Need Advice Seriously... Caution

I've been seeing this guy for 2 years.. When we meet he wowed me sweeper me off my feet for the first few months and then we feel in love.. It was then that he told me a week before his wedding that he was engaged and was getting married soon.. And that he sorry and doesn't want anything to change I didn't know how this could be possible becuase he spent so much time with me I mean all day and all night and still does he is rarely he.. So he got married and the day he came back came and begged me not to leave him saying that he didn't want to do it but he had no choice blah blah.. I feel crazy that I said yes and now I feel trapped Ive been with him longer than he been married and it's crazy to me that I'm still here it's unhealthy.. The crazy part is how I dealt with it so long.. I get all his time even now my friends think he leaves here.. I've met his friends and hung out with them and went out of town with them and these were ppl who were in his freaking wedding idk .. The girl he with he been with her a long time.. But he says they have nothing in common and it's more so for show and fake I'm like WTF .. Seriously and he says he unhappy.. I attempted to leave numerous times and he has an emotional freaking break down then I stay.. It's so conflicting idk what to do.. Because the one or two days he isn't here even thoug i know when I wake up he will be or when he gets off work he comes straight here.. It sucks and I'm over it and I want to leave I don't know why I have stayed so king maybe because I'm young and naive idk.. Maybe ge does care but he not going to leave her and I know that no matter what he says.. But I can't take it anymore my health and stress is suffering because of this crap.. I have been in several domestic violent relationships and he is the first guy I meet after overcoming so many obstacles that pushes me towards being succesful and becuase of it I accomplished a lot of my goals But now I feel like I need to leave this alone it's not going anywhere so why keep limiting myself

Hi Alyssa - Perhaps you stay because you know he's safe. By saying he's safe, I mean that you don't have to make any committment to him. He's already "taken" so you can basically have your cake and eat it too. You're "playing house" with a married man, but you don't have to put in any work like you do in a marriage. Or perhaps you think you can't do better than him, which you KNOW isn't true but your mind tells you otherwise.

This is definitely not healthy -- but think about this --- HE IS USING YOU. I hope you don't think he "loves" you because he doesn't. If he did, he wouldn't have married that other girl. Sure, he tells you he does, but he HAS to in order to get his "fringe benefits." He doesn't know what love IS. You're being used, and unless you want to continue being used, get out of this sick relationship and look for someone who deserves you.

There is someone out there for you -- someone who will NOT take you for granted, who will NOT use you, will NOT cheat. Let this bozo go. He's not worth your time. You deserve a new start in life - you've wasted enough time. God bless and best of luck. Hugs, Lee

Honestly you hit the nail on the head with that statement I was in abusive controlling relationships and this one is less controlling and I feel safe.. But my sanity is suffering because of it and it's extreme guilt and episodes of depression that I go through.. I'm like a totally different person.. But I have heard this several times that he is using me he is.. I know this.. I don't know how to address it.. I'm really tires of all of it.. I'm over the crap.. Every time I try leave he makes a huge scence or breaks down emotionally and I'm over it.. The things I have done for him amounts more than anything he could ever do for me.. And it's like I know I'm being uses and it's making me literally sick kissing weight always stressed on edge.. Looking for an exscape.. I'm conteplating just moving away soon that's the best thing.. Playing house isn't cool and I never allowed myself to be second to anyone