[noirkitten]

ok, so im wondering if this is normal or could even be called a relationship. iv never really had an actully boyfriend but i do have someone iv met in a chat room three years ago. we call each ohter boyfriend and girlfriend even though to this day we still have not sent each ohter pictures, we do talk a lot on the phone.
here,s the story how i met him. it was a saterday night and i was just on the computer doing nothing really. i was bored so i decided to try to do a little cybering(this was three years ago and my hormones were raging so dont judge me). so i while i was in one of the chat rooms, this guy ask for my number. now i know it is always a bad idea to give your number out to a random stranger in a chat room but i wasnt really thinking back then. so i gave him my number anyway.
i can still remember one of the frist things he said was ''im jerking off''. romantic, right? so i admited to him that iv never had phone sex before, and then he says ''mabey we should get to no eachother frist. strange, huh. so we talked on the phone for like two hours about stuff like ''what,s your name'', what kind of movies or music do you like'', what,s your family like''. and i dont remember exactly when but at some point of that conversation he told me about how his ex dumped him and how he,s been suicdal and saything stuff like ''i dont think i,ll make it thru tonight. you know what i mean
in the midst of all this scary stuff he was telling me he said that he was falling in love with me(this was all in less then 4 hours). now i chould have hunged up on him, but i kind of liked him, he was a charactor. so i told him that i whould be his girlfriend(i did this so he whouldent kill himslef).
so some other shyt followed the next day that i wont get into, but three years, 300 more ''i wantto kill myslef epsiodes , 60 ''i cant take you anymore, stop calling me! and where still talking to each other, and we still say i love you. and very recently he told me he had asperger,s syndrom.
these days i find myslef getting more and more anoyed by him. he can be very narsastic about certain things. do any of you think i should still be with him or leave him

note: sorry i didnt have time to proof read this

[Belle1979]

Personally I don't think you can be in a relationship with someone you have never met..
Everyone is different - do you want it to continue?
Met someone in real life

[cutbuddie]

I agree with Belle1979, meeting someone online is very different from meeting in reality. Reality is more safer and you really get to know them more personally. Sure online could be great at times but once you meet them it's different. Be careful. xx Hope all goes well.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Agree with Belle & CB

[LittleForgetMeNot]

To me it seems like you're with this guy for all the wrong reasons.. You went out with him so he wouldn't kill himself, not because you liked him. You have to ask yourself, what do you get out of this relationship?

He seems very emotionally unstable and you seem very tired. I think you should leave him. If he says he is going to kill himself, well.. I think that you should leave that to his friends and family in real life who can give him proper support and possibly into therapy for his problems.

Good luck!

[Leed]

Hi ~ This guy sounds pretty dangerous to me. I'd get rid of him, and quick. I hope you didn't tell him your address!!! Break it off. Find someone CLOSE to you, that you can talk to face-to-face, and not just on the phone. Don't do any more cyber dating. That can be dangerous. It might have filled a need for you at the time, but don't do it anymore. Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[noirkitten]

well the thing is, even thou he does clealry have some mental problems, i like him. we,v been talking for three years and iv gotten to know him very well and he,s not a bad person at heart. he,s just mentally weak. i know this probully isnt the healthiest thing but..i dont know. mabey i should just keep him as a phone freind. at this rate the whole meeting each other thing seems to be going nowhere. oh and about the whole "what if he,s a child molester thing''. at frist i thought mabey, but it,s been three years. if he is, he's the most patiant child molseter in the world. no offense to any one when i say that

[LookingforCalm]

Since you've never met this person in real life, I would say you have nothing to feel guilty about severing ties with him. This seems like a volatile relationship anyway, and I'm sure as much as you wanted to help you're probably now at your wits end.

It's really up to you as to what you really want to do about him, but I think for your sanity's sake, you should think about what you are getting out of this. If you can't think of anything, then you know.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by noirkitten

well the thing is, even thou he does clealry have some mental problems, i like him. we,v been talking for three years and iv gotten to know him very well and he,s not a bad person at heart. he,s just mentally weak. i know this probully isnt the healthiest thing but..i dont know. mabey i should just keep him as a phone freind. at this rate the whole meeting each other thing seems to be going nowhere. oh and about the whole "what if he,s a child molester thing''. at frist i thought mabey, but it,s been three years. if he is, he's the most patiant child molseter in the world. no offense to any one when i say that

he can be anyone over the phone or in the chat room....I would not suggest to continue talking to him till you see at least a photo of him.....I don't understand why you guys don't exchange photos? where does he live? why don't you guys meet each other? that's really bizarre....and I agree with Belle...this is not a relationship if you guys haven't even met each other.....
take care of yourself and put your safety ahead of everything.....

