[wi_fighter]

but also a little nervous.

I had my first therapy session last week and the first "assignment" was boundary setting with my ex.

The first thing I did was say that I would drive to his house to pick up the kid's things at 1:00 on Friday (instead of waiting all day for him to call and then tell me he'll be here within the hour with their things, and then wait around for an extra 30 minutes because he's rarely here when he says). It backfired a bit because he was in the shower when I called and I told my son to have this things in the front seat of the truck so we could just drive over and get everything after school. He forgot to tell his dad. Still, I drove over there promptly at 1:00 and got everything.

Secondly, my daughter has her first meeting with a psychiatrist this week. My ex said that he would pick her up from school and take her and I didn't need to come (hmmmm, sounds like a repeat of the neuropsych visit where I "didn't need to be there" when I really should have been). This is my week with the kids and my daughter wants me to drive her there, not her dad. I e-mailed him saying that, per her request, I will be driving her there, and that I also want to hear from the doctor, herself, her recommendations to avoid any confusion. I didn't say anything about the previous appointment where I was told not to be there. I kept this a separate thing.

My stomach was in knots when I hit the "send" button, but it was something I had to do. I even said no reply was requested. He can't insist that I not be there, and I'm going to show up with or without his approval, so he doesn't need to take time to write a reply, and I don't have to wonder what he's going to say and when he's going to send it.

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

let's go out for dinner and dancing!

[kimmydawn]

wow (((((((((((((((wi)))))))))))))))))

can you say EMPOWERMENT! i think you can!

be safe,

[wi_fighter]

Pat, sounds good to me. How about a rib joint and then some smoky blues bar?

KD, not to the point of empowerment yet. More like the feeling of getting a shot when you really don't want to, but you know it's for your own good. :shudder:

[kimmydawn]

wi,

i think each goal we achieve (no matter how small) is a form of empowerment...at least it is for me. when i feel no control, small achievements help me to feel empowered. that's not to say that i feel in total control of everthing...lol. i don't think that's possible. however, it helps me to feel empowered in steps.

i hope the same for you.

that'll do.......i have some old levis that i can get into now. can i wear those?

[wi_fighter]

I'd feel empowered if I did it in person or on the phone, even though I've been told that the best way of communicating with this person is through e-mail. Right now I'll settle for being pleased. Normally I would have put it off till the last minute so he wouldn't have a chance to say anything even if he wanted to, or not say anything and let him call the shots and fume about it forever afterwards.

[bebop]

I think you did a great job!! woo hooo

[wi_fighter]

Thanks bebop.

Pat, old Levi's are the only way to go.

and a dylan tee.

[h0kie]

Way to go!

[darkeyes]

Good for you, excellent!! You have every right to be with your daughter when she has her appt. with the pdoc. I agree with you, it is best you get to hear what she suggests, etc. not even to have your husband interfer with this matter. I admire you and give you credit for doing this.
I am sending you heartfelt wishes for all good to come of this.
Sincerely,
DE


(((((((((((((( wi_fighter )))))))))))))))))

[jmo531]

You did great

[Parker10]

Absolutely fantastic !!!! Pat yourself on the back for me please. That T you saw has started you on the path to being more confident among other things. Just taking the steps you have taken are a great beginning. I am so proud of you ! Keep on keepin on !!!!!

[wi_fighter]

(((((((((((((((((((Erin, DE, Jen, and Parker)))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for the congrats.

So far no e-mail reply. Now I just have to actually make it through Thursday, sitting in a waiting room with him for an hour. Yuck.

We won't have the usual Friday switcheroo this week because it's Homecoming and the kids are staying in town. Now to come up with a Saturday morning plan. Guess the easiest would be to take my son to bowling with his bags and have the ex meet us there.

I missed this post!

Shirley! I am so impressed with your choices!

You go girlfriend!

[seeker1950]

WI, I'm impressed too! You did good!
Seeker "Patty"

[darkeyes]

Me too! me too! Sounds like you are doing a great thing, too bad you have to see him for awhile, but hang in there, force yourself to distract, a magazine,phone call, whatever, ha!ha! The kids are the only importance. . . well so are you

Love and good wishes to you,
DE

[wi_fighter]

(((((((((((((Pet, Patty, and DE))))))))))) Thanks

I think I even averted a prickly situation by saying I was driving my daughter to her appointment instead of him. My ex talked to my son last night and said he wouldn't be there because he has a conference that starts 1/2 an hour before her appointment. Had I not said I was taking her, he would have hit me with that little surprise and asked me at the last minute to take her, putting a wrench in my work schedule.

By being assertive, I knew a week ahead of time that I would have to rearrange my work hours, not just 12 hours ahead of time. They'd have still had to be rearranged, but in a slightly different manner, or not at all because he was pulling the "you really don't have to be there" maneuver again. (Like I'm going to fall for that one again. Pfffft).

He knows I hate last minute changes regarding work, but because I have a very flexible schedule he really takes advantage of it and says the same thing every time - "that's not a problem, is it?" When it's something important like this, what am I going to say? "No, find someone else to take your kid to the doctor." ? I think not.

So, anyway, I'm feeling even better about my decision. Now, I just hope my therapist calls back soon with an appointment time so I can tell him the good news.

[darkeyes]

Happy to hear things worked out for you.
You are doing a great job with this, again I want to say, I send you good wishes for strength, I admire your assertivness too!

((((((((((((((( wi ))))))))))))

DE

[wisewoman]

YEAH

[wi_fighter]

I'd say it went well. The counselor asked me to sit in, and she let me read the novel that my ex wrote about his thoughts on the subject. Of course everything we said in session is confidential and he can't find out any of it.

[wi_fighter]

In reading the intake forms that he filled out, he wrote that the kids don't know where they'll be living because of this custody fight and that it's probably going to last into next spring. The GAL said her decision would be reached within 90 days, and it's already been about six weeks, so where he is getting another 6 months? Unless he plans on declining the GAL's recommendation and taking it to trial.

But he also said that the reason my daughter calls me to come get her is because he makes her do homework and chores. He doesn't think it has anything to do with bullying, belittling, telling her she's not welcome there.

He also said she doesn't do her homework at my house. What, he's got surveillance cameras in my house now? If he did, he'd be lying about homework because she works on it every night for hours; she has a bad habit of not turning it in.

And chalk up one more counselor using "controlling" to describe him, and this was with two people giving an accounting of him, and her reading his own words, not just me talking. But according to him, we're the ones with a problem. We just need to see thing his way because he knows what's best.

[Parker10]

Sounds like a very smart counselor ! Got him figured out without even meeting him ! LOL !!!! I hope your daughter liked the counselor, and she will benefit. We already KNOW she doesnt do homework at his house - or even if she does - she still does not turn it in, the same as with at your house. Now to find out why she chooses to not turn it in ! Best wishes to her, and PATS on the back to you for handling this wonderfully !!!!!!!!!

[darkeyes]

Sounds like he is a piece of work, controlling to the max, it is good that you and he are parting, it sounds living with that would be like eternal hell. I'm glad for your sake,sanity, and safety. It may all be hard at first but leaving him, and as time passes you'll probably feel like a brand nw woman.
Warm wishes for you of peace and healing.

((((((((((((( wi ))))))))))))))


DE