[XxPrObLeMxcHiLdxX]

It started with a joke and now it's a whole big mess. He wants to be FWB {Friends With Benefits}. He doesn't want a relationship and I'm completely fine with that. Though I've been hurt by guys before, being rushed into things I'm not okay with or ready for {I was sexually assaulted by an ex}. Like we don't really talk at school, but like out of school we've been spending a ton of time together. I've met his mom, been to his house a couple times and eaten dinner with him and his mom. And I've asked him before like I just thought I was some hook up, but he said that if I was just a look up he wouldn't have introduced me to his mom and if he wanted to date he would have probably already asked me out. I can tell him close to anything. And he told me a lot of very personal things.

We talked about what would happen if this became something and he just simply said "Ques sera sera" {Translates to "What happens happens"}

Were friends but like what am I supposed to do...

[salukigirl]

Sounds like you guys really care about each other. And it sounds like he may be using this FWB "joke" as a way to enter a relationship. If you are not comfortable with being in a relationship, I would stay away. I have tried FWB before when I was being completely serious. They thought it meant otherwise (even though I spelled it out that I didn't want a relationship) and eventually I had to break it off because they wanted more. And then it would also ruin the friendship because they would inevitably be hurt.

So I will throw that warning out there. It's very hard (especially for women) to have sex without it turning emotional. To me it sounds like, to him, this would not be strictly for sex. And it sounds like it really wouldn't be strictly for sex for you either.

I would have a very blunt conversation with him and get everything out there. Hopefully he will be completely honest (as I hope you are too) and things can get figured out. It sounds like you guys would be good together if you can tell him anything already?

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by XxPrObLeMxcHiLdxX

It started with a joke and now it's a whole big mess. He wants to be FWB {Friends With Benefits}. He doesn't want a relationship and I'm completely fine with that. Though I've been hurt by guys before, being rushed into things I'm not okay with or ready for {I was sexually assaulted by an ex}. Like we don't really talk at school, but like out of school we've been spending a ton of time together. I've met his mom, been to his house a couple times and eaten dinner with him and his mom. And I've asked him before like I just thought I was some hook up, but he said that if I was just a look up he wouldn't have introduced me to his mom and if he wanted to date he would have probably already asked me out. I can tell him close to anything. And he told me a lot of very personal things.

We talked about what would happen if this became something and he just simply said "Ques sera sera" {Translates to "What happens happens"}

Were friends but like what am I supposed to do...

I want to clarify what you are actually posting. You are survivor of sexual assault and are now going to have or are having a sexual relationship with someone who refuses to actually date you? For what it is worth, I believe those two things are connected (survivors of sexual assault often think they are not worthy of a decent respectful loving mutual relationship out in the open) and I want you to know you are worthy. I would also like to share with you that you can make it a personal choice not to be sexual with someone who does not want "something" (your choice of words to mean a loving, dating relationship that might lead to a future together?) with you. I believe sex is important; so important that it should not be entered into lightly and because it sounds like you are so young that you are still in school, I would urge you to discuss this with your mother or perhaps the school nurse if you feel more comfortable.

[ladyjrnlist]

If you are concerned, you should probably discuss this with him. Don't hold back. It's importan to get it all out on the table. Then see what happens. If you are not comfortable, don't do what makes you feel like that.

[Leed]

"Friends" with benefits, huh? Boy, he wants his cake and eat it too. This guy is a first class JERK. He doesn't care for you! He just wants SEX. I would BET that the minute you turn him down, he's OUTTA THERE. I'd wager money on it.

He just had to draw you into his web -- he'd introduce you to his Mom so he could make you "think" that this would go somewhere. Boy is he a cool customer. This guy is dangerous.

If you're still in school, you should know all the dangers of having sex. What if you become pregnant?? Condoms aren't foolproof. Thousands of girls have become pregnant because of condoms. If you aren't ready to be a Mother, you aren't ready to have sex. And I don't think you're ready. You're much too young to be a mother and take care of a baby all by yourself. You can't expect your mother to take care of it and support it!!!

