[myoasis89]

he is a gentlemen...pays for everything...walks me home talks to me everyday....but now I realise why he is so clingy....he saw me everyday in order to stop me from having any toher contact with men at work who may have crushed on me who may pursue me

#2...he's 25...hasn't graduated yet...living at home...all he does is work as a cook at a resturant...goes to school but I'm not really sure how seriously he takes his studies...me on the other hand I'm 21...in my third year and working part time...living on my own....he wasn't the guy i thought he was

#3...he talks about marriage all the time...his dad is buying him an apartment so that when he does get married he has something

I'm kinda feelin as though he's trying to keep holds on me...he says he wants to be an accountant...yet he talks about how he hasn't made his parents proud yet...and isn't sure when he will do this...i feel like he is taking the easy route...when he is quite capable of good grades and getting his schooling done

Okay, so what is the plan?

[salukigirl]

Kinda sounds like he is trying to "marry up" if you get my drift. Find a girl who has her head on her shoulders and give an act like he will have that too but, most likely, will take advantage of your hard work. Seriously...a 25 yr old having his dad buy him an apt? My bf is 26 and he hasn't lived with his parents for like....6 or 7 years. Sounds like a little boy trapped in a grown man's body to me.

[myoasis89]

yes...I dunno how I attract these men...my first bf...very depended, second, depended...to think of it...all of them have been...I felt like I was their mom...seriously do these mom's let their sons go this way...or their fathers...I don't like putting people down...comparing myself to others and such...but...I think I might have a problem in choosing guys and which ones are good compared to others

He talks about how lucky he's been to find me...and so on and so on...I ahve a problem with people...I'm an introvert...and when a guy pays attentioin to me...I feel...finally someone appreciates me...and wants me...
THis reason i like this guy is because of his manners, and interests....I wasn't looking for money or using someone...I genuinely want to be in love with someone...but I guess I made another mistake

Its the first time in awhile that someone appreciates the work I do...says that they are lucky to have me...they admire me...and I guess at work no one does that...they over look my hard work...or my parents do...somethings I didn't realise about myself until he brought it up...I guess i am trying to teach him to become independent...I'm not sure how far that will go

[myoasis89]

I guess its also difficult ofr me to make friends and I've been lonely for quite sometime...people jsut don't get me...or I'm afraid I'm not good enough...I think that's why I choose people who are not up to my standards...I'm afraid that people will be critical and jsut leave me

[myoasis89]

or maybe I'm not realising his great qualities that contribute to my life...I have no clue...he's enver asked me to do anything for him...and he does not rely upon me...he uses his work moeny to pay for things for me...I think maybe he lacks self esteem...I don't really know

[Envision]

Are you sure its only that they are attracted to you?

[salukigirl]

It was really weird realizing that love isn't enough. I don't know when it happened but all of a sudden I started looking at a guy in the sense of "will he be a good husband?" or "will he be a good dad?" Right now, date whoever you wanna date. It's not like you're marrying them in 6 months. But when it comes time that you do want to settle down, at least you know you CAN see those bad and good qualities and not defend them like some people do.

[myoasis89]

I think I should not take things so seriously...and just live...but I'm scared to live I guess...I'm afriad of being rejected...or that I'll fail...but failing is apart of life i guess

[AAAAA]

I don’t hear anything particularly “clingy” in your original post. He sounds like someone raised with manners. I think the fear of never living up to your parents expectations is pretty common.

It doesn’t sound like you respect him very much. A relationship without respect has nothing.

[flora_poste]

I've been in exactly your shoes and so have a few of my female friends. At least you are recognizing a bad pattern at such an early age, I'm 26 and I'm just now realizing it. a lot of us never do. It's a lot easier said than done, it's really really hard, but the key is to just not be with anyone for a while and figure yourself out (what you want/need for yourself and from a partner, what you can and can't accept, ect.). Also, force yourself to be more social. That's the hardest part for me, but I eventually managed to make a close group of friends, most of whom are far more social than me and now I know some really good men (who are married to my female friends) who happen to know other really good men. My friends have also helped me learn a lot about myself and have helped me become a stronger, more confident person... which happens to be really attractive to the kind of man I want to be with.

Truth is, unless you change how you project yourself to other people, you'll just keep attracting the same things that you don't want and you'll be treated the way you don't want to be treated. Controlling/suffocating men can be dangerous, so do be careful of that. They'll either use up all your mental energy till you have nothing left to give, or they can go down the more dark and violent route. Either way, it's no fun. If he doesn't make efforts to change, to work on his issues, then cut your losses.

He may be a good guy, he probably is. But right now he doesn't sound like he even knows himself well enough to even know what he wants, he's probably not capable of maintaining a healthy relationship right now... he probably doesn't know how to be in one. Sounds like you both may have the same problem. It doesn't make anyone a bad person, just means ya'll need to work on your issues either together or on your own... or both.