[noirkitten]

Originally Posted by marjan

he can be anyone over the phone or in the chat room....I would not suggest to continue talking to him till you see at least a photo of him.....I don't understand why you guys don't exchange photos? where does he live? why don't you guys meet each other? that's really bizarre....and I agree with Belle...this is not a relationship if you guys haven't even met each other.....
take care of yourself and put your safety ahead of everything.....

the reason why we havent met was because we both lived on opposite sides of the country. not to mention i was only 14 when i met him. i'v honsetly never sent a picture to him because i was self concieses about my looks(i know that sounds stupid) and aparntently he feels the same way about himslef, i know that sounds like BS but i belive him. but i do countiue to ask for a photo, he said he,ll send me one when he can find a good picture

[marjan]

Originally Posted by noirkitten

the reason why we havent met was because we both lived on opposite sides of the country. not to mention i was only 14 when i met him. i'v honsetly never sent a picture to him because i was self concieses about my looks(i know that sounds stupid) and aparntently he feels the same way about himslef, i know that sounds like BS but i belive him. but i do countiue to ask for a photo, he said he,ll send me one when he can find a good picture

Oh my dear....you were just 14 years old talking to a guy who was married already....is that correct? and now you are 17? still under age....
my sweet heart...my heart....please please....DO NOT Contact this guy at all....he's not a right person in any level....I know I'm being harsh, but he's an adult who was trying to contact a 14 years old girl....I assume that he knows how old you are....This is forbidden under the law in most countries....
I'm sure you are beautiful and at top of that you have beauty of youth....so get involve with a guy same age of yourself....
you are in my heart....just protect yourself from this guy....

[noirkitten]

Originally Posted by marjan

Oh my dear....you were just 14 years old talking to a guy who was married already....is that correct? and now you are 17? still under age....
my sweet heart...my heart....please please....DO NOT Contact this guy at all....he's not a right person in any level....I know I'm being harsh, but he's an adult who was trying to contact a 14 years old girl....I assume that he knows how old you are....This is forbidden under the law in most countries....
I'm sure you are beautiful and at top of that you have beauty of youth....so get involve with a guy same age of yourself....
you are in my heart....just protect yourself from this guy....

aaaah!! no! he,s not married! he,s 19! sorry if i worte that worng , i said meant to write we wants to marry me but the edit thing whouldent let me fix it without fffen up my entire post, i dont want anyone to take that the worng way

[marjan]

Originally Posted by noirkitten

the reason why we havent met was because we both lived on opposite sides of the country. not to mention i was only 14 when i met him. i'v honsetly never sent a picture to him because i was self concieses about my looks(i know that sounds stupid) and aparntently he feels the same way about himslef, i know that sounds like BS but i belive him. but i do countiue to ask for a photo, he said he,ll send me one when he can find a good picture

oh...such a relief....however, still scary as you haven't met him yet and no picture....I think your best bet is just ask him his picture or talk on the skype....then both of you can see each other at the same time....then you know who you are dealing with....

[Belle1979]

Marjan is correct.. I don't mean to be negative...but how can you really know that he is the person he says he is? 19.. he could be 40 etc
Skype is free and you can video chat... it will give you a better feeling of him as a person.. at the start of this thread you sounded like you were thinking of breaking up with him.. is that still the case?

[noirkitten]

Originally Posted by Belle1979

Marjan is correct.. I don't mean to be negative...but how can you really know that he is the person he says he is? 19.. he could be 40 etc
Skype is free and you can video chat... it will give you a better feeling of him as a person.. at the start of this thread you sounded like you were thinking of breaking up with him.. is that still the case?

ok i dont know,now im in between. he just called me last night and he sounded very upset(his parnets are going thru a divorce) and he really wanted know if i still loved him. if he wasnt so nasrastic at times and even if he just listined to my problems once in a while then i whould defently stay with him. that,s one of the problems with also, when ever i have a bad day or whenever im feeling depressed he doesnt seem to be that intrested he,s just like "oh.. . so yeah, that upsets me a little. but on the brighter side of things, he can really make me laugh sometimes(he has a starnge sense of humor) and i feel like sometimes where kind of like BPJ. we just fit together. and i kind of don;t want to skyp with him yet, because well this going to sound very stupid, but im really not comferteble at all with my looks(that,s why i never put my photos up online).

