[sleepless0x]

Lately things have been going to **** for me. I've been feeling sick, so I haven't been eating, which has caused me to be quite depressed and stuck inside. One of my good friends committed suicide the other day, and my boyfriend hasn't been here to comfort me. I love this guy so much, he's hilarious, he's gorgeous, he's like a best friend and a lover to me. The problem is he gets extremely jealous and angry over little things. We argue quite a bit. It seems he can't put his own ego down to save our relationship. He gets angry when I won't give him oral sex everyday. Everyone tells me I should leave, but I'm so in love with this guy. I'm so hypocritical, I can't take my own advice that I give to my friends.

Last night he went to his friends house to drink, I stayed home because I was feeling sick. He came back home piss drunk, and closes the laptop as I'm trying to help my best friend, who's been feeling suicidal. He pushes me down to the bed, and starts being really rough with me, I was so weak and sick I could barely get him off of me. My body is still hurt and shaking from last night. Eventually he passes out, and I end up seeing the texts he was hiding from me. He's been sending flirty text messages to this girl while I was laying right beside him. Saying she was cute and that he is probably going to see her downtown for Canada Day. I'm not spending Canada Day with him, so I'm feeling so paranoid as to if he's cheating or about to..
I feel so weak, I feel like I should break up with him, but I'm too in love with him, it's so hard..

[Perna]

I think you need to see a doctor, find out why you are not eating and get your health straightened out. That should be a priority, it's your health. Maybe when you're feeling physically better and are healthier, you can work on the boyfriend issue. I think you're letting your physical health affect your mental health and need to fix that "drain" right away.

[Elana05]

Hi sleepless0x,

I agree with Perna about the dr's appt. Do you have a therapist or someone you can talk to? I know you say you have a lot of feelings of love for this guy but if you re-read your post... this sounds like abuse to me. The fact that he was being so rough (after coming home drunk) and also that he shut your computer on you. I urge you to take some time to really think about this - and find someone to talk to who will listen without judgement like a counselor or social worker. This relationship sounds like it has some troublesome (seriously troublesome) parts to it. There are definitely other fish in the sea. This guy sounds like he puts you down and doesn't appreciate you or care when you're not feeling well. The part about oral sex every day or he gets angry? Try to imagine what you would say to yourself if you were (instead) a good friend in the same situation (be honest). Sending you caring thoughts.

E

This guy sounds like trouble to me.

[sleepless0x]

Thanks guys I really appreciate the advice. I don't have a therapist anymore, but I'm looking in to getting a new one. I'm going to take some time away from him so I can figure things out. I live with him, so I'm going to move back with my parents for a bit. I know I should break up with him, it's so difficult. Every time I get around to it, I choke, because I start thinking about how much I love him.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

About how much you love him or about being alone? One moment you give his good points and then his worst points....I so agree with Perna, little one and I think you need time alone much more than you realise. I really hope you get things sorted, you have a beautiful life ahead of you if you will just reach out for it and take it with both hands and an open heart...you will see how simple and fun your life becomes when you move home with your parents,

loving thoughts,

Rhian

[sanityseeker]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It is sad that you are left to process those feelings alone. I think you are wise to move home and get a break from your bf and his abuse. I agree with what has already been suggested about you needing to attend to your physcial health issues. That is the only way you are going to have the mental and emotional capacity to deal with the issues with your boyfriend.

Wishing you well. Take good care of you hun.

Your friend is an abuser:

http://www.healthleader.uthouston.ed...epingenemy.htm

[sleepless0x]

I'd like to inform you all, I left him. And I feel amazing <3

[susan888]

(((Sleepless)))

Good choice... even if it was hard. Be strong... There will be someone in your life that will love you like you deserve to be loved.

I am so sorry about your friend.....take comfort in your family.

[sanityseeker]

Wishing you well sleepless.

I do as well, sleepless.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hopefully now you will be able to change your name from sleepless to slumberfull...good work