Im confused and dont really know where to start... i will type it up here and then read other peoples communication notes...

I feel that almost everything i say socially is inappropriate...
I say things and people look at me funny or ignore what was said...
It sometimes feels like im trying to shape the conversation inappropriatly, going off on one topic when people are more focussed on other topics...
Dont know what to say a lot of the time
Misinterpret things

and so i shy away from social conversation
and dont get any better at it (i have no close friends, have felt isolated since i was 10...and used sex for the last 4 years to try and connect..stopped that tho )

so key things ive found to try and avoid this is:
talking about tv shows news weather

but then it starts to feel too superficial

i want 2 connect

[1flagwriter]

Have you tried saying it to yourself before you say it outloud?

[robin620]

I also have a hard time in social situations. I've started noting how many times a conversation ends with something I say. . . way too many for comfort. My problem is that I don't feel like what I have to say is important or interesting. I cover it up by saying that I'm better at listening than talking, convenient excuse.

What you might want to do is pick someone you trust to practice with. It could be someone different with different topics. Know someone who really likes a certain TV show (some people really LIKE talking about their favorite characters and story lines)? Anyone you know really into a certain sport? Is there a neighbor that you can chat about what's going on with a local event? Conversations that start out with trivial things could lead to deeper ideas. And there's nothing wrong with a trivial conversation now and again anyway.

The most important thing (which I'm also working on) is patience. Good friendships with real connections happen over time. NOT EASY I know, but the friendship could be worth the wait.

Have you been screened for Asperger Syndrome?

it seems more like..i am lacking experience and am still learning to interact

i was a fat girl with a funny accent and culture, i remember being bullied from age 9 and so shied away from other kids and was depressed with self deprecating thoughts, i moved schools 4 times before i was 12 and at about age 10 i remember my only friend being the retarded girl, i wasnt invited to birthdays...
at high school 12-13 i started trying really hard to keep friends but midway through the year i ended up a loner feeling isolated... moved schools again and made friends then after a while started self isolating again cried in the toilets many lunchtimes, thought about suicide etc...

had a volatile father who would be nice for months then explode, physically adn emotionally abusive. mother was volatile, not physical tho. and i was never good enough. wasnt allowed out. wasnt allowed to have friends over. had little control or choice.

was and am self conscious about weight, skin pigmentation, body shape, aging, everything...

on other threads i mentioned that at about age 14 or earlier, im not sure, i started pulling hair and chewing my lips (havent stopped)
get suspicious of ppl
get sad adn low
have had a string of short relationships, one night things, cheated on by many men....felt insecure or scared or something so had unprotected sex,,,when in relations am scared that they will cheat and obsess over it and it tarnishes my view of them. used sex to get close to ANYONE
had close female friends just stop talking to me one day... and never start again

just thought it made more sense when worded together like that...
it feels better putting it in print...somehow

there were never any family friends over, never any family/friends gatherings... going out would be to rural remote places away from people, insular family...

Wow! You have been through an awful lot, georgiegeorge. I do hope you have professional help to sort all this out. Your posts show a keen insight and you express yourself well. What you have written is something a therapist should see.

Love yourself, georgiegeorge. You are an important person. Please get the help you need.

[shezbut]

(((georgiegeorge)))

I can relate a lot to your experiences and their result: very low self-esteem. In my experience, I've learned that my impression of myself comes out to others in all sorts of ways. It is very visible. Some people often take advantage of people like us, because we are so vulnerable. It's very wise that you have pulled away from men (for now).

You are a decent human being ~ You deserve happiness ~ You are loved by others

Aww thanks shez, ((((shez))))

Byzantine, thanks im in the process of finding someone to chat with, it takes a surprisingly long time!!!

I have chatted to you in chat you was really chatty and seemed happy in chat ? Why not keep trying it out you will meet people and become a regular meeting people you know in there is fun .....

so tomorrow i have an appointment to chat to a gp... and im scared. scared i wont say anything/wont go/ will talk about somethjing else or wont find any answers ...itll b good to try and find a better way of living tho

[possum220]

If you don't know what to say then write some things out tonight. Then just give it to your gp tomorrow.

Then you wont forget what you want to say. It will be clear.

You know its important to go.

It will be okay........ Thinking about it before hand is the hard part.

Our thoughts are with you.......

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by georgiegeorge

so tomorrow i have an appointment to chat to a gp... and im scared. scared i wont say anything/wont go/ will talk about somethjing else or wont find any answers ...itll b good to try and find a better way of living tho

I agree with possum220.

