how can i let go of her

hello all, so its coming up to a year since my ex broke it off with me. it was a bad break up, i didn't do anything wrong, she just slowly fell out of love with me i guess. but then for a month after the break up, i kept calling/txtn/emailing her. and that irritated her to a point where she just hated me. now if i could go back in time, i would have stopped all those emails/txts so this wouldn't have happened.

i understand that she doesn't love me anymore, but i didn't want her hatered. this was my first serious relationship, i have had about 3-4 relatioships before this one. but i went all out on this one, both mentally and emotionally.

now its alomost a year later and i m still not over this girl, still depressed, still contemplating time to time is i should even live in this world. what hurts me the most is that after the break up she never contacted me ever again, nothing. i still get worked up over the fact that she hates me. ppl ask me, why do u still care about her? arent u mad at her? but its hard to explain, even though this girl broke my heart, i just can't get mad at her. no matter what happens, i just couldn't.

no don't get me wrong, she was the sweetest, most caring, non-materilistic girl ever. perfect wifey material. that is one of the reasons i fell for her soo hard. but it is what it is, she has a new bf now (i saw their pics on facebook) but i still worried if this guy is for real or if he's just taking advantage of her. i wanna know if she really loves him etc etc. all these questions i know that i can't get an answer to, but i ponder at them anyways.

sometimes i feel like calling her, but then i stop myself saying that it is over and that she hates you and she never wants to hear from you again. how can i stop the memories in my head? how can' i stop thinking about this girl? why can' i just let go of her?

srry its kinda long, would apprecaite any replies.

Healing from heartbreak is a long and tedious road and everyone heals in a different time frame.
Have you considered seeing a psychologist?
The way I have come so far (from a similar situation) in such a short time is to talk, talk and talk.
The memories are always going to be in your head and they pop in at really bad times (in my opinion), have you tired doing something that you have never done before? Get out and see the world from a different view point.. for me it was yoga but it can be anything at all.

Hi Belle, thank your for the reply. as a matter of fact i do have an appointment with my T in last week of march, i am desperately waiting for it. i was also thinking about going back to india for 2-3 months and just spend time there, learn yoga, and just get away from cell phones, facebook, the whole thing. i really need a change of scenery and absolutely have to get out of this. past year has been the worst of my life. and i don't wanna keep living like this. thanks.

Good luck with the therapy, akshayag.

thanks byzantine. i m just counting the days upto the appnt.

i have a question tho, how can i stop caring and thinking about it/her. it still make me wonder if she is happy with the new guy or not. what she is doin, how is her school going. does she ever think about me...

to tackle this problem, i been just keep me distracted 24/7. seriously from 7 in the morning till 4 i work, and i try to stay busy as much as possible. i get home around 5 and as soon as i get home i either go riding or i start playing video games and play till 9-10 with dinner in between. as soon as i am done playing that, i go to bed.

with this schedule i hardly get any time when i have to think about her. i know this is a very lame lifestyle. i have sooo may plans for my life and this is definetely not the way i wanna live for rest of my life. i have big big hope for my T and starting meds. and hopefully (if i can get time off work) go to india for 2-3 months and just starting over...

I don't think you just stop caring for someone.. and the thinking is natural but it does get better with time... then silly things can remind you, like a smell or colour and it feels like the world is crashing down again.
Talking, writing and expressing the bad and good moments helps the healing process.

Your T should be able to give you a few simple techniques to help with the thoughts, mine helped my learn to distract my mind when I was getting down by focusing on many things at once... it isn't a long term solution but good for the dark times.

Thanks Belle, actually i got my appnt moved to monday, instead of thursday, i m looking fwd to it.

as i mentioned before i want to go to India for 2-3 months, but i won't get off of work for that long unless i claim FMLA. i wanted to ask my T for this if she could sign off on my FMLA. How can i ask my T without her thinking that i am doing this only to go on vacation. I don't want her to get the wrong impression. I am really gonna be doing this for myself. also should i bring it up in our first meeting? or wait for the subsequent ones...if anyone has gone thru this please let me know.

also, i want to thank everyone for the suport, honestly without u guys and the forum, i would be at an end.

Best of luck to you. I know you have what it takes to get over this. I am in a very similar situation as you, I signed up for this forum not too long ago because I too cannot get my mind of someone who I love.

I know how you feel. My ex one day just decided she fell out of love with me. It crushed me, and I could do nothing but try to find answers, try to find a reason. No matter how far I dug I could never find an answer, and I never will. I do still think about her from time to time, but in the begining all I could think about was the good times. I never thought of the bad things, the things we disagreed on, the way her father treated me, the general feeling of "You're not wanted" I recieved from her entire family. Once I took a step back and looked at the relationship as a whole, not just the sweet and happy memories, it became easier to let go. I will not lie and say I'm 100% over her, and I don't really think I ever will be, but I think that's normal. I think for the rest of your life you will remember this girl fondly, but if you refuse to let her go, you will never have that feeling of love again. Just wanted you to know you're not alone in this.

Thanks to all. it does help to think that you are not the only one going thru this hell. i have my appnt with my T today. really looking fwd to it, hopefully this is the key to all my problems. i just want a new life, and start over again fresh.

you will start fresh again.....just try to forget little by little everyday....

I think I'm same like your ex....if I make up my mind, then I want to be left alone....I don't like the guy to persuade me again, because it's giving me stress and guilt feelings over the break up....I really prefer no contact at all.....

so, if you really care for her, just set her free, let her go....I suggest to delete her from your facebook even, if you look at her page often, then you won't help yourself to recover....

take care of yourself and know that there is somebody out there waiting for you
Marjan

Thanks marjan. as you were saying, i have set her free, i haven't contacted her in almost about 8 months now. for me thats a feat in itself. also i am happy for her, that she found a new man. i m just worried that this guy doesn't take advantage of her. she is a sweet girl, but also naive. i just want her happy. regarding facebook, i barely log onto it, its been a month since last time i logged in. i do this to discipline myself, cuz i know that in this area i don't have enough self control not to go look at her page. but thats that.

my appnt with my T yesterday went great, she is thinking of putting me on some meds. it was the first apppnt, so we still have to talk alot about this. i know that the road to recovery will be slow and it takes time, i would just have to be patient. but the biggest thing for me is that i m scared that i will never be able to put in enough effort to get out of this. in every other aspect of my life i can do things on the drop of a dime. i have soo much self control and will power i can usually achive anthing i set my mind to, be it work, addiction, you name it. but this is the only thing in my life, that is getting the best of me. its funny how you can give something soo much power that in ends up hurting you and taking over your life. but i HAVE to deal with it. and put in effort little by little.

thanks again to everyone from the bottom of my heart, to take time and try to help me. this has been a great stress reliver for me, and with continued support from everyone on here, i think i'll be able to get past all this.

I don't want to be mean or harsh on you, but she's an adult and it's not your responsibility to be worry about her....why are you worry about her? She's the one who left you in pain.....just try to not think about her....I can teach you a method....here it is....whenever you think about her, do some praying or repeat some words over and over till you shift your thoughts away from her.....this needs discipline till you get used to not thinking about her.....
I'm so like you, I'm doing great in everything else in my life, but when it gets to romantic relationship, I'm sucks....well...I'm working on it and hope one day I nail it
take care and be hopeful
marjan