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by noirkitten

ok i dont know,now im in between. he just called me last night and he sounded very upset(his parnets are going thru a divorce) and he really wanted know if i still loved him. if he wasnt so nasrastic at times and even if he just listined to my problems once in a while then i whould defently stay with him. that,s one of the problems with also, when ever i have a bad day or whenever im feeling depressed he doesnt seem to be that intrested he,s just like "oh.. . so yeah, that upsets me a little. but on the brighter side of things, he can really make me laugh sometimes(he has a starnge sense of humor) and i feel like sometimes where kind of like BPJ. we just fit together. and i kind of don;t want to skyp with him yet, because well this going to sound very stupid, but im really not comferteble at all with my looks(that,s why i never put my photos up online).

Oh man, you know, this really reminds me of my ex Jesse.. Like so much I get that deja vu feeling. Jesse used to always need to be reminded that I loved him, he would push me to say it even if I didn't want to because I didn't know how I felt and was uncomfortable saying it. If he was upset, that was what I needed to tell him, was that I loved him. When I was upset, he wouldn't help me either. He would more like verbally bash my Dad because my Dad is a little neglectant to put me into professional help, and I hated it when he did that cause I love my Dad very much. Either that or he would be like "That sucks...."

What really makes this seem similar to me, was the PBJ thing. The first letter of my name is P, and his was J and we used to joke that we really WERE like Peanut Butter and Jelly and his humor was close to mine and I thought because of these small things it was worth to stick around.. Dispite my uncomfortableness, and dispite how trapped I felt, dispite how he irritated me, and never really listened to what I had to say. He made me feel safe, and I thought being the way he was he would stay around (he planned on forever) and I could feel as safe for as long as I wanted.

The problem with online is that one can do anything and you cannot get caught. I found out Jesse had been cheating for almost 2 months the first week of October, with my old best friend, for the second time. But even so, even though he aparently loved her so much more than me, and he was happier with her, and such and so forth, for 2 months (even though I had left him momentarily a lot through those 2 months because I sensed it) he kept me on a leash and ALWAYS forced me back to stay with him.. even though he had her. The day after we broke up, he came back and told me he didn't want me to be with anyone else because it would hurt him.

Now I know things might not be the same with you and your boyfriend and I know my life story probably doesn't help, but I sense such similarities with this and I fear that you might not really him as much as you think you do. I thought I knew Jesse inside and out, we'd known each other for about a year in a half - two years, but obviously not. I thought it was best to stick with him dispite all the problems, but I was dropped when I found out, receaved death threats, and harassment. He never apologized for what he did, he never even felt a little sorry about it either and I wonder sometimes where in our relationship had he changed so drastically, and why I hadn't noticed it before.

Protect yourself, and do what you think is right for you

[noirkitten]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

Oh man, you know, this really reminds me of my ex Jesse.. Like so much I get that deja vu feeling. Jesse used to always need to be reminded that I loved him, he would push me to say it even if I didn't want to because I didn't know how I felt and was uncomfortable saying it. If he was upset, that was what I needed to tell him, was that I loved him. When I was upset, he wouldn't help me either. He would more like verbally bash my Dad because my Dad is a little neglectant to put me into professional help, and I hated it when he did that cause I love my Dad very much. Either that or he would be like "That sucks...."

What really makes this seem similar to me, was the PBJ thing. The first letter of my name is P, and his was J and we used to joke that we really WERE like Peanut Butter and Jelly and his humor was close to mine and I thought because of these small things it was worth to stick around.. Dispite my uncomfortableness, and dispite how trapped I felt, dispite how he irritated me, and never really listened to what I had to say. He made me feel safe, and I thought being the way he was he would stay around (he planned on forever) and I could feel as safe for as long as I wanted.

The problem with online is that one can do anything and you cannot get caught. I found out Jesse had been cheating for almost 2 months the first week of October, with my old best friend, for the second time. But even so, even though he aparently loved her so much more than me, and he was happier with her, and such and so forth, for 2 months (even though I had left him momentarily a lot through those 2 months because I sensed it) he kept me on a leash and ALWAYS forced me back to stay with him.. even though he had her. The day after we broke up, he came back and told me he didn't want me to be with anyone else because it would hurt him.

