[rainwater]

I am not all that intellegent having conversations with ppl and often times loose my train of thought and words. I have bipolar and know the illness and the anxiety, depression makes me feel stupid compared to my fiance,coworkers, family and others in general. I wish i was gifted with talents my fiance has so many of and I just want this stupid illness to leave me alone it covers up all of my potential and leaves me feeling useless. I am stable on meds they are doing all they can. I just wish I could be as smart as my fiance is he really seems to have it all under control so well and with such ease kinda feel angry alot.

[midnight_soul]

i know how u feel. my husband also has many gifts, he is so respected by every one in this town. every one loves him, they make his laugh and invite him over but...no one comes 2 see me or give me respect of any kind. i feel so un-equal 2 him and i hate that. we use to laugh and had so much in common but now that i am always so sick with this illness in my mind, plus my body limitates me to doing very little due to unimanigable pain. i can't work unless i get lucky on side jobs here and there, such as the one i have now however it is grueling work and i can barely take the pain. but i so want 2 please him just as you feel with your husband, however i can't compare 2 him.

i know that we are not suppose to compare ourselves to others, we are to just be who we are and try to find a way to call some thing.....our gift. i do have a gift, in fact i have many however, when i give that gift to others they never pay me for it. ( i am a photographer). i have done weddings charging a fraction of what a professional does and my photo's are just as good. long story there...not going into it.

sweetie, i am sure you must have some thing, no gift is to small so if you can remember what i said to u about that and use it in any way u can. u are here, maybe u can help some one with kind words making their day brighter, making them smile etc. u may not realize it at the time, but i am sure u have helped many people here so....there is a gift within u.

i can't comment on finances for u, i am in that titanic myself. not all gifts come with a paycheck.

i don't know u, and u don't know me however, i send loving thoughts your way and i pray that TODAY....u will discover at least "one" gift that is worthy of yourself and for just today i pray you can try not to compare yourself to your significant other. i will do the same with u.

i hope that helps even if is only a tiny bit.

[Leed]

Hi Rainwater ~ I too know what you mean. I'm invisible. No one ever knows I'm around. Oh I'm physically there, but it's like they just can't see me. I'm not important ~ I don't count ~ I'm not of anyone's "caliber." It's like that when I shop too - They'll wait on someone who came AFTER me before they'll wait on me. Umm, like - where did I go??? Hello - I'm still here ! It gets frustrating.

I don't feel very intelligent either although my shrink says I am. It doesn't come out of my mouth that I am. I can't complete with these college educated people - I just graduated from high school. And like you, I lose my train of thought and end up standing there looking like an idiot.

Oh well. I might as well get used to it. At this age, its not gonna change. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by rainwater

I just wish I could be as smart as my fiance is he really seems to have it all under control so well and with such ease kinda feel angry alot.

Hello rainwater,

Welcome to pc. Of everything you have written this stands out the most to me.

Your fiance is a different person altogether than you. bipolar does hamper and hinder yes, but when under control the symptoms do ease some.

Finding inner peace is one of the major ways to combat bipolar and when you do achieve it it is something that really makes a huge difference.

I wish you all the best, and hoping that you are able to settle soon and just love yourself.

[rainwater]

thank you for everyone respond to my post. I am so grateful when i feel understood and heard by others who know or been in similar situation. I think its a great idea to focus on me getting peace of mind. I go to these alanon meetings. nobody there has bipolar but its where I am trying to accept and love myself. The only way I think to find peace doing that is separate me from my illness..It is so hard. But I keep trying..and advice you gave to not compare myself to my partner is very appreciated advice.

Have a Wonderful Peaceful Day,

Hugs, Rainwater

[rainwater]

Thanks you guys for commenting. Really helps to here some fresh advice from others and your stories as well. I am going to really work on the inner peace and not comparing myself to partner. Yes, he is a multi talented guy and whole different person. I just love his heart so much for 3 years been together. I dont want my insecurities to get bad. Alot of times I am thinking that he could do so much better, will we stay together. I think I have some gifts working with children.. Have worked for 10 years in school kitchens and daycare centers. I guess I can explain myself a soft spoken nurturing type with children. My fiance works for Microsoft we met through our 18 year old kids.
Well, I am sorry for boring you if I did but thanks for being here, and I really wish you all alot of Love Today!

Rainwater

[lokipooh]

wow I thought it was just me I was very intelligent until my last year of high school so much went on that I went blank. I was always anxious and felt really stupid which confused my teachers after looking at my grades. I lose my train of thought I get distracted and when I'm uncomfortable I get angry or just leave the situation. It sucked because I married a guy who was raised by a doctor and teacher so he would always correct me and make me look stupid around other people. I feel like now that we separated I'm doing it to people I know. I'm 28 I was married for 7yrs with just him never finished school pretty much did everything for my ex. Now all the people my age have degree's and know about alot of stuff. I just know the stuff my ex liked I felt like I was living his life not my own. Maybe we might lose our train of thought or whatever we should not feel like we are stupid because there is somebody in this world who is worse. All you need to do is focus on one thing and bring it up as a conversation so everybody who never looked into that can learn. I learned that it's easier to learn something better when you teach it to people.

[rainwater]

Thanks for commenting I can really relate to thinking of my partner always look after his needs and feelings telling myself I will be fine then fly off the handle or get resentful about my needs not met or something like that. I often wonder is it better to have husband who has bp like myself or that he doesnt. I always attract very intelligent type and think they love me for my looks mainly. I hate feeling so stupid and then beating myself up over it.

Thanks,

Rainwater

[lokipooh]

I have the same problem I attract intelligent men because of my looks. I haven't really been with someone off of just conversation or personality. Thats probably my biggest problem. I do like having someone to challenge me in conversation but not dominate it.