[Snowleopard56]

Am new here and I honestly am not posting this as my problem but more as a Thought pondering issue we all face at one time or another in relationships.

I think it's just very possible that I sense certain things while listening to others and their problems in relationships and I just feel that this matter should be explored more deeply then what it has been.

So, the question as is : Should one's past be used against them ?

I say, NO !

What do you think ? Do you think that there is any possible reason why another would use one's past against someone ?

[isadora]

Hello welcome to PC im isadora. I agree with you i say NO.. Who is that person to jugde that person because of its past. Everyone makes mistakes nobody is perfect.

[yellowted]

it depends on what their past entailed, some things could be classed as mistakes and therefore should not be used, but somethings like long term abuse of another (long term being more than one incidence) or multiple acts of criminal damage, drink driving....etc., is no longer a mistake and i for one would not wish to get close to someone who abused another in their past! I also believe that any criminal or abusive behaviour which happened in a persons past should be considered and mentioned and lumped in with any new reasons for being up before a judge/jury! too many people have a string of convictions leaving a trail of devestated lives only for them to be dismissed as evidence of a perpertrators continual wrongs. not sure it makes sense what i wrote but the message is that every criminal act you have done should stay with you, the more you do the worse the punishment should be.

[Skully]

No, I don't think so either....but in a way it does matter. When you meet and get to know someone there could be "red flags" from their past that may come through in the current relationship. I try not to hold things against others but if I find out something like a protection of abuse had been filed against them (called a PFA in pennsylvania basically a restraining order) then that is a major "red flag". I think I would end the relationship over that.

So I guess what I am trying to say is it all depends on what it is that is in their past. I think it will be different for each person and you have to take it on a case by case basis. But in general, I don't hold a persons past against them.

[Perna]

I don't know what you mean by "used". I think everyone takes all they know about another person into consideration when dealing with that person? If a person lied or acted poorly in the past toward me or I witnessed them doing it to someone else, I'm going to be wary of that person until they show me with concrete behavior that they have a different mindset (words alone won't do).

If you are talking about a simple argument where someone brings up non-threatening behavior from the past and uses it as a permanent issue ("You're a slob, ten years ago you once left a wet towel on the bathroom floor!") then, no.

[dysfunctioned]

No absolutely not. Everyone is on there on journey. What they do today will be different tomorrow. We cant judge how and why someone changes to reflect their, now, being. I know that I dont do things as I once did. I wouldnt want to be judged for what I was. When I know I have worked hard at changing myself to better reflect me.

[Leed]

As long as the person has tried to rectify the situation, and tried to make amends for any hurts that he may have caused, then NO his past should NOT be held against him. But this country has always been known for it's bigotry and holding "grudges" against people I think many many people just get a "kick" out of spreading rumors and past misdeeds about others.

This is never going to stop as long as there are human beings. It seems to have been "bred" into us. It's a MORAL sin - and parents should tell theirs kids when they're very young that it's not a nice thing to do. Trouble is, parents love to do it. Sheesh.

Good topic, though. Thanks. Lee

[boodles]

The experiences of a person's life are a cumulative part of who that person is. If my assessment of these experiences is unfavorable, then it is what it is and I wouldn't want to continue a relationship with that person. I wouldn't give a random "pardon" for a pattern of behavior. Nor would I randomly condemn a specific bad behavior (except for violence which, for me, is not acceptable and, personally, I would choose not to have a relationship with that person). I assess the totality of the person's past and decide whether this is compatible with my values. But certain red flags carry a heavy weight when I consider someone's experiences.

[salukigirl]

You should be able to see past all the b.s. that comes along with a relationship. I'm sorry but some people do not learn from the past. If a guy cheated on his wife with you and then leaves you for another woman.....heck yes that's something from the past that should be used!

But I don't go out and get wasted all the time anymore like I did when i was 17 and don't expect stupid things I did forever ago to have anything to do with my relationship. But yeah....certain things SHOULD be. Because you don't act like a total jerk off then turn over a new leaf in one day.

You should know when to let the past go and when to view it as a warning.

[Umbral_Seraph]

It really does depend on what the person has done but the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior...

[Snowleopard56]

Originally Posted by isadora

Hello welcome to PC im isadora. I agree with you i say NO.. Who is that person to jugde that person because of its past. Everyone makes mistakes nobody is perfect.

isadora, Guess what ? Your the first one that answered this topic and I get to say that am PROUD of you ! Why, am I proud of you ?

Am PROUD of isadora, ,because she wasn't afraid of expressing herself and by the virtue of her answer, she has strong beliefs and morals. She wasn't afraid of being singled out and she stood her ground in her convictions within her heart. Am very PROUD of her.

[Snowleopard56]

Originally Posted by yellowted

it depends on what their past entailed, some things could be classed as mistakes and therefore should not be used, but somethings like long term abuse of another (long term being more than one incidence) or multiple acts of criminal damage, drink driving....etc., is no longer a mistake and i for one would not wish to get close to someone who abused another in their past! I also believe that any criminal or abusive behaviour which happened in a persons past should be considered and mentioned and lumped in with any new reasons for being up before a judge/jury! too many people have a string of convictions leaving a trail of devestated lives only for them to be dismissed as evidence of a perpertrators continual wrongs. not sure it makes sense what i wrote but the message is that every criminal act you have done should stay with you, the more you do the worse the punishment should be.

@ yellowted, Don't feel left out as you read my response to isadora, my friend.
Am PROUD of you for viewing the topic and reviewing the 1st response and then formulating your response.

As a matter of fact, AM PROUD OF YOU ALL !

Am proud of every single individual who comments on this topic because it shows you as being a HUMAN BEING !

HUMAN BEING ? OMG, Did you forget what you are ?

If you weren't a HUMAN BEING, then you wouldn't be here, now would you !

A PERSON or ANIMAL, wouldn't show compassion for others nor himself ( not unless there's some special intervening aspect ).

Shall we continue this discussion and let others bring in their own take on this matter ? I say BRING IT ON !

[youOme]

I think one should wisely consider ones past when there is a potential relationship in the making. Especially about past relationships. There has to be a non judgemental approach when seeking answers about some ones past. Personally I believe its to mostly protect yourself, or in my case my kids. There is a lot of scary people out in the world now, theres nothing wrong with being informed and at least prepared for possible repeats in whatever behavior. Gotta watch your back.

[isadora]

Your very welcome yes i stand on what i believe no person should be treated different from others no matter what color race nothing we are all human beings and we all have made mistakes in the pest but we learn from our mistakes and we become better person..