Does your situation prevent you from start a serious relationship?

Thanks TheMisunderstoodOne, yes ur advice is very helpful. Yes being real is very important. I just worry that Im too real to the point of just being really blunt and my bf doesn`t like that. Since my bf acts really selfish in a nice way it makes things hard for me. If he was mean it would make my decision so much easier. So i tend to feel guilty for no good reason. Anyway, I might just write a few notes on what i want to say so i can stay on track. Plus he will also being coming off his meds by doctor`s orders because the doc has been saying he has mild sz since day 1, I have also vented about that in other posts for the last few months. And Breaking up will be very important for me if he goes back to his state before he started treatment or even worst. I have no idea why a doc would take someone off meds with sz of any severity. On his meds he`s been able to attend school and work at his job and be social a little being able to do those things are so important to help his over all personal growth. And the fact he`s not afraid of people is a big deal for him that allows him to function in a very efficient productive manner. The way I see it the meds are for all of us who love him: me and his family we love being able to see him succeed. But only temporary medication for a few years was the plan when he first started treatment and i knew but i never did research about sz had no clue what the scientific definition of it was back then because i thought him and his doc could take care of it fine without me. I feel so dumb for approaching it like that and not researching. so yeah either way if i stay or go there might be problems and im worried.

Hmmm... I mean, its good 2 care for somebody else. Cuttin off a relationship is hard for most ppl. I understand that u dont wanna hurt his feelings, and I know u dont wanna cause problems. But a negative overreacton might be inevitable. U have to look out 4 urself 2. Try to prepare and anticipate the possible outcomes of wut might happen when that time comes. Its a good idea 2 be polite when u do so, but the hardest part is when u actually deliver the news to him. Then, u will get that off ur chest and release thAt burden. After that, its a matter of overcoming that feeling of wut seems like guilt, and finally moving on with ur life. He may be hurt in the process, but he also will have 2 except it. U dont have 2 blame urself, it seems like u tried everything in ur power 2 make it work. But staying in a relationship no love,communication, or understanding will only harm urself even further, u feel me? U must look deep within yourself and find the courage to follow through with ur plans. I wish u luck!

Hi TheMisunderstoodOne, thanks! Check this out, so I finally came up with a non-confrontational, polite, pleasant way to confront my bf and see where we are at and what he thinks without coming at him all hard with criticism and a break up and I kind of want to get him to break up with me anyway. Can you tell me your opinions of the statement below, is it OK and is there any room for him to get paranoid and delusional about why I want to break up?

Here is what I want to say to him:

"I know you have a lot of things to do such as work and school and you've been so tired and stressed these days, so we don't get to talk and communicate as much as we would like. I know you love and care about me but are you able to continue this relationship with me? Please be honest even if the answer is no. We will just go away in peace like you wanted."

This will put the ball in his court, make him aware of some of his short comings and all in a nice way without me getting angry and rehashing everything that didn't work out, which at this point I think is irrelevant.

He'll either come clean and admit he doesn't want to be with me anymore and that will be that or he will say no everything is fine and keep dragging the relationship on.

If he does do the latter, I will just tell him in a nice way that I feel he is not able to keep up with our relationship because of his different priorities and I think we should go our separate ways.

He has told me long ago that he wanted to have a nice and caring break up and I always wanted to just tell him like it is. But it might be OK if I don't get all my frustration out for the last time, after all it won't make a bit of difference for me in the long run. It won't fix my broken heart or make things right.

I probably won't be able to say it with a straight tone without getting choked up or totally crying. Which is not good when you are breaking up. But well, what happens happens.

@ SakuraLi What u wrote down for the breakup sounds sincere and reasonable. It seems like u still got some kind of feelings toward him. But if ur really serious about breaking up with him, then you will have to follow thru. The anticipation is stressin u out, but ull feel better when u get that off ur chest. Like I said before, prepare 4 a possible negative overreaction. Even if u cant keep ur composure while lettin himself know whats up, It will b real and from the heart. I hope it works out 4 the both of u!

