[MissingMyOldSelf]

So I've made a friend through an internet site. We initially started talking because both of us wanted nothing more than an email buddy while we both were at work. After all, I'm still married.... but just finding the financial means to actually go through the divorce. He is married, with a 16 month old daughter, and another on the way that was unplanned. Turns out, the wifey decided that since her friends and family were pregnant, she should get pregnant too.

So, he and I met up the other day. He works with the public in the health field, and is as sweet as could be. I was nervous, he was nervous, and he was even more self conscious because of his hearing aids. He said he was afraid to tell me about them because he didn't want me to run away.

After three meetings with him, I feel, not love, but deep concern and care. We email and text all evening, and my heart aches when I find out that his wife is so demeaning to him. She doesn't want him touching her now that she's pregnant. She makes fun of his hearing aids. She doesn't treat him with the respect that a man like him deserves: who works two jobs, and comes home and takes care of his daughter and the house, pays bills, takes care of the house, all while she sits on her butt watching Game Show Networks.

He called me so angry in tears yesterday and said that he has had it with the wife. He was at work for 10 hours yesterday, and came home to his daughter crying. She'd been in a soiled diaper that was WELL past time to change, and he changed her, and she just clung on to him for dear life. The wife said that the little girl's diaper smell was too much for her "pregnant smells" to handle, so she couldn't change her. So, that little girl was just sitting in her own waste because mommy wouldn't/couldn't change her, and wouldn't call anyone for help or anything.

I'm very good at reading people, and he wouldn't have called me at work last night in angry tears to tell me that if he was lying about the whole thing. I believe everything he's telling me.

Why are my emotions running so hard for this guy? I've talked to him for just over a week, and I feel so connected to him. His texts and emails make me smile. Seeing him just makes me feel like a teenager on a first date.... ugh.

Damn me and my emotions.

[Elana05]

Missing...

I'm afraid I don't have any wise words of advice now, except to say that I'm here and listening...

My heart goes out to you... and I am sending you supportive thoughts.

[MissingMyOldSelf]

Thank you Elana. I'm totally confused right now as to what I should do.

For myself, I should get out of my emotionally draining marriage. The husband hasn't had a job in over 2 1/2 years. Won't look for a job unless I nag him to look.... and I just can't keep doing this.

I just feel like I'm disappointing his family. They love me, and they know I'm frustrated, but I don't think they know I'm on the verge of divorce. I'm just not loving him like he needs because I'm so frustrated.

I've begged and pleaded for counseling, but he doesn't want to go. Flat out refuses. Also, it's probably a good thing, since we couldn't afford it anyways.

Maybe it's my emotions running wild, thinking "oh wow... someone else who's unhappy in their marriage, too! We have something in common!!" I..... I really don't know.

I hate this. I hate being torn over my husband, whom I'm not even sure I love anymore, and a guy I've spoken to for a week.

[sundog]

(((((((((MMOS))))))))))) I'm sorry that things are so complicated and that you're going through this emotional turmoil. I can see how intense mutual feelings could develop quickly between you and your friend in this situation. I can also understand how confusing this must feel.

I'm really sorry that your husband is not open to the idea of marriage counseling. Are you seeing an individual counselor? You have so much on your plate and so many strong feelings going on. I hope there is some way for you to talk some of this through with a therapist.

Hugs to you ((((((((((((MMOS))))))))))))

[LookingforCalm]

Well, my only advice is to be very careful. If you guys are both married, this could end badly. While my heart goes out to both of you during these trying times, I can't help but wonder what the "new" guy's true motives could be.

I'm sorry - I'm divorced and cynical. I don't always believe what a guy tells me about his ex-wife or whatever - because I can't help but think that there are two sides to the story. I've been lied to, but I can't prove it.

Just be careful. I feel like you're going to get your heart broken by this man who tries to please his wife. I think he will continue to try and please the wife.

It's tough to be married sometimes, and everyone has their ebbs and flows with marriage. The good times are good, and the bad times really suck. And when they suck, sometimes it's hard to think about any good times at all.

Please - be careful. For your sake. I know you're getting a hard-luck story, but you and he both are married. Be friends, be there for him, but be careful.