Single Dad with a question

The other night my son went to a hockey game with a friend and I was going to pick him up when they got home. So i went to my girlfriends house for dinner. Into the evening we decided to be intimate. Before we did I wanted to text my son to see when he would be home so I knew how much time i had. Before I could send the text I recieved one from my son's friend's dad saying they were running a little behind and would call me when they were close to home. So i said ok. I told my girlfriend I would be in the bed waiting if she wanted to join me. She came in and went into the bathroom first. I realized i had left my phone in the living room so I went in got it and put it next to the bed. She came out and asked if I had got my phone. I said yes so I could hear it when it went off so I could either hear the text or answer it if the parents called. Well she got pissed at me and said I didn't need my phone near me I could hear it in the living room, and that she wanted an intimate moment with me without my phone being in the room. As a parent I felt more comfortable having my phone near me incase the parent's called, I wouldn't want to miss the call especially since they had my son and I would have to pick him up. She said so you would answer the phone in the middle of being intimate? I explained I have a responsibility and couldn't miss the call. Well it turned into a big fight about how she wanted a moment with just me, but as a parent I do have a responsibility. Am I wrong in having the phone near me? Was I wrong in general?

On a side note we have been together for over a year and I only have my son 2 to 3 days a week and every other weekend, so we do have time alone.

Im kind of surprised she'd take this so harshly if you two have been together for over a year. While I firmly believe it is important to have uninterrupted alone time with your mate, when kids are involved it can be a bit more tricky. I could understand her frustrations if you constantly had the phone by your side and did nothing but answer in the middle of intimate moments. But if you only monitor your son 2 - 3 days a week and get the crucial alone time with your girl, I'd think she could be a little more understanding...

I think if you get with someone who has kids you kind of have to understand that its not all play time. So I don't really think you were wrong to keep the phone by your side.

Really, I'd have just compromised. Hah. Have some intimacy and fun but nothing so major that it would be a massive killer if the call interrupted the moment. Since you could save that for times when you know you won't have to split.

I understand her point about answering it in the middle of the moment, I doubt I really would answer it. But I just wanted to be able to hear it when it went off so i knew i had to leave soon. Just for my own piece of mind.

I have to agree with Okami ~ I'm a mother and if it was me, I'd certainly have the phone near me! If my partner didn't like it, well that's just too bad!! My kids come first - sorry.

I don't know what the big deal was ~ it's not like you won't ever have time again, and when you have kids you have to expect interruptions. Perhaps she DOESN'T have kids and doesn't understand - i don't know. But if she's going to hang around you, she'd better get used to it. Kids come first.

Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

Then thats certainly legal and I think you have every right. Like Leed said... When you get right down to it. Kids do come first. Thats for sure.

Best of luck.

She does not have any kids, I know she tries to understand but I tell her you really can't until you have kids of your own. It changes your entire life and how you do things. I guess I really can't expect her to understand though. That's one of the biggest troubles with being a single parent and dating. I know that people think they can understand and really do give an effort but unless you have your own kids it would really be tough to completely feel what single parents do. Trying to mesh together two different lives, my personal, and parental isn't easy. Balancing my life can be very tough sometimes. To add to it my son's mother really contributes nothing to his life and just causes more problems. It would be great if I could just snap my fingers and fix it all. I guess i really wish that sometimes people would see how tough it can be on me at times and stop worrying about how it affects them.

Does she have any kids? If not, she won't understand you at all.....
I don't have kids and I was in a relationship with a guy with three kids....oh boy....I could not understand it at all....I was forcing myself to be nice and understandable....but I wanted him all to myself....
Well...I ended up leaving him, because I thought his kids are more important than me and I don't have to interfere with his parental life....
I was the one who couldn't understand and I left....of course, it was a drama but I'm glad I did that....
I think your girlfriend doesn't have any rights to tell you where to put your cellphone....and I think she's just sensitive about the situation....that's all...
Be firm with her and tell her that your kid is important to you....

Single dad....let this be a glimpse into the looking glass of a year from now......~W~

I think you're right and she was wrong. You were being a responsible dad and she could have let it go, not to mention how it ruined the moment.

I can understand both sides. I don't know it just is hard to be a parent and a boyfriend at the same time. I really try and I understand how she feels, but I feel there has to be a way to create a balance.

Marjan,

If you left because you wanted him all to yourself and couldn't understand, am I to think if my girlfriend cannot grasp the parental concept that we too are doomed? I ask because you have been there.

Hello. I have been there too. My bf of 7 years has 2 kids. It was hard. We went through a lot.

I left him but not because he was a parent or had kids. I knew his situation from the start. I loved him and respected the fact he was a good dad. Having said that - he would never answer the phone when we were just us intimate. There were times when his kids came first and times when i came first.

From what u r saying i think there is a deeper issue. She feels insecure. The phone is a representation of your other life.

The fact that u say she wont understand is agrivating. Maybe you should not be so arrogant... Maybe she understands but feels insecure and threatened... Talk to her. Show her u care. Because from your post you clearly do.

I see why you want the phone, but I see a little more that your girlfriend wants some private time with you where your focus is on HER, and not your son.

If it's an emergency, they'll call more than once to try and get ahold of you. If it's not an emergency, you don't need to pick up the phone in the middle of making love to your mate. I have to admit I would be extremely upset with my husband if he answered a non-emergency phone call in the middle of sex.

But we do have a 5 year old daughter in the next room, and if she ever wakes up at night.....yeah, all activities cease and we go take care of her.

So I guess I see both sides.

Then again I've only had sex twice in the past 18 months.....so what the heck do I know.

i think you were clearly in the right to do what you did. you were being a responsible parent. kudos to you. since you and gf have considerable time together vs. your time with son, i am shocked by her behavior..it seems very selfish and self centered. isn't this a sign of the future with her?

Madisgram...Good Posting!Children come first!....If we know they are safe at home...under the supervision of a responsible adult...we can continue on with the moment...if there is any chance that the child really may need its parent...all bets are off for the moment.May you never compromise your fatherly heart for any woman.But,I do have issues where mum always put her men b4 me ...so I am prejudiced.I wouldn't think twice of whether or not to make my boys an important life priority,before my husband if the situation is warranted...neither should you.(all you did was be prepared ,should the child need you) .If she's already that self absorbed...what'll it be like in another year?My 2 cents ~W~

I don't believe I am being arrogant, I was just stating for someone without children it is hard to comprehend exactly how we feel. However, I do appreciate the insight on how the phone represents my other life. Perhaps I need to be more focused on blending my 2 lives (parental, and personal) so she would feel icluded and a part of both.

I can understand your point. I really don't think I would have it in me to pick up the phone though. I could see how focus elsewhere could kill a mood, and perhaps it is a deeper lying issue and the phone was just a trigger.