[divine1966]

I think I need people on PC to set me straight.

The issue is that we are engaged and want to just elope two of us this summer and then go on a honeymoon and do squad for our wedding, no reception and no one at the ceremony. Why? Number of reasons

My family lives close by but his isn't, and to get them all together is difficult

My daughter comes stays with us for two weeks vacation soon but dates are inconvenient for us getting married ( number of reasons, just wrong timing and have other stuff planned )snd I don't want to do anything with her not here. It's tough for her to travel very often as she lives far, works and finishes her masters in the evenings so flying back and forth every few months is just unreasonable

We have large wedding coming up in my immediate family and we don't want to interfere with our wedding, we also have other big events in the family this year and there is no where to squeeze us getting married. We don't want to wait till next year.

We don't want to spend money on it or plan anything lol

We were married before and already had traditional weddings with white dress and what not.

His family isn't very reliable and overall he is kind of embarrassed of them a bit. He is always a bit stressed commingling our families. They might not show or show up at wrong time or say things that make no sense. I also don't believe they treat him right. His family stresses him out. I don't want him to stress out

There are hundreds of reasons why we don't want to do anything.

Now the true issue: we are afraid we will upset people .

Some people make comments directly or indirectly or imply that our idea of just eloping is inherently wrong. His sister sounded as she would be offended as she is puzzled why we want to elope. Some of my friends ( a few not all of course) made strange comments too. We don't want to alienate people by doing something ridiculous. We both ( especially he) always worry we will make people upset.

My t told me to stop worrying about upsetting other people and start doing whatever the heck I want as long me and my future husband are on the same page (we always are). If people get upset well too bad they will get over it. Lol she is funny

My mom agreed that eloping and honeymoon is brilliant idea. My mom
just survived stage 3 cancer so she doesn't worry about pity stuff. My daughter just wants me happy ( her dad did same thing, eloped and went on a honeymoon). His kids expressed no opinion, but didn't say they would be upset or anything ( but who knows though, they might be, just not saying and then later they would make him feel bad)

So we both can't shake the feeling that we will upset people. And people will resent us or think poorly of us. It stresses us out, being the type of people who worry about things we cannot stop thinking we will upset people. We don't want to be stressed out about it. This is very happy time in our life and we don't want to spoil it by upsetting people

I guess I need more people to kick my butt and tell me to go do whatever we want. Or not... Ugh





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[Nammu]

I agree with your T. Don't worry about those who think they will be offended...those kinds of people will find something to be upset about no matter what you do. A wedding is about the two people getting married not about pleasing others. If you both want to elope then that's what you should do. Weddings are expensive affairs mostly enjoyed by the guests and stressed over by the people getting married, they've lost meaning.

[LadyShadow]

I agree with your T 100%. Its YOUR day. Its YOU and your husband. Its your life together that you are celebrating, and that's exactly that it should be.

[TishaBuv]

I'm really traditional about weddings. If it were me, I would want to have the children there (his and yours) and whatever family and friends who can come.

I made a wedding for my sister in my house, her second wedding. It only cost a few hundred dollars for sheet cake and sandwich platters. I even put cheap bunches of flowers in vases from my house and made cute center pieces on folding tables. My family are musicians so it was a big jam session. The bride played drums!

It is a coming together of two people and two families.

But-- you can definitely elope and do whatever you want.

Honestly, ordering cake and platters took minutes. I moved the living room furniture away and put up card tables. It was really nice.

And talk about embarrassing relatives! If I thought my family was strange, the groom's family was much worse! We laughed.

Congratulations and enjoy whatever you do. Oh yes, and you have to invite all of us on PC

[Bill3]

Do what you and your fiance want to do.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I agree with your T. Don't worry about those who think they will be offended...those kinds of people will find something to be upset about no matter what you do. A wedding is about the two people getting married not about pleasing others. If you both want to elope then that's what you should do. Weddings are expensive affairs mostly enjoyed by the guests and stressed over by the people getting married, they've lost meaning.

Thank you, that's the thing. People who are getting married are stressing out over things so others can enjoy it. I don't mind just have get togethers. We often host events but it doesn't have to our wedding!

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Do what you and your fiance want to do.

I needed to hear it! Thank you

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[Yoda]

Go do whatever you want.

Best wishes

Unless someone else is paying for your wedding, they have no say in it. If they want to share in something special, they can throw you a reception. Otherwise, do whatever the hell makes you and your significant other happy.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I'm really traditional about weddings. If it were me, I would want to have the children there (his and yours) and whatever family and friends who can come.

I made a wedding for my sister in my house, her second wedding. It only cost a few hundred dollars for sheet cake and sandwich platters. I even put cheap bunches of flowers in vases from my house and made cute center pieces on folding tables. My family are musicians so it was a big jam session. The bride played drums!

It is a coming together of two people and two families.

But-- you can definitely elope and do whatever you want.

Honestly, ordering cake and platters took minutes. I moved the living room furniture away and put up card tables. It was really nice.

And talk about embarrassing relatives! If I thought my family was strange, the groom's family was much worse! We laughed.

Congratulations and enjoy whatever you do. Oh yes, and you have to invite all of us on PC

Thank you Tish, I understand what you are saying.

I am also traditional about weddings. My daughter had the most beautiful wedding and now my nephew is having one. I love weddings. I had one, and so had my fiancée ( his was full of drama though the same way his marriage was).