[myoasis89]

Update:

he kept a penny that i gave him two weeks ago. I gave it to him to scratch a lotto ticket. He told me last night that he kept it and looks at it sometimes....this just creeped me out...he says that he thinks about me before he goes to sleep and thinks of the conversations we have and plays them in his head

we've been dating three weeks...I wanted to get to know him...and then fall in love...he hasn't given me the space or time to do this...I feel he has potential but he's just pushing it....the last time that I brought up that i need some space...he cried...I wasn't asking for too much when we only knew each other less than a week...I think this is just nonsense...he's 25

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by myoasis89

Update:

he kept a penny that i gave him two weeks ago. I gave it to him to scratch a lotto ticket. He told me last night that he kept it and looks at it sometimes....this just creeped me out...he says that he thinks about me before he goes to sleep and thinks of the conversations we have and plays them in his head

we've been dating three weeks...I wanted to get to know him...and then fall in love...he hasn't given me the space or time to do this...I feel he has potential but he's just pushing it....the last time that I brought up that i need some space...he cried...I wasn't asking for too much when we only knew each other less than a week...I think this is just nonsense...he's 25

also last night...after he told me that story we were sitting and he tried kissing me...and I was pushing him awway trying to watch the computer screen (at school)...it was late around 10 pm...and he's like its nice out...lets sit on the grass...(whcih only means...lets make out)...this totally turned me off...and I'm like..I don't want to...and he's like is everything ok...and I'm like yah...

he's jsut being weird and its creeping me out

[perpetuallysad]

It really sounds like you don't like him. Why not break it off? He seems like he likes you a lot and it would probably be kinder to break it off now before you start to resent him and start being mean to him. I think keeping the penny is sweet in a sentimental way. That's really not creepy. If he kept your used tissues or something, that would be creepy.

[salukigirl]

He seriously sounds like a little kid. That kinda stuff would creep me out too. I think it's cute to keep movie tickets and stuff like that but a penny.......and to STARE at it......I would break it off quick. Cause it sounds like if you wait too long he could seriously turn into a stalker or just refuse to let you go. I would leave.

i don't like how in your other thread you said he comes to work on his off days just to walk you home. he sounds waaaaaay needy and like he could turn into a control freak on you. the controlling part really concerns me. to me he sounds like bad news in a nice wrapping.

[myoasis89]

he bought me a 700 dollar lap top...one of those tiny notebooks....

[myoasis89]

as an early birthday present

My thought is to return the notebook and tell the guy he wants a relationship you are not ready for.

[AAAAA]

He sounds a bit socially awkward. I’ve known a few men like this in my time. You cannot force chemistry, but I think when he finds someone that has this chemistry with him, he’ll treat them like a queen and be an awesome husband.

Someone that tries to prove their love and devotion, and inspire it in others by buying expensive gifts definitely has a hard time reading subtle signals. I agree with the people that have said it’s time to call this relationship quits. Return the laptop and let him know that it just isn’t happening for you.

[salukigirl]

You have been dating a few weeks and he bought you a laptop.......that sounds like a way to keep you. Doesn't even sound normal. If my bf would have bought me a 700 dollar present after a month of dating I don't know what I would do. He sounds unstable. I say get out while you can.

[myoasis89]

he told me he has impulsive behavior and to not listen to my friends...that he bought the gift because he wants to help me with school...I dunno what is with me...that I attract men like this...there must be something wrong with me as well...when we went on a first date he bought me 300 dollars worth of clothes and told me not to tell any of my friends at work because they might get jealous...everything happened so fast...no one warned me...and I think he wanted everyone at work to know that we are dating

[myoasis89]

I told him I wanted to buy the lap top from him...he got overly sensitive and said money is nothing to him...and that it hurts him to think that it makes me uncomfortable....and that its a gift

[myoasis89]

he wants to take me to new york this summer

he has the obsession that he needs to at least talk to me everyday...he feels he has a full day when he as time with his parents, work school and me...otherwise he feels unfulfilled

he always texts me in the morning...and before I go to bed...he always asks how I'm doing throughout the day...

he has lots of friends on facbeook so I don't understand how he is socailly awkward because people seem to really like him and he is easy to talk to....he;s very social

[perpetuallysad]

You either like him or you don't. If you don't like him, its really not fair to accept gifts from him. And its not fair to lead him on by continuing to see him. You should just break up with him if he bothers you this much.

I agree with AAAAA though, he just sounds awkward (lots of guys are at that age) and not "your type". He doesn't sound like a wacko, as some people say, but just like a love sick guy. Seriously gals, how many of you have not had love sick guys do things that were weird, but didn't mean they were wackos or something?