Confused!!

I've been hanging out with a friend of mine who I met in class. Ever since meeting him I've been met with a ton of flirting and compliments - so much that friends of mine assume he likes me. I ignore it, deny it, but once it's been suggested it sticks in the back of my head.

Now, honestly, I do not have any type of romantic feelings for this guy, and naturally I obsess and over think a lot about people so I cannot just "let it go". Undeniably I find him attractive but there are certain aspects about my life and his personality that make all possibility quite.. Well not impossible but it's just not something I'm working for at the moment.

Anyways there is consistent flirting, a need to irritate me, and the touch barrier was broken a hundred years ago and now when we hang out it's like 5 minutes cannot go buy without his hand on my arm. He messages me/calls me almost everyday wondering when we're gonna hang out next, he asks me constantly if I like what he's wearing or what he wants to buy or if he looks okay, and he's always making jokes and making me laugh. Repeatedly he's said "Ily ___ (my name)" and before has asked me if I "liked him" though refused to be specific on what terms he meant.

He also has a girlfriend. Or.. I don't know. I seen a girl on his phone and asked him who it was. He said it was his girlfriend then quickly denied it and kept strong to this "fact" that there was no girlfriend. A few days ago, he mentioned a girlfriend again. (what?) I have no idea what's a joke and what's truth.. though I have a feeling that is not a joke.. Though I haven't the slightest idea why the girlfriend needed to be hid at that particular moment, or even if there isn't one, why would it needed to be lied about?

I honestly have no idea what to do! Should I just stay away or at least draw a line and have a "either be honest or knock it off" type attitude? He's a nice guy but at the end of the day it's very confusing.. I don't wanna get all serious on jokes and end up looking like a fool but..

If it's confusing, don't play his game. You need to protect yourself.

I think you need to clearly outline some boundaries and let him know that you enjoy his friendship, but are not looking for a boyfriend ATM. Give him a chance to respond and if he can't respect your boundaries, I think you need to take care of you and limit your contact with him. Friendships are amazing when both people are on the same page, when one views the friendship different than the other, it definitely leads to the confusion you are feeling. Good job at seeking out new friends! No matter how this one turns out, don't let it deter you - there are decent people out there!

I agree with Can't Stop Crying; however, I'm not completely convinced that you are not considering him as a possible boyfriend. It sounds like you might have feelings, but something is holding you back...you say "certain aspects about my life and his personality that make all possibility quite.. Well not impossible but it's just not something I'm working for at the moment."

Well, I'm still getting over a 2 year relationship that consisted of cheating and emotional abuse.. and this guy puts me at risk of getting arrested because he continually practices the "five finger discount" when we're at the mall. Plus this.. lying thing.

I guess that would be enough for me to draw a line...it would actually end any kind of contact...he really isn't "a nice guy" as you described in your original post.

Totally agree. Like fully totally!

I suppose.. But, I don't have a lot of friends.. and I'm not in a position right now where I can meet new people. Basically it's either stick with these people or be lonely and by myself for another 5 or 6 months.

When we talk and hang out in parks or movies it's fine.. which was what I meant. There is just that thing.. There are only three people who I hang out with: The guy who wants to have sex with me, the chick who thinks I'm stupid, and this guy. Technically I should leave all of them.. but then I'd be all by myself..

It's better to have NO friends then to have the wrong friends who can end up getting you into trouble that you don't need. Unfortunately, sometimes the people you hang around can end up keeping the good people away because the good people don't want to have anything to do with those people & they end up associating you with them.

I was an only child & learned to live quite well by myself. I only had one friend throughout school & focused myself on my school work & my musical instrument I was learning.....much better than being around people who aren't good for you.

I don't know.. I feel in a way it's almost unfair. I can modify where we hang out so I cannot get in trouble. But to just leave a person who is your friend, who IS nice to you and treats you like a human being and listens when you have something to say.. I don't know. I've already been pushed into that "bad group" by my own mental illness. Thanks to depression and social anxiety I skipped school.. Lots of school, years of school. I've already been called a loser and bullied and associated with the "bad kids". I know how it feels to have one thing held against you when your personality isn't so horrible.

My therapist is pushing me to hang out with the friends I have because I play a parenting role in my brother's life. She says I need time to be a regular teenager. I fall apart if I can't get away from it. I've had no friends before and all that happened was a lot of isolation at home stuck on the computer. I wouldn't go out, I was always upset and hurting and lonely.. I had no motivation to do ANYTHING. So.. focusing on school which I won't go to.. or taking piano lessons doesn't do much for me.

I think this would be considered a false choice...involves a situation in which only two alternatives are considered, when in fact there are other options. ...

like?

Well I have to agree with elskelover, yes, I do understand that it is important to get out and have friends but these are not really friends you know. And that guy that likes to do that five finger discount, not good at all and a red flag in my opinion.

You should tell your therapist about these people and see what the therapist says.
It is hard to be around the right kind of people sometimes and ofcourse you don't want to be a hermit, but the key is the right kind of people, not ones that will confuse you or may put you down. And the one thing you cant do is change other people.

Keeping that guy with the five finger discount at bay is a good idea. No harm in being curteous but definitely set boundaries.

Open Eyes

I understand.

I can sense though.. a need to be validated (which is why I'm not quick to run away here) when he does this. The last time he did this all through in the store he kept asking if this was something worth buying and if I liked it. I kept saying no because in my honest opinion the object was not even worth a second glance, never mind the price which was extremely expensive for what it was. When we left the store, he asked me again if it was worth it, would I have bought it at a lesser price and other questions like that and I kept saying no. Then after that I found out that oh, he got it free, and I didn't hide how unimpressed I was. After refusing, I got the "if you take it i'll never steal again" thing and still said no.

I can sense an insecurity and that need for me to tell him that I'm okay with it. Or maybe it's all in my head. But I honestly don't care if he wants to go steal things by himself on his own time and build up a criminal record. As long as I'm not going it with him and I don't have to be MORE involved than I already am. I don't feel like changing or saving another person when I cannot do these things for myself.. Basically my mind set is: go play with fire if you want to but don't stick my hand in expecting me to play with you.

Which is why, I will talk to my therapist about this.. and I will move hang out spots to places where items cannot be stolen as potential unwanted gifts. Though.. these "right/good" people.. I don't think they exist at my age to be honest. I know I'm doing a lot of settling but.. loneliness will surely make my life explode.

I'm not sure why you are unable to meet new people...I would look closer at this as an option other than limiting yourself to sticking with people with questionable behavior or being lonely.

I'm not in school atm and my days are usually spent at home babysitting. You don't really meet people when you're locked inside your house.

You seem resistant to the idea of meeting new people...which I can relate to as I am too sometimes...so I guess I won't really push the idea any further...

I'm not.. I just can't meet people It's not that I don't want to, I didn't say anywhere that I didn't want to. But I cannot. I have to watch my brother everyday at home because my Dad refuses to come home when he's supposed to. I'm not in school. We cannot afford clubs or extra activities where I can meet people.

I am literally isolated. Somedays the most outside I get is off the balcony.

Thieves and liars......not the kind of friends I want.

Sorry guys.. This thread is starting to affect me.. emotionally. I'm starting to regret putting this up as, thanks to my own esteem issues, I'm feeling a little bit.. judged/misunderstood? I know it's all in my head but as the topic has changed into something other than what I had intended to be (on my end it's one of those "it sounds bad but you don't know him, and it's not as bad as it really is" things now) I would rather this just be buried and forgotten..