[surferrosa]

Hi everybody.. I just joined this site today.. Hoping it will help...

I have been living with the same man for 8years (on and off) The same man who use to tell me that I was the ugliest girlfriend he ever had.. The same guy who use to make rude, degrating comments about me sexually. The same guy who never looks at me and who touches me as little as possible. I use to think I was pretty, I use to enjoy getting fixed up everyday, now I have a difficult time getting in the shower.. Even if I do put on make up I don't see anything pretty about me anymore.. I have gained 20lbs, I'm need dental work but have no insurance, I avoid going anywhere because I feel that everyone is looking at me because I am so unattractive... I sit at home everyday and cry.. I feel like I am going to die... I know that as soon as my workers comp runs out he is going to leave me... I am scared that I will be homeless soon... I just dont know what to do to get out of this funk. Although he doesn't talk to me that way anymore, I can't get over his hurtful words.. I have no where to run. Bill collecters calling me everday, can't find a job because I don't have enough confidence in myself to even look.. I just want to die..

Hello, surferrosa. Life can be so hard at times. Is professional help an option for you?

[CedarS]

You can keep talking with us, tell us what is going on and get feedback, read what others are going through and maybe offer suggestions. It all helps.

You have been abused and are understandably suffering. You deserve good compassionate help. Find out what professional help is available in your area and get yourself in to see someone.

http://www.thehotline.org/ You can talk to folks at the national domestic violence hotline. Remember - domestic violence doesn't necessarily have to include being physically battered.

http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-ab...eing-abused-2/

You can survive and ultimately thrive. Many of us here are living testimony to this fact.

[Leed]

Dearheart, why did you let this man do this to you?? You ARE a very pretty girl ~ you knew that before -- why don't you believe that NOW?? You haven't changed outwardly. You allowed him to change you inwardly. He took away your POWER -- you GAVE it to him. Now you have to TAKE it BACK!! And you CAN do this! You had your power before ~ you need it now. Tomorrow you WILL get yourself made up and leave the house with your head held HIGH. Do whatever errands you need to do -- if you don't have any errands - then just take a short walk. But your head MUST be held HIGH. You will no longer allow anyone to abuse you - EVER. If HE says anything abusive to you, you will challenge him. What right does he have to call you ugly? You KNOW you aren't ugly!!! He's ACTING ugly.

From now on, you have the power to keep abuse from hurting you. You just won't allow it. And you will call someone to talk to -- a therapist if possible. Perhaps your County Mental Health has one on staff that sees you on the basis of ability to pay. In the meantime, know that you are as good as anyone else, as pretty (or prettier) than anyone else and you won't put up with any abuse ever again. You don't HAVE to. God bless & take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

[surferrosa]

Wow! Thank you everyone for your kind words. I need to start dealing with things in stead of running from them.. I have to look deep inside and find the woman I use to be.. The woman who held her head high and knew who she was.. Thanks again everone..

[youOme]

I can relate, it's hard letting go of something that was very painful. My boyfriend called me fat a couple times, told me I was ugly once...out of anger and ever since I've felt unattractive too. I can understand being in a financial spot too. But this dudeyor with soundlike hes ringigyou dwn een more.

[Perna]

Turn around what he said; if you're the ugliest girlfriend he's ever had, then he must have had a whole lot of luck he didn't deserve, getting all those gorgeous girlfriends!

You notice and care about your teeth more than anyone else does; TRY to notice other people's teeth when they're talking; one can only see parts of a front few and not very well? You would have noticed your teeth were "that" bad before you met him but you thought you were pretty so they can't look that bad to others or you would have seen it yourself! It's like when we think about a certain color or make of car and then see it all over the place? He mentioned your teeth and now you are super aware of your teeth.

What he says is his opinion and how he says what he says shows his character! I don't care for either!

[marjan]

Hello my dear....and welcome to PC.....

I'm pretty sure you are so beautiful....Every single person has his/her own beauty....We are all unique and that uniqueness is our beauty....
I believe you should take couple of deep breathe and stand tall on your feet and tell yourself "YOU CAN DO IT"....then take one day at a time and little by little build up and clean up the mess....find a job if even as low pay as minimum wage....just get out....force yourself....

And about you guy....what shall I say? Just my question is if you are ugly in his eyes then why he's there.....I think he tries to ruin your self esteem, that's all....and it looks like he did it....

My ex-husband used to tell me that he wants his kids to look after him because he's more beautiful than me....arggg....well....I didn't give him any kids then....hehehe.....Once I spent around $200 for highlights and all he said was "you look like a lion!".....OMG....now that I think back, I feel crazy.....Of course, I was believing him at that time and I gained weight and not taking care of myself.....but now that I'm out of that relationship, I feel so beautiful, I shred those extra weight and I do take care of myself....and for him....he still looking for away to get back to me....loser!

All I'm saying it's all up to you yourself what to do with your life....try it....and take baby steps.....don't jump!

take care
Marjan