What Not to Say to Me if I Put a Roof Over Your Head...

I can't pay you for 2 weeks. I could have gotten killed in the woods. You are a stupid child, I am an adult. You probably don't know many adults. Told him I flunked drivers test the first time I took it. His response: loser! I play games because he offered me bread. I said no because his food will run out & mine won't run out. I thought it was kind of me. He said I was playing childish games. All but accused a friend of mine of stealing his wallet when he misplaced his. Cleaned house got sweaty...did you take a shower in the past day or 2 or forget to put on deoderant on? Oh, you missed cleaning the microwave & behind the faucet. My exwife and I have real intellegent conversations that I can't have with other people. Sex is silly. You should have had kids. This guy gets up in my face & rants about how he is a responsible parent & I need to grow up. I got this response after he told me that I had bad character because I expected rent before he moved in. Said he does not judge. Was bipolar, not anymore. Unhun!

Ran out of room there because I am on a cell so I shall continue. Here is what I thought and felt and finally did and will do. My reaction...this guy has lost his ever loving mind! Reality eludes him and does not know he's out there. I may be sweaty but I worked my ever loving *** of just to see if that would meet his standards (I knew it wouldn't but I continue to use my mania constructively). Not once has he said thank you since being here. My livingroom stinks like dirt, stale sweat, greasy hair...about 5 hours ago it smelled like fresh air. Guy smells a lot worse than I did before I took a shower. He started a new job today. I found out from his resume that he has had 15 jobs in the past 3 years which is when I met him. He was so different then. Says he will become an important inventor someday. Says he is still in love with his ex and they talk and are close. He isn't even one of her facebook friends. I think he has some delusional thinking going on. I wrote his ex a note on fb (continued)

Out of concern and to let her know I am kicking his euer loving *** out in the morning. Told her how he talked to me like some kind of stupid animal that just can't understand. I never believed a bad word he said about me. Thanks to PC I know better. I am angry as hell at him. I would have helped him if he would have treated me with humanity. Would have washed his sheets and clothes. Would have made him dinner. But he blew it and was angry, judgemental and verbally and emotionally abusive with me. No one treats me that way anymore. Thanks for reading this vent. Love to all, NF

Is he still living with you NF? I reckon you are doing the right thing by asking him to leave. You don't need that in your life.

He is here but leaves in a couple of hours. Then when he gets back I am telling him to leave. I could handle a day or 2 but then it would start to erode as time went on. The things he said about me were not true at all. I am not a selfish child who plays games.

Oh what an asshole!! You are right, none of that junk is true and he doesn't deserve your help. Mania and being around a jerk aren't a good combination.

sorry NF - not sure exactly what's going on (Maybe my mania is not allowing me to understand a single sentence either...)
But in your last 2 posts you definitely say nothing but the truth. You do deserve to be treated with respect. Any less and he's out.
Hold tight and stick to your guns

Write down what you're going to say. Keep it simple and to the point. Rehearse what you're going to say. Stick to the script, think of yourself as a boss and you're firing an employee. If he acts out, stick to the script and don't get caught up in defensive or accusatory behavior, you are the landlord. "It's not up for discussion" is one way you can help keep your boundaries firm. Don't use threats. And don't believe he will tell you the truth about anything. If he says the sun is shining, don't believe it, trust what YOU know, not what he says.

The first moment he gets out of line, don't wait for anything to escalate, call the police for protection. Tell the operator that you're afraid he's going to hurt you. Don't put your phone down, keep it in your possession. Open your door and wait, and run if you have to.

Use your firm, employer-like voice. Trust your instincts, trust your gut. Be an adult who takes care of herself. Stand up for you!

IMHO/JME, of course.

I'm confused - are you talking about that guy who was sleeping on your sofa? I thought you lived alone now.

Good...that you're getting him out! I hope you will be safe and not have a problem in doing this!
Patty

you may also be able to have the poplice there as a "civil standby" if you are afraid of his reaction. they will make sure he has all his belongings and gets out without much fuss. if he acts out in front of them, they can move him along or arrest him.

please be careful and good for you to stick to your guns! i agree with notz about writing yourself a script

tc!

thanks once again for being here. Although we have never met f2f here at PC some of you know me quite well. It takes a lot of concurent stressors to get me to off. I am proud that I never reacted either positively nor negatively to his angry yelling rants. Yes I have a friend staying on the couch in my little den/library. I think he sized this guy up and let me learn my lesson without rubbing my face but stayed because his apartment is going through major renovations. So this is my plan. I call him on his cell, tell him that he cannot stay here after all and he needs to come get his things at an arranged time. At that time I will be outside with all his things, door locked, phone in hand. I do not have to give him a reason, argue or debate, make up reasons or converse with him. I have no respect for him or is opinions. Starting a debate with an angry, irrational person will not be productive/pleasant. I am sticking to "you can't stay here...you need to leave" as my mantra. I will keep you updated.

