[SweetSunshine]

Hubby and I got into it. I just wonder if its ever gonna end. I mean in a good way. I am TRYING so hard to stay positive. But he wants me to change into Martha Stewart I am afraid and there is no way I can be the perfect everything she does like he wants me to be.I cant live like this either to the point I am walking on pins and needles trying to make sure everything I do is what he would like or approve of. I feel like I am losing myself in the process and I feel like I am under the control of my abuser again.I am not ready to give up on my a marraige either . I wont. I just want it to be better , how .. what do I do? Its eating me up . I am so scared.

Beth

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Do you see a T together? That may help is not

[h0kie]

Can you convince him to go to marriage counseling? I know you don't want to give up on your marriage. I think that makes you a strong and courageous woman. However, Bethy, you can't save a marriage all by yourself. He has to be willing to put in some effort and accept some responsibility himself. It takes two to tango (so to speak).

Yell if you ever need to talk. I'll help you however I can.

((((((((((Beth))))))))))

[MacD]

I truly relate...when my hubby and I were at our worst, we both were convinced that the other wanted someone we couldn't possibly be....after counseling and calm, we found out that we both wanted each other....(just the way we were)....Never underestimate how screwed up things can get when you're under stress...and never underestimate the possibility that he is going through the same sort of fear and frustration about your image of him.....Counseling lets us calm down and, with a neutral moderator, get to the truth....do try if you can......I'll make a bet that he'd do it in a heartbeat rather than lose you.....love G

[eskielover]

Hopefully you can both get something out of councelling...it does allow each of you to bring out your thoughts with a neutral person to moderate. We tried it when my husband got physically abusive....my Pdoc wouldn't let me go home from the hospital unless we agreed to get help.

Unfortunately, several years later, I am now planning to go with the divorce. I am just exhausted from fleeing from him into my bed with depression. I decided to fight rather than flee & hopefully I can get it all finalized within the next 6 months. He is the one that is going to loose after continually telling me that if I don't like it, I can leave. I don't like it anymore & I am going to leave, forcing the house to be sold because he can no longer pay for it....that will put us into the place where we can divide it all 50/50 as California requires. My psychologist is coaching me on what to do to protect myself now. I am so tired of being pushed into pushing back then being hit & being told that it is my fault for pushing him into it.

It is good that you are determined to make your marriage work....with that attitude, you will be open to compromise. I have put up with crap for 30 years & can no longer tolerate anything anymore. When it becomes non stop fighting with neither person willing to stop, there is nothing more to do....you aren't there & it sounds like you have a marriage that deserves to be worked at to save.

I wish you both the best it keeping your marriage going,
Debbie