worried over my pregnancy because of my husband

sometimes i dont know if he's the A hole, or me for marrying him. i mean he's such a sweetheart those days when we're still not married. and now he's acting jerk. and to think that we only got wed last january, his attitude changed a lot these days.
he keeps on arguing with me over a lot of small things. from how i fix the bed.. when i'm minutes late cooking the dinner etc etc. and frequently when the topic on where will i give birth comes along over the conversation, it just takes seconds and then there he go shouting all over my face that i MUST stay at his parents' house until i deliver my baby. his parents lives 5 hrs drive away from where i am staying and i. am. not. staying at his parents'. i dont even know them, i only met them when we're preparing the wedding and stayed with them for like 2 weeks with my husband. now he wants me to live there without him for 4 months.

he should understand that comfort is what i am needing for this times that i am pregnant and i am completely comfy at home. but he cant, he puts me in depression whenever we argue. there also had been 2 times already that he slapped my lips for talking back when he's angry and once he pushed me and i fell down the floor and when i tried to stand up he pushed me back. this is just recently and im worried over my pregnancy. i've never had a day without crying.
am i really wrong on marrying him?

hi and welcome to pc....my first question is where is he that he isn't there with you? why would he want you to move in with his parents? hon if he hits and pushes you while you are pregnant what will he do after the baby comes? I would seriously consider ending the marriage. no one deserves that kind of treatment.

Hello Paperboat.

I am so happy for you on your pregnancy!! This is wonderful news. Also - welcome to PsychC -its a great place to get support and advice and learn about different issues and topics.

I am so sorry he treats you this way and you that you are suffering. I am extremly worried about your own safety and I think you need to be strong and face the painful reality. What you describe is painful abuse. It is never OK to shout relentlessly and put someone down, punch them or threaten them.

The fact that he hit you while you are pregnant risks both you and the precious baby (as you said) and you need to go away from your husband to keep safe and keep baby safe.

I dont think you made a mistake - lots of abusive men show their true colour only after marriage and when the woman is pregnant. (I was 'lucky' that my fiance showed his before we got married). So you made your decision out of love. That is not a mistake. But now that he behaves in an unacceptable way and in a way that risks your mental wellbeing and physical wellbeing and your baby's future, I think it would be a mistake to stay in the relationship. Its not going to get better.

His demand that you stay with his parents is another way to dominate and control you. He sees you as his posession. Its a very unhealthy and dangerous way to see things and you must keep yourself safe.

Read a bit about domestic abuse. And I am here if you have any questions/worries.

I am thinking about you (I am in the process of leaving my abusive fiance).

Hugs xx

P.S. if you do decide to leave him please do so safely. Women are statistically in a much higher risk during the time they leave their partner, as he can get violent etc. I hope you have some family or a good friend that you can tell about this?

Hi Paperboat,
welcome to PC. I agree with the others that your husband has all the signs of an abuser. There's NO excuse for touching you physically like he has. He might try to justify that you did something wrong to deserve him losing control, but don't believe it. He's also showing signs of controlling you in other ways too. You need to stay in your home when you're pregnant. Having a new baby is a beautiful experience but it can also be a very stressful time - I'm very concerned this is going to escalate later on. With his kind of personality you'll always feel like you're walking on eggshells and that's a terrible way to live. Your home is supposed to be a safe place, not where you feel scared. Do you have family - if you do please leave him when he's not at home. Never tell him you're leaving since this could trigger more physical abuse. How many months pregnant are you? I hope you stay safe.

Call a safe shelter or other domestic violence support group so that you have a plan in place if he gets violent. I am sorry this is happening to you. After representing women for many years, I am very cynical. At a minimum, he should go to therapy for anger management. Frankly, my first thought is for you to get to a safe place to protect you and the baby from harm. If he is serious about making this work he will start seeing a therapist right away. Even if he goes to therapy, he must regain your trust.

Sorry to be so negative, but I just have bad vives about this guy.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You have gotten a lot of expert advice on the matter. I wish I was there to protect you and help you to safety and to loved ones. What you are going through is domestic violence. No one deserves that. Can you please keep posting so that we know how you are doing? We are a caring bunch here. I do agree that being around him is dangerous for both you and the baby. He surely did let his mask of sanity slip there once he thought he had you where he wanted you. Guess he could only pretend to be human for so long. Hugs for you. Please keep posting.

thanks everyone. right now i am confused on what to do. i grew up without a father and i dont want my baby to suffer the same.. but our situation is getting nowhere

we argued again yesterday and this time i told him to leave the house and never come back again. but my mom managed to talk to him to come back and comfort me. my mom dont want us to end, too.

@Bebop: we're actually abroad and i am flying home to deliver my baby. and he wants me to go 'home' directly to his parents and not to where i am used to live with my bro and sis.

I am sorry your mom is not supportive of you leaving. And I understand you do not want your baby to grow up without a dad. But - at this rate - you might end up loosing the baby from the stress and if you do deliver a healthy lovely baby and stay with the father - your child will have such stressful life. Do you really want your kids to grow up seeing his father abuse you? This will have a very negative affect on your relationship with them and on their well being.

Does your mom know the type of things he does?

I know this situation all to well.

When I was pregnant with my son, I was still with my ex, and it was so difficult to choose to leave. I did eventually after he shoved me into a counter stomach first at 7 mos pregnant.

I still tried to keep him involved for a long time because much like you I feared my son not having his father in his life. But in the end, I gave up.

I know we as women always think "but what if he grows up to not have his father", and its a valid question. But think of it this way - what if something happens and you lose the baby or injure the baby in some way that he has a permanent disability - he could end up not growing up at ALL.

And though the child may have periods of anger towards you for "taking his father away", i can tell you right now that eventually he will understand and be very happy you did that to protect him.

I am very worried about your situation. It sounds like its on the brink of becoming extremely dangerous. It only takes one hit in the wrong place to miscarry. And you should not put up with his treatment of you. You and your child deserve infinitely better treatment.

Okay, this tells me that your mom does not know about domestic violence. Obviously someone needs to tell you...do you know the number 1 non-medical cause of death for pregnant women? Yeah, it's the father of the child. Look that up if you want, you will find it is true. So no, we were not cheering you on to leave for a better life. We were doing it so you and the baby would have a life. This isn't a joke. Please get out of there as soon.

I know this situation all to well.

When I was pregnant with my son, I was still with my ex, and it was so difficult to choose to leave. I did eventually after he shoved me into a counter stomach first at 7 mos pregnant.

I still tried to keep him involved for a long time because much like you I feared my son not having his father in his life. But in the end, I gave up.

I know we as women always think "but what if he grows up to not have his father", and its a valid question. But think of it this way - what if something happens and you lose the baby or injure the baby in some way that he has a permanent disability - he could end up not growing up at ALL.

And though the child may have periods of anger towards you for "taking his father away", i can tell you right now that eventually he will understand and be very happy you did that to protect him.

I am very worried about your situation. It sounds like its on the brink of becoming extremely dangerous. It only takes one hit in the wrong place to miscarry. And you should not put up with his treatment of you. You and your child deserve infinitely better treatment.

(((((((( paperboat ))))))))