[Ft1980]

I hvae been holding things in my heart for most of my life, but what has been going on for the past 11 years can't be uncounted. I hvae tried psychiatry and have found that I cannot open up to them because of the basic trust issues I have faced.

So please let me have it and I will share witht he world my personal experiences with my psychotic disorders.

[(JD)]

Hi. What issues do you have that are "psychotic" ? I didn't see any on your profile.

Therapy can take longer for those who have trust issues. Sometimes the money or insurance runs out before you get to where you are doing any real "work" on the other issues. No one can just walk into a therapist's office (well, you know maybe someone can) and bare their soul with full trust. I don't think anyone "should"... gasp! Did I say should?

Try talk therapy and take your time. Your T will have to prove himself/herself worthy of your secrets and fears and all that stuff, before they can truly help you.

[Ft1980]

It basically started when I was about five years old when I was at home with my sister and we had been kissing when we shouldn't have been and then I felt, guilty about it and wanted to punish myself. Well this carried on all through my childhood and up to high school even so the pressure was there.

Then I had drug issues in high school and that kind of opened my doorway to new and possible ways of getting the pressures out of my system which I did.

[jenkins09]

How are you doing? how old was your sister? we all have our ways of coping with traumatic events, dont beat yourself up.

[Mike_J]

Therapy with the wrong therapist often does more harm than good.

Therapy with the right therapist can change your world.

And jsut becasue a therapist is good, and has helped others, doesn't mean that they are right for you.

And jenkins09 is right don't beat yourelf up over something that happend when you were five years old, I think there is a lot more going on, and the RIGHT therapist will be able to help you.

And posting here helps as well, it has helped me, it has helped others, I am willing to bet, it can help you too

Ft1980, get referred to a psychiatrist for an evaluation and any appropriate treatment. Eleven years is a long time. Be open and forthright, Ft1980. Give the therapist the information he/she needs to help you find a better life.

[Ft1980]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Ft1980, get referred to a psychiatrist for an evaluation and any appropriate treatment. Eleven years is a long time. Be open and forthright, Ft1980. Give the therapist the information he/she needs to help you find a better life.

I already have a good life, but there is always a cloud above it that seems to shrink it till there isn't anything left at all.

Oh, so you already have a good life that you cannot open up about because of trust issues?

[StarTrekker]

A good friend here once told me to say this to myself everyday and often- "I am a good person, and I deserve to be happy." It works. Try it!

[Ft1980]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Oh, so you already have a good life that you cannot open up about because of trust issues?

It wasn't always this way. I was seeing a psychiatrist for over 6 years and everytime I felt at a loss after each session. He made me feel like he wanted me to open up so he "could" betray client server confidecne. This issue made me move onto my own methodism with handling my capabilities to resolve my own internal conflicts. I am here today because if I saw my sych online at least he couldn't reverberate my confidence directly allowing me to retaliate much more effectively. lol

[Ft1980]

Just to renew this thread caUSE I still believe I need help, does anyone have anything at all to tell me more about my situation?

I am an active person inside, but inactive towards what I crave in life. I try to always be the best I can and everyday is either I step forward towards that or falling behind. I know life comes in pairs and I still want more than what I have. I want to share with you guys as you would with me, and maybe stay longer than just for a single moment.

[marjan]

you can write to us more about your past.....like how old were your sister? and was it just kiss or other stuff? how is your relationship with her now? why do you feel bad? you were just a kid....
how is your life now? you said you have a good life, do you have kids?
You are not alone in this kind of situations....I had a guy friend who told me when he was a kid, he had a friend over for night and he started kissing stuff....then this has carried on for him and my friend was doing those to his own little brother.....now they were grown up and have kids....but he was having that guilt feelings on his shoulder.....they were close family and he was seeing his brother and his family....
Unfortunately, some stuff that are happening in your childhood is not reversible and mostly it's not even your fault....you were a kid....how should you know that.....
Probably, the best way is just luck that bad memory into a small box and leave it there....not try to dig into it....nothing good will come out from it anyway....
take care
Marjan

[Yoda]

Have you tried writing in a journal? That sometimes helps me to reflect on my feelings.

What do you want to talk about, Ft1980?

[Ft1980]

Originally Posted by marjan

you can write to us more about your past.....like how old were your sister? and was it just kiss or other stuff? how is your relationship with her now? why do you feel bad? you were just a kid....
how is your life now? you said you have a good life, do you have kids?
You are not alone in this kind of situations....I had a guy friend who told me when he was a kid, he had a friend over for night and he started kissing stuff....then this has carried on for him and my friend was doing those to his own little brother.....now they were grown up and have kids....but he was having that guilt feelings on his shoulder.....they were close family and he was seeing his brother and his family....
Unfortunately, some stuff that are happening in your childhood is not reversible and mostly it's not even your fault....you were a kid....how should you know that.....
Probably, the best way is just luck that bad memory into a small box and leave it there....not try to dig into it....nothing good will come out from it anyway....
take care
Marjan

Thanks, I will.

[Ft1980]

Originally Posted by Yoda

Have you tried writing in a journal? That sometimes helps me to reflect on my feelings.

I do keep notes if that's the same, but mostly for song lyrics!

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

What do you want to talk about, Ft1980?

I feel like getting into a deep discussion about the effects repitition has on ambient social arclights?

Or the ways that unspoken friends can undermine your irrelivant and forgotten untruths.

[sugahorse1]

ft1980 - feel free to bring up any issues you wish to discuss and that you feel comfortable with. Many of us appear to just ramble on, but it's this talking and being able to open up, even if just on a forum, that has really helped me - and i'm sure many others too. And don't stress that you may sound confusing to others. Just let it all out and we'll do our best to offer advice and insight.

Ft1980, that works for me if it helps you open up.

[Ft1980]

hello. I'm back. This time last year I had been expelled from a vastly great forum. Now it's just getting me down. I have tried writing emails to their reps or whoever they are and they have not once responded. I admit that the reason for being expelled was because I attempted to harrass another useless member and they were never nice to me, but because they took their side is why it's getting me down so much. Although I posted some pretty nasty stuff it was a point I was trying to get their attention that they were not being there when they say that they would.