Thanks again, TheMisunderstoodOne. I sent the email message with my break up question as I mentioned above, to my bf. i chickened out about calling him and saying it. I definately still have feelings for him and i love him. I just wanted him to know how I felt and telling him with a clear purpose I feel I might get results if he sees he could lose me. or the other result would be for him to dump me which im ok with too. just i need something to give. either way i just hope things get solved. and im trying to be courageous but its hard. oh well thats life. whatever is meant to b will happen. anyways thanks for listening. how are you doing with the concerns that u had earlier in this thread? and how is school going?

@ SakuraLi No problem! Well I went 2 college when I was 20 and stayed there 4 about 10 months b4 they F***** me over on a money issue. Im 27 now, and even though I feel like my situation does prevent me from getting a woman In my life right now, I havent given up yet. The odds are against me, but that wont stop me from doing what I gotta do. Im the type to look out for a woman, and contribute to a 50/50 relationship. Certain things are holding me back, which I am workin to improve. It is very time consuming and takes patience. There was a point when I first moved here, there were many women that were intrested in me. However, as time passed, false rumors, misconceptions, my inability to give those women the reacton that they were lookin 4, and other forms of ignorance and bs made many women think negatively against me. These days, few women actually say positive things, but (and I hate the word but) I wont get myself in a relationship if I cant please and do my part to establish and maintain one...

Hi TheMisunderstoodOne, I'm sorry those things happened to you. Have you looked into online school? Most community colleges and universities these day allow people to get full degrees online. That could be better for you.

Did you also mention before that you came to America for college? If so, depending on what state your in they have scholarships and financial aid for immigrants and international students.

Anyway, keep hope alive, never lose hope! Take care

in a word, yes.

@ SakuraLi I was born in NYC and raised in CT. I moved 2 FL when I was 12, and returned to CT @ 13. After that, I moved up amd down the east coast until I settled down in FL when I was 20. I started workin a week after I moved here and started college courses about 2 months after that. The reason that I cannot go back 2 school is because I am in debt from the loans, but Im in the process of fighting that. I actually have a question for you. I dont mean to be nosey, but did you get your name from a video game series called street fighter? It made me curious because there are two female characters. One named Sakura, and the other named Chun LI.

TheMisunderstoodOne thanks for explaining. And New york is cool! About my screen name. its not influenced by the street fighter video game. I study a bit in my spare time and like learning about japanese and chinese cultures. sakura means cherry blossom in japanese and those are some of my favorite little flowers and and Li was just a random nod to chinese culture. anyway, about the school loans. Im sorry u have so much trouble. i have them too! but i do not have private loans so that makes them less cut throat but in general if u have federal loans u have some protection but not a lot. they have forbearance for illnesses and low income/no job and various payment options depending on income. but if they r private then they can totally be ruthless. based on which ever type you have u can have options but in either case students are fully liable for paying back the entire about unless u cancel them in enough time. i hope this helps

Wish I had one.Doesn't help I don't bother to make eye contact or speak.

@ violetmoons I know what u mean. In my case, I make eye contact, but a lack of a smile, and the misinterpretation of my body language makes me look coldhearted and unintrested. (which Im not) Ignorance, stigma, and false negative rumors make it even worse...

Wish I could offer a hug.Contact me if you want to talk.Others think the same of me.So hard to say much when worrying for others thoughts.Stigma...so much like predjudice.

It didn't used to, but now I don't feel very attached to the people I have relationships with. I have a boyfriend now, and he loves me to death and I do as well, but I can't maintain those feelings when he's not here. It makes me "wander off" (he doesn't know this), and I hate it. I wish I didn't have those urges anymore, and I wish that I could have a healthy romantic relationship again. Hopefully, that will come true someday.

@ violetmoons no doubt Ill keep that in mind! And, yeah stigma is pretty much prejudice and discrimination (mentalism)

@ benderover Hmmm at least 2 me wandering off seems normal unless it is done excessively. If It is what I think it is, then its only bad if that feeling of temptation makes you really want to do something youll regret later. If it really bothers u 2 much, you should be open about it 2 ur bf. It seems like u have strong feelings toward him. Thats a good sign. Everybody has fantasies, so dont feel guilty if you have those urges. If you feel like telling him about this, and have fears of having relationship problems, then maybe you should talk to a therapist or somebody u trust. I am In no way judging u, its just what I thinking from my perspective... I hope this helps.