Drop this dude. He isn't the one for you. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[XxPrObLeMxcHiLdxX]

I talked to him about it a while ago. Things were going well. Then things got more serious and it triggered the memory i had of what happened. He felt really guilty and held me and just let me cry, comforting me of course. I have talked to him since what happened, and hasn't tried anything since. He drives me to and from school, makes sure I'm okay and what not. Since we started talking, I feel happier I can sleep better, Im not have any 'Bad' thoughts.

He says he cares and I know he does, its not even a hook anymore its like a realtionship but without a title. It's nice to know someone cares. Even our friend's joke about us {I always said I would never date a guy from my town}.

[mistyeyed]

Originally Posted by XxPrObLeMxcHiLdxX

It started with a joke and now it's a whole big mess. He wants to be FWB {Friends With Benefits}. He doesn't want a relationship and I'm completely fine with that. Though I've been hurt by guys before, being rushed into things I'm not okay with or ready for {I was sexually assaulted by an ex}. Like we don't really talk at school, but like out of school we've been spending a ton of time together. I've met his mom, been to his house a couple times and eaten dinner with him and his mom. And I've asked him before like I just thought I was some hook up, but he said that if I was just a look up he wouldn't have introduced me to his mom and if he wanted to date he would have probably already asked me out. I can tell him close to anything. And he told me a lot of very personal things.

We talked about what would happen if this became something and he just simply said "Ques sera sera" {Translates to "What happens happens"}

Were friends but like what am I supposed to do...

Beee careful! please! If he hasn't given you a particular reason as to why he hasn't asked you out and committed this can go on for a verrry very long time and it truly does feel worse and worse after the novelty wears off..believe me I just came out of a 3 year "FWB" situation and it mostly feels nothing short of degrading after a while.. and the sneaky relationship without a title..i've heard that one too it really is just a euphimism..AND the introduction to mom and immediate family of course. That'll get you everytime. I guaruntee you'll be completely fine..until you're not..and he draws up the contract rules. I know how bitter that sounds and believe me as I'm reading over what i typed i hear it too lol..but i've watched alot of friends go through this as well and it always seems empowering and easy because it seems like the norm now ..and it isn't! it just..sucks.

[Soul Quake]

He's biding his time until someone 'better' comes along.

[salukigirl]

I think these comments are pretty harsh. I think after what has happened to you, you probably have a pretty good gut feeling about people. And if yours is telling you he really does care, then trust it. Guys who are just looking to get some do not drive you to and from class, ask how you are doing etc...

And remember, not everything needs a title. In fact, titles can mess things up a lot. I think it took over a month before my boyfriend and I had 'the talk'. Just go with the flow. Don't try to rush or pressure anything right now. You need to focus on your own happiness and dealing with the stresses from your past. If he helps you along that then that's awesome.

[Perna]

I think you just keep doing what you've been doing? Relationships of any kind don't have agendas or lists of things to accomplish. Sounds like you are pretty much in tune with what you want so just keep moving toward that. If he wants something from you you don't want to give, you say "no". If you want something from him he doesn't want to give, he says "no".

I think he sounds as if he is a caring person and as though he enjoys time spent with you.I do think however that a healthy relationship is mutually supportive...and that the two persons involved must be somewhat 'together' in order for a relationship to have strength.In other words...a relationship built on repairing another person can become old really fast.One needs to be 'in the throes of' pursuing healing for themselves.Be healthy enough emotionally to know that another person doesn't 'complete them'. Relationships need to contain many aspects to be full.This sounds a bit like a caretaker type thing.As far as 'friends with benefits' do consider what'd happen if one or both of you changed your perspective on that ...type of relationship.Both would end up frustrated.As far as que sera sera.....that isn't necessarily a bad thing...it is definantly leaving itself open to assumption of what that means.One could draw a ton of speculation from what HE means by that.I think you should go inside yourself and ask what you would really like this to be because in the end...those somewhat repressed ponderings will climb out and confront you.Whatever happens....just use your head and consider what you are feeling...and where its going.

[XxPrObLeMxcHiLdxX]

After talking and arguing over confusing and confliting feelings I finally told him how i see it and was able to get my point across. I realize that he's not ready yet and either and I, till our lives are back on tract and he can work on his more personal problems, it isn't anything.
I've found another ride to school, I've become closer with my friends and I gave him back his jacket.
Thanks for keeping me grounded everyone, even though today sucked and i havn't gotten much sleep lately, I know things are gonna get better. Thanks for all the support