 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
May 24, 2011, 11:27 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Things have been going better between me and my husband. My ten month old son on the other hand is having a really rough time. He has numerous seizures even on the preventative medication. This is very stressful for not only him but also me and my husband. Plus, I recently found out that I am four months pregnant and that most likely this baby will also have seizures. My husband and I still have a slightly more tense relationship when the other two kids come to visit. Not that I don't love them like I do our son, I do the problem is that no matter what we do the mother try's to cause problems and I see this as a personal attack on me. The reason I take it that way is because she didn't have a problem with me being around them until after I got pregnant with out son and he was born. Then all the sudden her attitude changed and now that I'm pregnant again her reasons for causing problems have went to the extent that she even finds fault with my husband when he plays with the kids or when he stands them in a corner. "If we make them eat the food we made that they decided they didn't want for dinner were wrong." "If we tell them that if they don't want it then they don't have to eat it then were supposedly starving them." No matter what we do it's wrong. My husband says its in my head and it's not a personal attack but that's how I see it and that's the way she acts when she's around or talks to me. I don't have much experience in communicating with people because I have always stuck to myself. Everything just has me so stressed out and my emotions are going crazy.
|
|
#2
May 25, 2011, 01:38 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
People don't come with an "owner's manual" with a section on illnesses in the back. It's not your fault your son has seisures. My sister has a seisure disorder and so I can relate a bit the situation. You see, my sister is stubborn and drives herself when she shouldn't. We get after her though because we care about her.
Now that son of yours, if you didn't disapline him just like any other child, you would have a spoiled child who has seisures which would make the sitaution worse for everyone. I say, disregard anyone who finds fault with your parenting skills. No one but you can know what it's like to raise a child with a seisure disorder.
__________________
NuckingFutz, National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD National Dom Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE  
|
|
#3
May 25, 2011, 02:48 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
It sounds like you may need to use some distancing and boundary skills with respect to the mom of husbands kiddos.
If you haven't looked into these skills before, just PM me and I'll try to point you in the right direction...
__________________
Direction  Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
|
#4
May 25, 2011, 04:34 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
((scooter62487))
Sorry, but I am a little confused. What makes you think that the baby you're pregnant with will also have epilepsy? I am sorry to hear that your 10-month old baby is having seizures. There aren't that many medications approved for children, but there are several. The ketogenic diet is a possibility as your son begins to switch to a completely solid food diet, but that's a good year or two away from now. Have you taken your son to see a pediatric epileptologist? If not, I'd highly recommend that you look into that avenue. They are pediatric neurologists that specialized in the treatment of epilepsy, and therefore have extensive knowledge of available treatments and possible side effects. I have epilepsy myself, so I do have extensive knowledge and sympathy for those also facing this disorder. http://www.epilepsy.com http://www.epilepsyfoundation.com Regarding your husband's ex-wife causing the 2 girls to misbehave, I'd recommend that you sit the girls down after you educate yourselves about epilepsy. You will then be able to answer any Q's and concerns that they have openly. There are a lot of misconconceptions out there about E. This is an opportunity for you to help your son by erasing some of the myths that those in his life believe. Grab a hold of that opportunity and keep moving on. You can do it! Btw, you're welcome to PM me if you'd like to talk or have Q's. Best wishes to you and your growing family!
__________________
"Only in the darkness can you see the stars." - Martin Luther King Jr. "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace." - Author Unkown |
|
#5
May 25, 2011, 10:18 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Yeah, technically it is my fault my son has seizures. You see I have epilepsy also and so does my mom, my brother my sister, my uncle, my cousins ect ect. It is a strong genetic trait on my side but I was hoping that with my husband it would be enough to cancel it out. Apparently not, although there is hope still. Oh, I do discipline my son. That rant was about my step son. My husbands ex wife wont let us play or correct the kids since my husband and I had our son 10 months ago.
Quote:
|
|
#6
May 25, 2011, 10:29 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#7
May 25, 2011, 10:42 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I'm trying to get my son to see a neurologist and his dr has ordered it per the er's request but the referal part of the doctors office isnt doing their job ive been fighting with them to get it done since jan. 2011.
