,
Ro

[shark8326]

I'm lonely too. That's why I came here. Maybe this is a "safe" place since I can't seem to form friendships in the real world.

[youOme]

What you need is just real friends that are understanding of who you are. If their your real friends they will accept that you need your time... ya know. Having a social network is important though, especially for your age. There's no rush into friendships, just talk to people at your own rate and things will come along.

[Hopeful78]

I know this feeling as well. Sometimes I think I want to hang out with people, but find that I'm not getting satisfaction from it when I do. It's as if something is still missing and I'm not sure if it's me or the people that I'm with. Normally, I blame it on myself, because everyone else seems to genuinely enjoy the time hanging out, laughing, joking, etc., while I force myself to smile. I wonder why I just can't relax and enjoy life, and why am I still lonely?

[myoasis89]

recently I've somewhat enjoyed being arouind my family. I think that now I realise that I need to find people that accept me for me and love me for me. For the longest time my mom suppressed me and made me into what she wanted me to be...and that was jsut not me at all...I didn't like myself and it was all about what she wanted...she doesn't accept me for me but I've found people who do...and that's what you need...how else are you supposed to enjoy other people's company when they don't even respect you or like you for who you are...my mom now sits by herself because she tried to do that with all her children...it was a big surprise for her to realise that we are not the people she thinks or wants us to be...its a learning curve for her and she's realising that she was being manipulative and that she was the one in the wrong.

Glad you are making progress, myoasis89.

Good luck.

[myoasis89]

I am taking more contorl of my life and not allowing others to tell me what is wrong or right. Its just hurtful to think about all the times I was manipulated as a child to do things I didn't want to do that had nothing to do with my well being or what was best for me. My mother was very selfish and lived through me. I feel like apart of me was taken away and I can enver get that back. All the years I could ahve ne joy spending just being me were taken away. An after this is all done...I'm the one who ends up alone...and my mother ends up detesting me because I'm not the person she forced me to be. I realise now just how valuable I am and just how important my contribution is. That I do make a difference and that there are people out there who need me. My mother wanted that control over me....she was afraid...she didn't want to be alone..so she figured she would trap me and try to control everything so I would not leave her behind...well the fact is...if she jsut accepted me I would be there...I wouldn't leave her alone...I still don't leave her alone...but it makes it more difficult to have a relationship with her...she doesn't deserve me or my love yet I still give that to her...I just feel broken and I feel like I am reliving my childhood in order to fix me and be the person i always wanted to be. If it weren't for my teachers in highschool, I enver would have believed in myself...I never would have done the things i wanted to do with my life...I probably would have commited suicide

[Envision]

Invest in yourself. Get some more education if there is some goal in that area of your life. Spend more time with people you admire and learn from them just by watching. Family can help you stay afloat or sink you. You are correct, it is your life now. Best wishes.

Life will always be a work in process with many hard lessons to learn. Fortunately, you get to choose what values are important to your and what makes your life more meaningful.

Good luck.

How are you doing, myoasis89?

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

How are you doing, myoasis89?

I'm ok...just lost a friend because I realised he was horrible to me and did not care about me.
So I'm once again alone...I ahve a newbf...he's helpful...he's coming with me to cousnelling tomorrow...he suggested it...and he's very supportive...so I am lucky this way..thanks for asking byzantine

[myoasis89]

I'm starting to feel better...I think I needed to lose that old friend...he didn't know me or understand me...my current bf does...and every little thing I do...he thinks is amazing...I've never felt so appreciated. Not even by my parents...he knows more about me than my parents. I feel like my hard work is finally paying off...people are seeing me...I think this is what I was looking forward...this is a total 180.

[Envision]

A new b/f who will go to counseling with you, that's good, and shows that he does care about you. Maybe your right about the friend you lost, except from the sound of things it might turn out to be a gain for you if he didn't treat you like a friend. Glad to see things getting better for you, I hope they continue.