you are doing what you have to do....you know better than everybody else here what he told you and what you have to do with him....so, be proud of yourself and let him leave your home....

you will find a peace after that.....and write to us as much as you want...ranting is good...that's why you have PC friends

take care
Marjan

Call DV Hotline to share my situation and go over my script. The only change she recommended was to have him come in, tell him he needs to get his things together and leave as he cannot stay here. If he gets angry and threatens me in anyway, call 911. I do not even have to listen to his rant...just call 911. That is my part. My higher power has made a big rainstorm (since he is an adult he rides a bicycle like a big boy). Sometimes my higher power has a sense of humor and I like it. I will be ranting and venting (children do that even though I am 47). Somecome back lines if he gets emotionally stupid are: you need to get your things and go, adults can handle situations like this. Well maybe I am (fill in the blank) but you need to leave now. Those are some starters. I feel calm. Knowing you are here for me makes all the difference in the world.

Good luck with taking care of this bit of nasty business. Don't forget to breath. It will all be over soon. Be safe.

Took a 1/2 klonopin. He doesn't even rate a whole one. Besides after he leaves I plan on enjoying the rest of the rain storm. No way I would be this cool about it without you guys. Guess I will let my avitar speek for itself.

Just one thing....Please don't call 911 unless he's really getting physically abusive....and you think he will hurt you....

You might regret it later on if you just call 911 to scare him....

Just my advice to you....

Stay calm and practice deep breathing....It will help....

take care
M.

He is here. I told him that him living here was not and option. Said it was not working for me. He threw the same judgements at me. My response was whatever. He said but it is raining. Told him that wasn't my problem. Wanted to start over. Told him go ahead I just won't be there. Told me tgat God would make me feel guilty for making him sleep in the rain in a tent. Told him I did it plenty in the military and I was fine. He called his ex wife to come get him to take him to his sisters house. From the phone calls I am hearing he has difficulty finding a place to stay. Told me not to get married. Told him same-sex marriage wasn't legal. He said see, that does not make sense so obviously there is a problem there (meaning mental). I just found out that the job Mr. Mechanical Engineer grad drives a city bus. It is a living but do not act like a great inventor. Anyway, he is gone. Sigh...

((((NF))))))

I'm glad that he is gone! Good for you standing up for you! I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. Have you got your meds?

Tally ho ho ho, NF!

Wow, good on you! That was so brave. You deserve to live in a peaceful environment. Would that I were so brave. Good job.

Thank you all once again.

I guess I need to share how I feel now. Physically it feels like someone hit me in my solar plexis. I felt waves of anger coming off of him. Everything he said to me seemed backwards from reality. Everything that is bad is someone elses fault. When I told him to leave I got the impression he has been asked to leave...in his marriage as well as jobs and friendships. It was trying to doubt my own perceptions about myself. As strong as I am, that pain in my solar plexis lets me know he tried really hard at every step. In the end however, he blew a good opportunity and made life more difficult for himself once again. May take a few days to get back to my spunky self. There is self doubt there, shock that he is so out of touch reality. I have written in my journal and that helps. Certainly not manic anymore. But I am glad he is gone. Thank you all for reading.

Ms Futz,

You have been nothing but kind and respectful caring and supportive of me since I joined here in 2008; you've guided me pointed me in the right direction and at one point helped me to organise my thoughts enough to pull myself together. You gave me a sturdy emotional roof over my head at a time when I was in a real mess with anxiety.

You didn't have to do that, you could have read my rant and ignored it but you didn't. I know the kind of support and love you deserve and it isn't what is coming out of his mouth; it isn't shown in the treatment you are getting from him.

I would like to read that you stood your ground and ordered him out of your home and out of your life. I would advise him that he should return to his ex so that he can feel supported and deeply loved the way his claims state he is with her.

You deserve much better and you know it is out there and it will meet you when the time is right,

Love & Hugs,

Rhian

Hey Rhian, I am glad I was able to help you through some tough times yot have gone through. That is the beauty of this place...we all support eachother well! The jerk is gone. As I was journaling about said jerk, he reminded me of someone else in my life...that would be my mother! You see, mom is a NARCISSIST! You might want to google that word because that seems to be the bottom line in this situation. The woman who raised me and the man who is now a former friend are both textbook cases of of this personality disorder. I would definately google narcissist. Least I do not believe anything he said to me anymore and I feel validated now. Thanks for readinhg, NF