i don't know if this is in the right place, sorry :S

i'm confused about sexuality. basically i've always thought i was bi-sexual - i always went with boys at first because if i'd said i preferred girls at boarding school i would've been lynched. but in order to ever do anything beyond a kiss with a guy í had always to be absolutely smashed drunk and virtually beyond consciousness. even then it wasn't ever easy. the very thought of it actaully makes me feel ill. i ended with my ex due to this, the thought of having to go to bed with him was making me throw up and cry every night.

the thing is, i know i find girls more attractive to look at - but the thought of doing anything with them makes me feel quite unwell too (not to quite the same extent maybe) - again, i could easily kiss one, but nothing else. if i got absolutely drunk i probably could but i'd feel terrible during and after.

if the thought or worse, deed, of any sex makes me feel utterly sick, does it mean i'm just not a sexually motivated person, or does it mean i just have a hang up? i think maybe the latter because i definitely get "urges" but i hate acting on them. a therapist once said that i must have some really major issue deep down to feel this bad, but i can't think of anything that might have caused it.

i have issues with any kind of physicality too - i won't even let my parents get too close without bracing myself. with one or two friends i'm ok (although this is only through perseverance), but on the whole i hate it.

this whole issue has got worse for me while being away - it's got to the point now where if i see any man being in any way at all even remotely physical and/or masculine i start feeling sick, getting upset and i have to talk myself out of it - like on the trains (in russia) there were men in vests (to sleep in) and if i saw them i'd run away and hide in my cabin feeling annoyed, workmen in streets have the same effect, or men being overly affectionate with girlfriends. *shudder* oddly enough women don't have the same effect. it's very odd.

i think it may have hit a point where i should do something about it, in terms of seeing my old therapist - she knows this was a vague issue and said there was probably quite a big root if it was bad enough that thinking about sex made me ill but that if it was suppressed it was best to leave it - but i think if just seeing a bloke walk down the street is making me feel bad that's a new level. that said, if i can't remember anything that might make me feel like this, is it worth digging? i just don't know. i reckon i could avoid sex for the rest of my life, maybe, but i think the issue may be a bit more than that. can anyone advise?

thanks x

Hiya, I think that you should talk to your t, obviously something is about to made clear to you because maybe its the right time for you to deal with whatever is haunting you so much!!

All the very best of luck and love

dogtanian, i think it's definitely time to get back into t and get to the root of this. you deserve to be able to think about, and enjoy, the sex that you might want some day.

i urge you to get back into t. there's something to talk about there, i think.

be safe and let us know.

kd

thanks guys, i think you are right. the other issue around this is to do with the t: i used to have a fantastic t, who was cbt, but really didn't deal with suicidal behaviour so he referred me to a colleague who was equally fantastic. she also dealt with sexual issues so when this problem first became an issue, i saw her about it. since then, i had a friend who was in trouble (possible borderline) and needed talk therapy asap, so i put her in touch with the second t. i've since cut off contact with this friend (long story, but i know i did the right thing) - i assume she's still under this t - would it be a conflict of interests if i went to the same t as her? even if it was about something unrelated?

a friend being a conflict with t? i wouldn't think so UNLESS the t felt uncomfortable with it. if she did, then she might decline seeing the both of you. otherwise, i don't see conflict being an issue.

it wouldn't hurt to ask

gl and let us know!

kd

Just my opinion. I don't think it would be a conflict of interest. You and the therapist certainly wouldn't be talking about the friend. It would be as though she didn't exist. Good luck.

A agree with Kimmy i do not see it being a conflict.

thanks guys, i hope so, i'll give the t a call and at least ask her, it can't hurt. and if she does see it as a conflict, i'm sure she can refer me to a colleague.

thank you!

Good for you - let us know how it goes.

hi, i'm seeing my old t about this tomorrow - wish me luck folks

i had a good chat with the old t - she is going to see me more regularly - she thinks this whole thing is to do with my inner rage (which is very apparent when i'm ill) and my view of authority and my sense of self etc. all complex, but made a lot of sense