Breakup.

I'm writing this in the spare bedroom - well, it was my studio until last night. My girlfriend and I broke up.

I'm a mess. I won't even tell you what I want to do to myself.

It's awkward, we live in the same flat. What the hell do I do? I can't afford to live here alone so of course it is expected that I am the one to leave. I have nowhere to go. There is no room at mum's, no room at my brother's, no room with any of my very few friends.

I can't stay here, it's too weird. SHe's in the next room, what was OUR bedroom. What's worse, she's treating everything like it's just another day.

I don't know where to go, what to do. I'm broke, I'm disabled, I'm in pain and I am going through severe depression. I don't feel safe. I don't feel I can ring the emergency line when she's in the next room. I don't want her hearing me break down.

I just want to dissappear right now.

I'm so sorry hun.

I care and I hope things get better for you soon.

Sweetheart - Make that emergency call. It doesn't matter if she's in the next room. What matters is that you need to talk to someone. Please take care of yourself.

(((Amoslass)))

Is there an apartment you could afford? A small one?

(((Amoslass)))
I agree, make that call. It doesn't matter what she hears or doesn't hear, what is important is YOU. Take care of you now, that's the first priority.

I am sorry things look so hopeless. I know you say there is no room at your mum's and brother's, not even for a short while? To let you look for something else? Or maybe there are some community services that could help you?

Sigh..well, I called the crisis line and just couldn't connect with the woman on the other end. She sounded like a sweet old granny and I found myself trying to soften the whole story.
I also called the housing commission people (I'm on the list for community housing) but a place isn't available yet. I'm not an emergency case either, apparently. They do have a rent assistance scheme though so they are posting out the forms. YAy more forms.

I wish I could have the guts to scream down the phone "well if you don't help I might just take matters into my own hands then? How'd you like that on your conscience huh?"
But I am cursed with the family trait of be polite and don't make a fuss.

I feel like I'm drowning.

And my ex...why the hell am I living in the same place as my ex? It's weird and wrong! But she's acting as if everything is normal. I said to her she better find someone else to take with her to this convention thing this weekend and she said "Oh, you don't wanna go?" like we were best buds or something. No, I DON'T want to go with someone who just broke up with me, you idiot!!!! (wish I'd said that.)

hang in there. its good you're setting boundaries and not going to the convention with her. Maybe that space will help you a bit. I'm sorry you're in this situation.

That's odd!

Can you rent a room? I can not imagine how fresh the heartbreak must be and you're coping pretty well to actually be able to stand living there.

Mm...I don't have much choice but to put up with it. I have a whopping $121 in my account to last me another 9 days. I try to distract myself by being out of the house as much as possible. Nights are hard because we are both here. I am drinking wine right now trying to get away from myself...and her.
I can't se why I am not taken more seriously but authorities, I fel like an emergency case, why aren't I treated as such? I never ask for anything. I let people walk all over me because it's easier. I hate this.

Don't drink wine. Don't let people walk all over you. The crisis line is a +++++. Posting here is a ++++++. I would honestly rather join a convent for free housing, than be stuck living in that situation. Stay strong!

ha! I saw a nun the other day and seriously considered converting....housing, company, contentness........pfssst.

Don't worry, I rarely drink like that. I told her this morning I'm staying at mum's tonight and she looks puzzled. Um....I really don't think she is getting this whole we have BROKEN UP thing. I am now not an instant flat mate! She is driving me insane with this casual thing. Why isn't she suffering like I am?

Hi Amoslass,
You're doin it tough girl! My sweet little sister had this exact circumstance not long ago. She had to hide in her room, in her own house, while the ex partner chose to not understand why she didn't want to go out for coffee!!!
Proud that you made the call... I had to make the call once. The dude I spoke to sounded a lot older, a lot more basic, and had a formulaic manner of speaking. Still I figured that he was a volunteer and wasn't doing it for fun so he must have had a caring spirit. Just making the call helped me feel that I still had some control, some resources to at least try the next thing.

I know what you mean about help in this country.. it exists but is so full up dealing with those fully addicted to support that there is no spare capacity.

Being in the same house has got to be hurting. I guess that even if you could afford an apartment... the need is now!

Have you considered breaking the "family trait of politeness" and just reaching out to family and friends? Maybe you will find that the "trait" is just a habit and that your people would love to be needed? Even a week or two will blunt the sharpness of the pain.

Hey amoslass how's it going?

She is not suffering because... you're still there! For her, it's like you're not even broken up yet.

Have you told her you feel this way? In plain simple english, as straightforward as possible? It may seem like common sense but she doesn't seem to see it that way. If you have trouble saying it to her you could write it out first as a letter or something. Take care I hope things will work out for you

At the risk of being cynical... the answer is shallow!!!!
" Someone elses shoes may fit you but just try to take them off"
Narcissistic cruelty,may possibly be lack of awareness. Some people just do not have the capacity to imagine the impact, on others, of their choices

Hey Amosglass,
Don't do the Nun thing. I was schooled by Nuns..and later priests and Brothers. With an occasional exception, these were the most bitter, unhappy, disengaged people I have ever met! lol

Many relationships end up like you are experiencing......the other person doesn't get it because the other person hasn't expressed themselves in plain & clear......or the other person never felt that the relationship was what you felt it was in the first place.

It's obvious that your ex doesn't consider that the relationship was anything more than what it is right now or she wouldn't be figuring that that there is nothing going on. All relationships go through their rough spots......they only succeed if the people work through the problems....not walk away from them or avoid them.

Maybe it's something you both need to sit down & talk about....you might actually be able to resolve the problem that's bothering you rather than trying to hide away from it or calling it quits before even trying to resolve anything. All relationships take work to make them work out....same sex relationships aren't any different.

How many times have I heard in marriages that the husband just doesn't get what I'm mad about......duh, they don't just get it because you are feeling it....sometimes things have to be spelled out & worked through........only then can any relationship work

Yes but.... have you seen the studio rental rates lately? In my city, the days where people in their twenties or even thirties could live alone are long gone...

Btw apropos of nothing really, but when I was in college, these Hare Krishnas would come to campus one day a week and give out yummy indian food (but you had to listen to a lecture on animal rights to eat it). The line was always like 300 people long! When you're starving enough, any religion starts to look good!

Aaaaanyway..... hope you're doing alright today amoslass.. best wishes to you..

How are you doing?

I agree that you should sit down and make everything clear to your ex. She's simply not getting it and you shouldn't have to hide away in a corner because of that.

You could also check craig's list to see if there are people looking for roommates. Perhaps you could interview a couple of them and maybe move in with one of them. Or, if you're in school, the housing people might have a list of people looking for roommates off campus.

Try to take care of yourself, be safe.

I've been through this with a male. It was scary as hell. I was distraught but stopped crying and had 2 get out 1 day. I ended up homeless in the hospital. The government helped me get out on my own. A Blessing in disguise.

No idea where you live, but try to see if there is a Phoenix Place in your area.

Take all your belongings to your family - have them store it in the garage, it won't kill them to park on the street for a while.

Pack up clothing & necessities and see how long they will allow you to stay at Phoenix Place until you find a new place to live.

Phoenix Place is a FREE place to keep you safe from yourself during a crisis, and they also keep some people in residential care.

Don't tell them you have nowhere to live, they'll think you're just trying to get free housing. Tell them you're in a deep depression and having thoughts of harming yourself.