Now I realise why he is so clingy

By socially awkward I mean with the opposite sex. Some people (I have seen both men and women do this) have such low self esteem that they do not think (consciously or not) another person will find them attractive without “buying” their love. Very often they mimic the traditional traits of a relationship such as communication and gifts (which are exaggerated because of that need to feel important to the other person).

It sounds like that first date set the tone for the relationship. You accepted what would normally be considered extravagant gifts and continued the relationship. Just because someone wants to give you something, does not mean you have to accept it. It is perfectly acceptable to say “thank you so much for the thought, but I do not feel comfortable accepting this.”

I feel like everyone is assuming I don't like him...I do...but not as much as he does me right now...I need time...and I explained that to him...and he did say himself that he is uncomfortable with the opposite sex...I wanted to discuss with people my problems..i didn't want people making decisions for me about who i should date...I wanted to talk it out

I’m not saying who you should or shouldn’t date. In your posts, even positive attributes seem to … put you off. If you do continue dating him, it’s important, imo, to set up some boundaries to protect both your feelings. If something feels wrong to you, then it is.

Other than the gift giving, which is a sad attempt to buy your affection, I haven’t seen anything that I personally would find negative. He sounds kind, considerate, and well-mannered.

I know this is a difficult medium to communicate in. There are no nuisances in your voice or body language to interpret. If I may ask, what specifically is the problem here? There are quite a few inferences but nothing stated point blank.

the problem is that I needed to talk to people to get some opinions...I don't have many friends to talk to...and this is why I come here...I jsut wanted feedback and thoughts...I didn't udnerstand why he was buying expensive gifts

Actually what I meant, what specifically bothers you about the relationship?
Some people think that their partner in a relationship needs to treat them poorly before they respect them. I don’t know if this applies to you or not.

In Post #1 – It sounds like living at home is a bad thing. I understand that some people need to leave the nest as soon as possible. I certainly did. I left my home, family, and even my country. But what I learned in my 10+ years out in the “real” world is that family is important. My husband and I work very hard to make our home someplace our adult children want to be. Neither of us particularly enjoy visiting our parents and never want our children to feel visiting us is an obligation.

It also sounds like you don’t feel that he’s ambitious enough. I completely understand that being a turn-off. Although I do take a bit of exception to “all he does is work as a cook at a restaurant”. It’s an honest job, there’s no shame in working an honest job. Does he know you feel that way?

I think it’s very sweet that he comes to work to walk you home when he’s off. I’m perfectly capable of driving myself to work, but my husband enjoys driving me to work when he’s off. He also comes to visit me on my lunch break. Not because he’s afraid someone is going to steal me away, but because he loves me and wants to spend time with me.

Does this man attempt to prevent you from speaking to other men?

In Post # 4 – You appear to allude to him being dependent upon you, and that you want to teach him to be independent.

You want to be in love with someone, but chemistry is a big part of love and you either have it or you don’t.

In Post # 5 – Does the statement “I think that’s why I choose people who are not up to my standards” mean he’s somehow beneath you?

In Post #6 – You clarify that he is not in fact dependent upon you. This is the only post that appears to reflect him in a positive light.

In Post #12 – I don’t know why you would find the penny thing “creepy”. My husband’s grandfather gave him a wallet for his 13th birthday. He carries it to this day, it’s very battered and he’s been given a wallet for Christmas every year since we’ve been married, he will not replace that wallet.

In that wallet is a matchbook that I gave him on our first date. You can’t even read the logo anymore. When we were dating cell phones and internet weren’t even thought of. When we were separated (he was in boot camp) and he was having a bad day he’d pull that matchbook out and think of me.

In Post #13 - He’s not being “weird” he’s being male. My husband is STILL that way and we’ll celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this year. Being insecure when affection is rejected is a perfectly normal reaction.

In Posts # 17 & 18 – I would definitely find the gifts disturbing, but that’s just my opinion. I know many women and a few men that believe that they’re entitled to expensive gifts.

In Post #22 – Of course he wants your co-workers to know you’re dating, he’s proud of you. BUTTTTTT There IS a problem if he doesn’t want you to take your friend’s opinions into consideration. IF he’s trying to ostracize you from your social network there is a SERIOUS problem.

In Post #24 – These all seem perfectly normal relationship thing. UNLESS the texts are every hour or something silly like that. And an argument can be made for every hour in a new relationship in the honeymoon stage.

In the end, it all comes down to what YOU feel comfortable with.

I was upset because I've enver dealt with anything like this before where things were going so fast...and I didn't know much about him before we started dating...and I thought that I was dating a crazy person...but it turns out that he does have problems with the opposite sex because of past gfs...his mo tries to give him advice on dating and he's so worried about making a mistake

I sat him down and had a tlak and told him what was bothering me

I said...money, trips, gifts will not win my love...nor will you attention and controlling me

I asked about his past gfs and how this might be interfering with our relaitonship and he said yes...it is...and he will stop that.

We both agreed to start fresh and start slowly...and plan certain days to see each other so we have time for other things...and he said we won't go to new york unless we are both feeling ready to do this

I told him I wasn't at the same stage of love as he was and that I needed time and space...and he said he was happy to give me that

finally he said...I am glad you spoke up because I felt something was bothering you for the past couple of days...

the stressed is relieved and I finally feel like we are on the same page and that there is potential for this relationship...he listened and I lsitened to him...we compromised...and both agreed to make a fresh start

thanks for everyone's comments...I wanted to send it out in the open...especiallyAAAAA comments...I think you hit the hammer on the nail

he is just very sentimental...and he's overthiking the relationship because of nerves