Never saw it coming ... Now it won't go away

I'm new here ... I do not suffer depression , my wife does and who knows maybe I'll get some helpful info from these boards . If nothing else maybe I can blow off a little steam .

Where to begin , it feels like it has gone on forever . The wife up and left Nov '09 , heading to Florida , leaving me an obscure note about things are bad and she couldnt stay . She came back within a week with a diagnosis from a counselor there of depression and a loose plan to begin counseling here . She didnt improve but did make it through X Mas before she headed off to a "retreat" , at least I knew about that in advance . Back for a week or so and then admitted herself for a week and half at a hospital , that one ...she just left ... I found out afterward .

Back home after the hospitalization and lasted at home a couple weeks before using her counselor to set up a program where she stays at an apartment through the counseling service that enables her to attend counseling with the intent of being able to come back home and feel as though she can stay next time . Home to her is a tough place to be she has told me , but then again she says she doesnt feel at home anywhere .

So ..Here we sit about 5 weeks into this program and nothing has gotten any better , she has been really ill which has slowed everything down and I get that but the plans for me being able to attend some counseling sessions with her have not happened yet . We communicate via e mail primarily ...that sux .. I don't recommend an internet marriage to anyone lol . I have physically seen her twice in the last 5 weeks .

Oh and a huge problem for me is that I have had to carry the financial load 100 % for the last 3 months , our home and budget was set up for the both of us working . She has continued working as she can but there have been all sorts of this and thats and excuses and reasons that I have not recived any $$$ help in three months . Even if I had that I could at least not feel like I am trying to "hold" the world up back at home and just think of the counseling end of things . It must be noted the bills are piling up and foreclosure could be a reality if it continues . I'm struggling to keep things afloat with absolutely no help and still find a way to be supportive to her . It would even feel better if I saw she was improving but realistically that isnt happening , in fact everything feels as if it is in the same state it was except for the financial which is in a far worse spot that they had been back in Nov 09 .

Hmmm ..guess now is where I feild questions or listen to comments ... Life sure sux these days and I don't know how my head doesnt fly off my shoulders like a balloon flying around the room deflating from all the pressure .

signed .... left in Limbo

Hi, Limbo, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

Wow! You have it tough supporting all that. Can you get some counseling for yourself and figure out a bit of a plan for yourself? It's wonderful that you are so supportive, but there is a limit; no individual should put their own health under such stress but for so long before other arrangements should be made.

Can you call her counselors, talk to them at all on your own? You are concerned, she is your wife. You don't have to know details but you do have to get a sort of time frame?

One thing I would do is maybe sell or rent the house, if possible, move to a smaller space that you could maintain on your own, get rid of some monetary worries if you can. If she's in her own place and you're not receiving any money, then I'd make arrangements to fix the cost situation.

How long have you been married? Were there any indications of her problems before you married?

[quote=Perna;1362243]Hi, Limbo, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

We have been married 3 years this summer but we have been lived together 10 years . As far as if there were any warning signs ... well at the time I didnt think so ...but now in hindsight ...yes . She had been feeling ill and at times just seemed to want to keep to herself or was tired and laying down all the time . I never thought she would just up and leave and not talk to me though .

In the time since she first left ( Nov 09 ) it has become apparent that she feels she cannnot talk about her feelings and when she feels stress she just seems to "take the easy way out" and leave and then apologize later .

The home situation ... well we have to see how this develops , I am soon to be 2 months behind on the mortgage . My wife says the mortgage company will try and work with me ( the mortgage is only in my name) as they have so many foreclosures they do not want more ..I donno ... guess I will find out . I have a loan due soon from my 401k that a large portion of went to help the wife with buying her car , looks like I will may to default on that. Right down to my charge card that she maxxed out and now I have to cover since she says she doesnt have any $$$ coming in . Never , did I think the person I love and had counted on would throw me under the bus like this .