The thing is we don't feel the need to have traditional wedding. We would only do it as not to upset some people who in fact are constantly upset about something anyways! We just don't think it's good enough reason to have a commotion. Plus as I mentioned with the way events are planned for this year and with a lot of travel between relatives it cannot happen this year. And we aren't waiting till next year.

We make good money and we can afford cake and stuff and then some ( we host holidays often) but we feel money would be better spent on things we want, which isn't a celebration.

If I did what you described ( such as a reception even if inexpensive) it would be again to please other people.

And that's what we both often do. He more than I ( he was raised with abusive father and subsequently lived in abusive marriage), my fiancée is the type of man who is strong in a professional world but lacks strength in personal life, often acts as a doormat and is often pushed around. I don't want him to go through the wedding because he is afraid his family will get pissed. They might get pissed regardless what he does.

I initially was going to do it because I worried his sister will be displeased with him. But then we discussed more and then we just don't feel we need to do it.

I just need support in it so I don't stress out

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I agree with your T 100%. Its YOUR day. Its YOU and your husband. Its your life together that you are celebrating, and that's exactly that it should be.

Thank you!!!!

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[TishaBuv]

The people who love you, will love you regardless.

Follow-up on my sister's life... Even though they kicked their marriage off with all the family present and supportive and everybody acted nice and loving, her husband's family are now feuding over the parents' dying process (they're slowly going) and the sister pulled stuff with the will and they'll never speak to her again anyway.

[Trippin2.0]

Elope, people who get offended will be choosing to get offended.


It's not their wedding.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

The people who love you, will love you regardless.


Follow-up on my sister's life... Even though they kicked their marriage off with all the family present and supportive and everybody acted nice and loving, her husband's family are now feuding over the parents' dying process (they're slowly going) and the sister pulled stuff with the will and they'll never speak to her again anyway.

Sorry about your sister. But here you go. You can start marriage with fancy wedding and shyte will hit the fan later regardless. I don't need wedding to have a good marriage

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Elope, people who get offended will be choosing to get offended.


It's not their wedding.

Thank you. That's their choice. Good point

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My oldest son and his fiancee are having a planned elopement this summer with everyone's blessings. They can't afford a big wedding right now, but they are ready to make things official, so they'll be going to the city hall to get married soon. Parent's and siblings will be there, but that's it. She has an elopement dress and a photographer lined up for that day. Down the road they'll do a more formal renewal and reception and have a party for a larger crowd.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

My oldest son and his fiancee are having a planned elopement this summer with everyone's blessings. They can't afford a big wedding right now, but they are ready to make things official, so they'll be going to the city hall to get married soon. Parent's and siblings will be there, but that's it. She has an elopement dress and a photographer lined up for that day. Down the road they'll do a more formal renewal and reception and have a party for a larger crowd.

Sounds like smart choice. I haven't even thought of a dress dang it. Clearly not white lol

Friend of mine advised going to a salon take pictures that day but later. I know we will be a mess at the moment to have any decent pics. My fiancée has Tourettes ( very mild under normal circumstances but flaring up under stress), we are also both cry babies lol although my daughter and her husband both cried at their ceremony and those are the most beautiful pics ever.

Thank you all. I feel more confident now just eloping and not worrying about others. I'll be updating you

PS we plan on eloping out of state and that state doesn't even require witnesses. Works for us

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[unaluna]

Yeah I think the first marriage people have the big party, but after that it's not really appropriate to call the whole village to witness your vows. I didn't keep the vows the first time, I think myself I'm calling wolf!

Yeah, go for it, it's your day and your choice.

Seems like the important people understand, that's the main thing.

We did something similar when we got married, best day ever, totally relaxed and chilled - remember it always. Cost very little, we can't believe people spend so much on weddings, well each to their own I guess.

Think some wider family and friends were a little miffed but didn't matter to us, doubt they even remember it now.

[barbella]

I think it's OK to elope. If anyone feels they missed something, perhaps they could give you a party when you return.

Congratulations to you both and I wish you all the best of luck!

[Chyialee]

I am delighted for you, Divine! Woohoo!

Do what will make it meaningful and valuable to the two of you. Those who will mind, don't matter -- and those who matter, won't mind!

Crazyman and I will surely figure out some way to get the deed done this year...His mother requires to be there, bc she thought she'd never see the day ;lol. Other than that, it's gonna be vanishingly small, and people who get mad...can just scratch and get glad in the same clothes, as Aunt Pearl used say!

Blessings on your heads,
xo
Chyia, voting that ppl get over themselves

I'm so happy for you!

The best way to elope is, I think, by not telling anyone you plan to do so...

I second the photographer, though....Then you can send out an announcement to extended family.

Best wishes to both of you.

[divine1966]

Thank you! We didn't think of a photographer. But then again we can go take pics elsewhere and call them wedding pictures lol

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Divine I just did the whole Wedding thing for the second time. We talked about eloping but too many factors prevented us from feeling comfortable with that.

That being said weddings are stressful!!!!! No way around it. You have to do what you and your fiancé feel is best.

Having a wedding, white dress and all (well ivory lol) was what was best for us. Our children could be with us and participate in the ceremony and my ailing grandmother could witness something she had been waiting for for a few years.

If you know the stress will be too much then elope.

Whatever you choose congratulations and many wonderful years ahead!

[divine1966]

Thank you!!!!!

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