Write it down, and simply give him/her the piece of paper to read. They can then determine how they can help. May ask a couple of Q's to see if suicidal thinking is present & and a large danger. Be honest and answer the doctor's Q's.

You can do it! I'll be thinking of you Good thoughts!

How are you doing, georgiegeorge?

thanks shezbut, possum, byzantine, thanks for your support

... I did as u suggested and wrote stuff out b4hand, but chickened out prior to giving it to the doc choosing to screw it up and stuff it in the bin,
then hit a cross roads: blurt out that im really sus of ppl, stressed and pretty blue sometimes, OR chicken out and just get something routine done eg, a new script or something lame...

so chose option A: BLURT IT OUT... and couldnt stop shaking as i forced it out, short sentance by short sentance, explaining that it was hard as i dont trust the doc for some reason, the doc was really understanding

many qustions were asked and a short quiz given
doc said that it seems to be anxiety/depression and gave me a referral

then i went straight to the gym for like 2 hours...and now feel numb

so now i have to book into the shrink!

[shezbut]

You did well, georgiegeorge!

I'm glad that you talked with your doctor about how you were feeling. Go with his referral. Doctors usually have a couple to refer to, but chose one depending upon the individual case in hand. (You)

:claphands: Going to the gym is a great way to relieve the stress too ~ great!

Keep on taking steps to a better life, georgiegeorge. Well done.

How goes it, georgiegeorge?

well, after calling up sooooo many places each turning me away because they are fully booked out... ive just found a psychologist to chat to..

Im seeing him tomorrow...
Thanks to all your advice its going to get written down now.. that way it can just be handed to the guy... cause when i was telling the gp i couldnt stop shaking/trembling, it was really weird... its 'cause part of me doesnt want to let anyone in, i think

Good for you, georgiegeorge. Try to relax. Be honest and forthright. Remember you are doing this for you and your future. Good luck.

relaxing.... thats a good suggestion byzantine: and pretty much what the psy said... to relax and accept things... ...feel stupid now, its such a simple thing...

No need to feel stupid. Good for you for having a good session.

I saw the psy again, and we started to explore and seemingly confront the roots of my thinking, using imagery to put me back into certain situations.

Some of the emotions found made me want to run from the room, to flee, to scream...
But I stayed, figuring that No harm will come while sitting in a safe room and they are just feelings, feelings cant harm you...

At conclusion of the session I was asked to try and not imagine the feelings, rather just the events this week and to continue mindfulness meditation practice

Still suspicious, and increasingly so of the psy, but the self harm thoughts which had taunted me of late are less frequent and life seems easier, more straightforward, less complicated and calmer since starting to practice meditation last week...

So far I am HAPPY AND RELIEVED to have gone and sought assistance,

Thumbs up to seeing psychologists!

[Champagne]

Hi Georgiegeorge,
I like the picture. Reminds me of Liza Minelli in her movie CABARET.
Despite the childhood trauma, you are a WONDERFUL SURVIVOR.
Striking up conversations is difficult. Maybe you can try a movie fan club, or follow a band or musician, or try something like a dance club (line dancing is fun) or an easy sport: walking club, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Bushwalking, or even volunteer at the animal welfare and nurse and cuddle the animals. The focus of these conversations is the ACTIVITY that is happening. You can start sharing stories about the care of the animals, their previous owners etc... and who the new families coming to adopt the pet.

Maybe you are trying to hard to say the right words.

I know what this is like. I entered a conversation as a young kid, the group was talking about child birth and the stretching of the vagina. Well I missed out on the vagina part and assumed that they were talking about the stretching of the belly button. Well I was the laughing stock of the entire small town school. They had the power game, blaming and shaming me as the ignorant and naive "idiot."
Truthfully, a good friend explained why I became the object of some of the girls and boys giggles and silent whispering behind hands. I knew where babies came from.... I just blundered into the middle of a conversation. I learnt to listen well. I also learnt to read very well and became very informed about a lot of current information. I focussed on studying what I liked and found many new friends who liked the subjects that I studied.

I moved into a circle of new friends who liked what I liked. And were happy to share what information I have.

Remember the movies Woman in Red? Julia Roberts was out of place in the posh social circles. Audrey Hepburn in My FairLady, had to be trained to walk in the well to do society, Devil wears Prada?

Or you could try the Audrey Hepburn Classic, stand infront of Tiffany's munching on a danish pastry or croissant, you must wear pearls (fakes from the good old church op shop), and share the opportunity of HAVING BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S.

LIFE IS ABOUT FUN. Conversations come later.

What do you think?

Kudos for you, georgiegeorge.