Cause its so genetic in me and my family that any kids i have stand a 95% chance that they will be born with it. My step kids are one boy and one girl and when they saw their brother have a seizure they finally understood why i am so careful what their brother is around. I thought they understood but the next day I caught them pretending they were having seizures because they thought it was fun. So then we had to explain it to them again. I won't give up I'm trying very hard. I just feel exasperated at times and could use advice when it comes to kids. Quote:
|
|
#8
May 26, 2011, 06:11 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
From your first post I kind of get the impression that she has a tendancy to interject her opinion of various things into your life...if you (and more specifically your husband) are not firm about your family's boundaries and assert them they very well may get trampled on...which sounds like it is happening now...who cares that she finds fault with how your husband plays with them or gives them a time out Your words quoted are words I would probably use myself..."I think I am very respectful to her and I don't push anything on her". If you don't push (I would insert the word "assert"), then you will end up feeling trampled. You may want to work with your husband regarding assertiveness. In this case, the boundaries for your family would ideally be developed by both of you but be spoken from your husband to kid's mom.
__________________
Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
|
#9
May 27, 2011, 12:25 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
well we kinda do because she went to the point of reporting that he was hurting the kids and all he did was play with them cause they were feeling bummed out that day and he was trying to help. But it pissed her off. we are trying to create boundaries for our family but it is very hard. Any ideas how to do this? The guy she sent to investigate said he had no concerns and didn't see anything wrong but to not play with them or stand them in corners and be very careful from now on. So that there is no problems.
The reason I deal with her more then my husband is cause she was trying to cause trust problems between me and my husband by telling him one thing and saying something else to me and then trying to play us against each other so we both decided its easier that I deal with her. Quote:
|
|
#10
May 27, 2011, 03:43 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I think you may want to have your husband be the main communicator...he's the one with something in common (the kids) with her...you more removed, so it will be less effective if you continue to communicate with her.
I really didn't follow the mention of an investgator other then to understand there was no child neglect/abuse. If you were reported and it wasn't substantiated it would suggest that kid's mom is a bit toxic for you guys, so think about how you will limit exposure (these are the things that will start forming your boundaries). For example: You and your husband may want to decide to limit all communication to ex to only subjects that involve the kids they have in common...and the only communication/decisions happens first between you and your husband and then through your husband to the ex and vice versa...so if ex asks you to make a decision you can either redirect her to your husband or let her know you will pass on the information (then you and your husband can make a decision and he can get back to her) Does this make sense why I might suggest this?
__________________
Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
|
#11
May 31, 2011, 02:55 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I am sorry to hear that you carry the gene. Are you living somewhat near a university in Florida? Many universities are doing studies on genetic epilepsy (paid studies) ~ check out http://www.mayoclinic.com/epilepsy I know that Mayo's has one going now, in which they pay for transportation, time and stress that may be a factor. My E isn't genetic, but was caused by a high fever for an extended period as a toddler. Otherwise I'd seriously consider joining the study! IMO, helping scientists understand E ~ how it works, what treatment is and isn't helpful under various circumstances is invaluable. It could be a great opportunity in helping the E community, if you're interested and have the time. I just had to throw in my personal opinion there, sorry.  Anyway, I'd advise you to continue to change your step-daughters' attitude towards E. The better they understand it, the less likely they are to make fun of it. For me, it would be very hard not to be hurt by them "pretending seizures". That is not funny. At all! Maybe they need to be more personally involved somehow to gain their support and sympathy. Have you tried contacting the local Epilepsy Foundation? Perhaps someone could go to the nearby schools for a presentation. We (those of us with E) know how many people in this world are impacted by E. So many different types of seizures, varieties of treatments out there.. If we could just remove that stigma.   You are in my thoughts Scooter. Not easy circumstances to find yourself in. Just keep pushing through honey ~ get help from wherever you can get it. Try to be very consistant with childrearing. You may have noticed a bad pattern, but that doesn't mean that it's too late to change. It isn't too late! It may take longer to get past the hurtful pattern, just stick with the healhty changes & it will change.  I'd also recommend that your hub tries to connect more intimately with his daughters about their behavior. He could simply tell them that their teasing is a big NO. It hurts you ~ which hurts him. Plain and simple. Please don't do that anymore. How about spending a little "alone time" together at each visit. That might help relieve the problem...perhaps the girls are feeling that they need more attention ~ and bad behavior does bring attention. Better than no attention at all. Perhaps that's their current perspective?? A few things to think about anyway... best wishes!
__________________
"Only in the darkness can you see the stars." - Martin Luther King Jr. "Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace." - Author Unkown |
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
