Would I be selfish to bring this up?

I wanna ask my boyfriend why we rarely goes out? Even on our anniversary, we didn't really go anywhere. I didn't even get the chance to dress up, and we didn't even take pictures. We were in our volunteer clothes 'cause he didn't want to go home and change. I don't even receive gifts, and I'm starting to think my gifts to him mean nothing too. I have most of my gifts to him, the cards, the pictures, the frame, some shirts. He kept some clothes i bought him 'cause it seems his mom didn't figure out that someone bought it for him. He said that he just told his parents about me, but somehow that's always so elusive. Like we can only go out during the day, the last time we go out at night (long long time ago) he had curfew of 9. He's 23....
I haven't been to a movie theater for so damn long! and the only time I remember is when I take my sister to see her movie. So I pressed the issue, kind of, I said I was thinking we should go see a movie, and he said he'll ask his mom and it's set for this coming friday but I don't even know that'll go through. I have the tendency to not depend so much on that anymore, 'cause when he says he'll meet me at 10, he'll be late like half an hour of 45 min. He said he wants us to go to this city for one day so we can get some business done and I can see my friends, and I told my friends and we ended up not going. Eventually I just stopped telling my friends when I plan on coming 'cause he always pushes it back to whenever. I wanna ask why is that that even though he said his parents know about me, I never get invited whenever his family go out or do something, and when my family does I ask him to join and he always declines.
I wanna ask why is that that when I offer my invitation to his brother through him, asking him to ask his brother to come with us to the beach when we go, and that we should go to the beach, well there's obviously now not a beach trip for just us at first, and when I press the question further, he now says his brother's busy. When I asked if his parents would like to come, he says his dad doesn't really like going to the beach, and his mom's lazy to go if his dad doesn't.
But then one day he says, him and his brother are going to a friend's house and hung out there the whole day. His brother isn't so busy anymore is he?
I feel like it sounds so darn selfish, but I just really like to get to know ANYONE in his family, and not that I'm upset he's hanging out with his friend but that I'm never incorporated into his life!
One day, he was spending time with me, and when his mom called I figured out through his one sided conversation that he told his mom he was studying at a bookstore. And when I asked, he just answered it vaguely and never really answer my question as to what he told his mom. Then I got tired, and I said I know you didn't really tell your mom you were with me today. And he said he'll tell her once he gets home. I doubt that.
I just wanna ask him, what the heck is going on!
I think right now I'm mad, and when I'm mad, I babble on, and it wouldn't make sense if I bring it up to him now. Someone please help me and point out my flaws so I can see it more clearly. I'm just torn.
I have to edit, when we used to live together during school (graduated half year ago), we did go out several times to go eat, or tried to when we have money. But I have a feeling it was rarely too 'cause whenever I call up my close friends to ask them for restaurant recommendation, they'd be so excited because I'm finally going out somewhere.....so I'm sure it's not his fault entirely. I just need to know how to fix this issue...I think.

Talk to him...
open communication is key in healthy relationships.

Talk to him about it honestly. We are all different people. I re-energize myself by having a lot of alone time, staying in my house. My wife is the exact opposite, she enjoys going out and being around a lot of people.

We compromise. I will go out, at times when I dont want to, because I know it will make her happy. I am certain she does the same for me, doesnt pressure me to go out and will stay home and watch a movie.

Just tell him how you feel. Please dont expect him to read your mind. Whatever expectations you have, let him know. If you like receiving gifts, great, tell him. I could care less if someone buys me something, it sounds like your boyfriend could be the same way, who knows.

I hope your talk goes well.

Hey there uoffl

Theres more to this situation than meets the eye. I'd be asking him some tough questions and I wouldn't let go until I had the answers

Rhia

I think you are not in the United States? I don't understand about his parents and brothers being more important to him than you are. They should not be in your relationship at all. I don't think you are very important to him if he is not pursuing you and trying to please you more than he is trying to please and keep peace with his family. He does not sounds like a good choice to you because, though he might change (doesn't look likely yet) his family will not and they are important to him.

Hi uoffl,

I know what you mean, when I get mad about something I can't stop thinking about it. All in all this doesn't seem fair. Why hasn't your boyfriend told his family about you? Are they very strict? Even so, he should be open enough to tell you about this. Also, if you want to go out with him and he never wants to go... or never invites you anywhere this doesn't sound very fun. I think you really have to sit down and talk to him about this. Maybe take a few deep breaths so that you don't come across as angry with him and simply ask him what is going on in a nice but assertive way. It is not weird at all to want to be going out with your guy, or to want to join him with his family or friends. If there is a reason you can't join him with his family (or his friends) he should tell you what that is. But it doesn't seem fair that he won't even talk about it...
Let us know how it goes.

E

I agree with Rhiannonsmoon. The way your friend is acting has a smell to it.

i remember you are dealing with cultural issues in your relationship with this guy and his family, but a 9 pm curfew at 23 years old? come on. you are doing nothing wrong. this is his issue with allowing his family to control his life. the only thing you can do is decide if you are willing to go along with it or not. i think you deserve better and i am mad on your behalf. i think you need to expect to be treated better than this and not settle for this. sorry for being so blunt.

lol yeah Bloom3, it's basically the same question I asked a few months ago, just different circumstances I suppose.

To Perna, I'm in United States, but I came from Asian origin, as does my boyfriend which can explain how his parents are strict. I don't think it's actually his family though. I just have this feeling his family is actually very nice, and he's just paranoid about how strict they are?

To everyone,
I think I'm gonna have to bring it up to him some time in the future. How often does couple usually see each other though? Anyone with experience can tell me? I don't wanna be be asking too much of him. Thanks for everyone's insight!