I dated a Sociopath, PLEASE don't make my mistake!

I have come to the realization through therapy and reading that the relationship I just got out of was with a sociopath and it was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. The worst is wanting to warn everyone we both know to watch themselves but realize they probably wouldn't take me seriously and think i'm just bitter over the breakup.

Mike gives off the impression of being this quiet computer geek who's had his heart broken, when the reality is FAR from that. Things were great when we first got together other than his rather obsessive playing of the game WOW, but as time wore on little things started to happen which should have been warning signs. He held his ex over my head in subtle ways that made me feel like I was not the one he wanted to be with, began to ask for more from me both materially and financially, and withdrew from going out with me socially. He talked me into going on the pill for his pleasure and when I accidentaly got pregnant gloated that he knocked me up when his ex couldn't get pregnant by her new bf.

He increasingly ignored me for games, books, etc. and showed a complete lack of remorse for any rudeness or hurtfullness on his part. He never got me a single present for ANY holiday but took presents from me. He exhibited child like behavior such as sucking his thumb, sleeping with a blankie and throwing tantrums. When asked he would say "I love you as much as I can." The only time he was happy was when he was getting his way, and anything done for my happiness was a "sacrifice."

Then there were the stories of his past which mostly centered around some form of sexual deviency such as an affair that broke up a marriage, experimenting with homosexuality "just to see if he could", and threesomes including one with his best frend and the widow at a funeral! I was appalled but told that "all men are like that and if I had a problem with it I should date women." He also watched porn almost every night.

He refused to learn even the symptoms of my health problem but would ***** when I got sick. He increasingly refused to spend time with me and would force me to do what HE wanted when we did.

In the meantime I had bought him food, shampoo, cigarettes etc. when he was poor only to find out he was spending money on games. I even helped him buy a computer which I still have to deal with him about regarding payments. I took care of him when he was sick, fed him, cleaned for him, did everything for him and asked nothing in return.

The final straw was when I caught him lying to me and found out he had been flirting in front of his coworkers with a woman at work. After multiple promises to go to therapy and mutiple excuses for not going I left him. But...I recently found out I was too late and he'd already cheated. In fact he slept with this women and then came home and slept with me. I don't even know if he showered! His response when I asked him how he could do that was "I wanted to ****."

So please, if any of you have a person in their life who is obsessive about personal pleasure of any sort, unremorseful, and a user, read everything you can about sociopaths and get as far away from that person as you can.

oh wow I've never been with someone like that but it sounds like he really really complicated your life... have you gone to the dr to make sure he hasn't given you any stds / stis?

Hi, Adhesion...Hunny, you've had a very bad relationship experience. Whether it is accurate to label him a "sociopath," I'm not sure. He sounds very selfish and self-absorbed, and lacking moral fiber. I've been there, and I do know that recovery from such experiences brings forth such labels as "sociopath" and "narcissist." Also, it takes a lot of time...for me, it was years...to get some perspective on WHY I allowed myself to involved with such a character. When you begin to acknowledge to yourself that, while being a victim, you were also a participant in the dysfunction of the whole thing, you'll be able to let it go. First, it means healing yourself, whether you do this thru therapy, self-study, or just giving yourself lots of time. In my case, because I'm older, had had lots of past therapy, I just removed myself from the dating scene, did lots of reading and introspection. I did not want to repeat this mistake again (as I had more than one such experience like this). When you come reeling out of such a thing, my humble opinion is that is advisable to abstain from dating for a time (what amount of time is up to you), during which you regain yourself, your sense of self-worth, and ability to discern. Discernment of what is good and bad in potential partners is key in future healthy relationships.
Patty

OMG....good that you are out of it....
Actually, they say if the guy is so much into games....that means in their relationships they play game too...
I just hope that you got your lesson and you don't do all these for another guy....
besides, I want you to know that there are good guys out there too...just don't give up

Sounds like he has horrible people skills. It is shocking to have to go through something like this. I would cut my losses and run on the computer payments. He will just use that to play with you some more. I hope you pay attention to the red flags in the future because sometimes these people come back into our lives. Been there done that.

Life is so hard some times. I wish you the best, Adhesion.

Thanks for the well wishes. As for labeling him a sociopath, my therapist is actually the one who did that based on not just my experiences and description of him, but also friends of his who've known him since childhood, family members, and a phone conversation he actually had with my ex. We were TRYING to get him help. The best part is that since I discovered the cheating and asked for the computer back he is trying to tell his roomates i'm crazy and tried to beat him up and take the computer! That I'VE been stressing HIM out! He's afraid i'll take the computer while he's as work so wants the people he lives with to think i'm crazy so they'll call him if i come around! I just want my money because I cannot afford to pay off the $800 bill and I want him OUT of my life. I'm going for an STD test next week and pray i'm clean.

And yes, Seeker1950 I do accept responsibility for my part in enabling him and going along with his behaviors when I should have left WAY earlier. I beat myself up every day for staying as long as I did. I realize i didn't love myself enough to believe i deserved and could have better. I just don't want others to go through what i am if they can recognize the symptoms sooner.

You know, from what you say, it seems...well I get the feeling that this guy is also involved in some street drug activity as well as having a criminal history as well. I hope you get him out of your life very soon.

Go get a court order for the return of the computer..and be glad that you are out of it altogether,

Good luck,

Rhi

A court order will allow him to make her situation a lot worse. These people fool lawyers and judges.

Nuckingfutz is right. In my case, police only aggravated the situation. The guy broke into my house with a gun and tried to shoot me. The gun jammed, and to this day, I think I had a guardian angel that night. I lost around $20,000 to this nut, and the only way I got away from him was by selling my house and moving away from his neighborhood. He did go to jail, then prison for a short time, but nothing equal to his crimes. As Nucking said, these people know how to manipulate the system.

You know, about that computer situation...I do not think not using the legal system to get your money or the computer back would be a bad idea. Since you paid for it, you need to be compensated for it! If you made any loans to him, I would take him to court for that as well. Let us know how it goes.

I am going to give him the chance to abide by the contract and make the payments by MAIL, but I have informed the landlord that if he fails to make payments and does not hand over the computer willingly I will come to the house with the police. She was fine with this. My only added concern is that the landlord wants to kick him out and if that happens I may not be able to find him except through his parents.

I'm just so sad and sick about this whole thing. My gut has been bothering me enough that I looked up his online name and found him registered on several local hook up sites, so now i'm wondering if there was more going on than just the recent cheating with the co worker and how much i've been exposed to. I've reached a level of depression over this where it's almost impossible for me to get out of bed in the mornings and I don't ever think i'll trust myself or another person again.

Hello, Adhesion. Please take care of yourself. If the depression continues, maybe it would be prudent to get some help?

Be well.