Now I know things might not be the same with you and your boyfriend and I know my life story probably doesn't help, but I sense such similarities with this and I fear that you might not really him as much as you think you do. I thought I knew Jesse inside and out, we'd known each other for about a year in a half - two years, but obviously not. I thought it was best to stick with him dispite all the problems, but I was dropped when I found out, receaved death threats, and harassment. He never apologized for what he did, he never even felt a little sorry about it either and I wonder sometimes where in our relationship had he changed so drastically, and why I hadn't noticed it before.

Protect yourself, and do what you think is right for you

hey littleforgetme, sorry what that asshole did too you.im kind if suprised that my sitiaution is somewhat similar , espically the whole him not listining to you when your upset thing. and i have wondered in the past if he was cheating on me, but i try to push those thoughts away, because if i dont know what i'll do if i found out. it would really break me. im glade that you got out of your sitiuation still intact

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Yeah, I felt like he would never do that and I would never have to deal with that because I was safe. When I found out it was like the whole world was ending and life didn't make sense, but it's suprising what us humans can live through!

It's hard to know what you really want sometimes. I felt safe with Jesse but I didn't really want him. I realize now looking back, if I had just trusted my feelings and had been just a little bit stronger, I could have broken the chains that kept me with him. I would have saved myself a lot of heartache these past few weeks, but I was scared of not feeling that security and even hurting him which wasn't something I wanted.

How he got me back so many times was guilting me to stay. He would act like he was going to suicide, he would tell me he was crying, he would stay things that he knew (cause he admitted this) that would make me feel horrible. He would push me into "hero" mode so I would try to save him from the pain that I was inflicting. The only way to do that was to stay.

It's really a hard battle that in the long run (if you haven't already tried to talk to him about how you feel) will only get worse. I tried a lot to get Jesse to understand me, I would find webpages and plead with him to read them so he could understand how I felt, but he brushed me off and pushed me aside. A good, healthy relationship is supposed to make you happy, it's supposed to be two people working for it together, not one person giving and the other only taking. People can only give so much until they run out of things to give. I couldn't give anything more to Jesse so he found someone else.

[noirkitten]

UPDATE: ok i just left a very nasty message on his cell phone telling him that i hope he kills himself. he really pushes me.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

i hope this doesn't get u into any kind of trouble! I've sent many of those in anger.. though it's not the most mature thing to do but it's already been done.

What did he do that pushed you so far?

[noirkitten]

well, he said a remark sexist remark about women. and im just not in the mood to deal with that kind of ********. this isnt the only time iv said something horrible to him out of anger and fustration. i told him once ''at least im going to school trying better myslef, all you do is sit on your *** watching porn". he also used the N word out of anger yesterday. it was about the new guy his mom was dateing.

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Wow, he certainly hasn't been acting great at all! I used to get really upset with Jesse with racism and all of that. He had an inexplainable hatred of mexicans and I would yell at him about it quite a bit when he'd bring it up. The last time I spoke to him he kept beating me down for "loving" my friend who is gay. He kept saying things like 'haha you're in love with a gay guy, how pathetic! You know he's not gonna feel the same way so why even bother? God you've fallen to such a low level!' I got so pissed off at him, especially since he knew what I meant when I said I loved my friend, that I did end up telling him to go die, burn in hell and suffer for all enternity.

Has he responded to you about that message? Also, how are you feeling about breaking up or staying together?

[noirkitten]

Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot

Wow, he certainly hasn't been acting great at all! I used to get really upset with Jesse with racism and all of that. He had an inexplainable hatred of mexicans and I would yell at him about it quite a bit when he'd bring it up. The last time I spoke to him he kept beating me down for "loving" my friend who is gay. He kept saying things like 'haha you're in love with a gay guy, how pathetic! You know he's not gonna feel the same way so why even bother? God you've fallen to such a low level!' I got so pissed off at him, especially since he knew what I meant when I said I loved my friend, that I did end up telling him to go die, burn in hell and suffer for all enternity.

Has he responded to you about that message? Also, how are you feeling about breaking up or staying together?

eh heh. from the sounds of it he didnt even hear my message...yet. im really begining not to see a future with him

[SakuraLi]

Girl, you need to ditch this guy and get into a healthy relationship! End of story, no internet substitutes because your experience with this guy could have implications on future relationships. plus it sounds like you need to address your self esteem issues before yoou can really begin to meet good guys. it seems like you are just with this guy cuz he pays you attention. but a relationship needs emotional intimacy and team work and care which im not hearing in your post. its not your job to fix a messed up guy its his job to fix himself. trust me on this one get your own issues taken care of first to enable yourself to have future relationships that are healthy andd happy. i hope this helps. peace