[bmarie]

I've been holding a torch for a guy I knew for about 2 years, we've been on an off. We talk and he's been able to move on with his life and I haven't really moved on with mine. I think about him nearly everyday. Try to stay busy during the day but when alone my thoughts drift to him. I still care for him but it's almost like an obsession and even though the last time he told me he just wanted to sleep with me again I am still unable to detach.

How does one get over an obsession? I know it's not good for me and I know others get upset over the fact i get upset when i see him with other women and they see me hurt and get angry with both me and him. Which i know is stupid.

I know this behavior impairs my life- it's obsessional thinking that i try to stop but never fully succeed and when i don't I'm either very sad or angry.

Help?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello bmarie,

Welcome to pc. I believe it would be best for you to find a therapist and work through this with them. There are many people who find themselves unable to move on from their ex partners and I honestly feel it takes time when there is an obsession. It is something that needs time and support so a therapist is important.

Best of luck with this and please keep posting so that we can support you

[bmarie]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Hello bmarie,

Welcome to pc. I believe it would be best for you to find a therapist and work through this with them. There are many people who find themselves unable to move on from their ex partners and I honestly feel it takes time when there is an obsession. It is something that needs time and support so a therapist is important.

Best of luck with this and please keep posting so that we can support you

Thank you- i have taken your advice and have an appt with a therapist I was seeing earlier in the year. I think it's kind of a downward spiral when depressed and lacking certain meds that it goes from depression about current stress in life to thinking about the past- wantng to fix it and then being even more miserable. I got my lithium again (money issues prevented me from getting it) so hopefully in about 2 weeks things will return to being balanced. It is work that never ends to manage this but I gotta do what i gotta do.

[hoping4best]

I can relate to what u said about a downward spiral. It happens with me too. When something bad happens,i start thinking about all the wrongs of the past and doesnt do me any good. Its such a mess.

[thepft]

I think in this situation, as i see it he does not want a serious relationship with you..That's the main thing here to realize.You do..So already there's a permanent problem that will not solve itself.My advise is to not call him,not accept any of his calls.Continue to tell yourself THAT IT'S OVER. tell yourself that many times a day.most of all no matter what,do not communicate with him.I know this sounds sad right now but for you in the long run it is the BEST thing.it is really the only way to stop the obsession. If you have to tell him to stop calling once and for all then do it..It may not seem like it right now but you will in the future detach yourself from him and meet someone who you can be with happily..The main problem with obsesions is the want need to communicate and it's much worse in this situation where he is also just inviting sex.Stay away.

take care...

[bgdvk85]

hello,
I just want to say that I was/am the person who dwells still on stuff that most of the people consider sort of painful part of their life. Of course, it is not worthed to do it, and I still do it to some degree. Let's say my examples of obsessive behavior is to check all possible source of information for this particular guy. Before, I used to accept the things on a personal level where I felt hurt and wanted to express this kind of unfairness of the life i made myself. Then, I slowly realized, that time was passing by with every relationship I had, and I dwelled on it until the point I saw no hope in saving memories that were just part of my past. I know people live their life differently, but I tried to erase past memories, some of them are done for good, some of them are still there. I think it should be normal to have your own life and be glad of it and am completely fine. I just wanted to say that I am still struggling with one particular sort of weakness and this is really to break the habit of the life i learned to live. Before I was indeed, a bit confused, or hurted,or feeling emotional in a good or bad way. Now ,because of obsessive thoughts and not willing to stop thinking about past I realize that time is the only precious thing you can use and at this particular moment only. Then, my words versus my actions come into place, and sometimes I do all the stuff I believe and want to do, and at the end I might still find myself feeling with lower self-confidence. I read self-help books , but the only last thing for now that I have to stop is to just reinvent my actions for life. I live my life fully still, but with one exception i do have to change more.
If you are keep checking on the person of interest, believe it or not youjust might learn more, but then what, for some people it might resolve where they can be together,for some people it is not happening, and you lose time you could use for yourself, same as the other person did. There are so many things I want to share, and I hope this is the start. I was pretty vague but I will learn to be a more specific for the topic i want to write,too.
Please, be glad of your life, I live mine fine and I do have to change, because a couple of the qualities i have now are of no help..

[pyratechic]

I can emphathize with you here. It is now over 3 years since your post and I hope to G-d that you have gotten over your obsession. I was with a man for 5 years. I broke up with him b/c he wouldn't committ and I was becoming someone I didn't like. However, it is now 5 years later and I still think of him every day. I am now married and have a son and still every single day I pray to forget him. I have been in and out of therapy for years, still to no avail. I just wish I never met him b/c it hurts so much. I hate being me and I hate feeling weak and why am I like this. I really hope that by now you have, unlike me, gotten control of your feelings and I am sure you are now STRONG and happy!!!