[dolle9]

I tried doing that 'Ask-A-Therapist' thing but it didn't work, this is kind of a looong storyy sooo...

Sorry if this seems all over the place but I don't even know where to begin. I feel like my family is causing so many problems for me, or are just making things worse. I'm the youngest of 3, my brother and my sister have messed up a lot when they're growing up so there's no room for my mistakes. They feel like I should learn from their lives & anything I do that they disapprove of, I get it from everyone. They don't ever listen to me, they never want to talk all they do is yell at me & make fun of me if I'm crying. I've been 'disowned' because of what a f*** up I am. They say I'm the cause of all the problems in the house. Everything started when I started messing up in school. I slacked so much in high school, instead of doing my work and going to class I'd use that time to hang out with my friends because my parents never let me out. I couldn't even go to the mall, they didn't even want me to get a job. My main priority was supposed to be school, & it was the complete opposite. In the end I didn't have enough credits so I didn't graduate. Still haven't but I'm trying! I want to do something with my life especially to prove them wrong. I'm supposed to finish through the mail but I have to do everything through my high school & my counselor is never available, they don't listen to me though. I've tried explaining things with them so that they could help me and instead they answer, "If you're such a smart *** figure things out by yourself". They think I just don't want to do anything but things seem so out of reach. I feel like I'm never going to finish HS or go to college. Then they throw things in my face like all the money they wasted on my school & I'm not even doing anything with my life. So now I just put in my head that I got to get a job so I can start taking care of my own things without them. Problem is the only "work experience" I have is when I would help at my dad's office. I've filled out so many applications & NOBODY hires me. I'm just feeling completely useless. Nothing is going good. All my friends have jobs & go to school & I have absolutely nothing going for me. The only good thing I have is my boyfriend. He's seriously the only thing that keeps me happy. He encourages me to get my stuff together, helps me deal with my family, actually deals with them with me because they blame him for everything. The one good thing I have and my family hates him. That's one of their main problems, they think just because he doesn't live in the nicest neighborhood he's no good when they never even gave him a chance. My mom would call him just to insult him & threaten him because he won't leave me. My whole family hates me because I won't break up with him. I met him my sophmore year, sooo I've been with him about 4 years or more. There's no way I'm going to break up with him especially because he's the only thing that brings me happiness. & these past 2 weeks have been the worst. Every time I come home from being out or something there's this big scene at my house. The other day I went out RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY MOM, she seen me leave, & she told my brother I snuck out. I'm 19 years old, I have no reason to be sneaking out. But still my brother starts yelling at me and starts getting in my face, to avoid a fight or getting hit I go outside. My sister goes after me just to keep yelling in my face. I start walking away from her & she runs inside to tell on me that I'm leaving. I wasn't even going anywhere. My sister's 31 years old & she ran inside like a 5 year old screaming "SHE'S LEAVING!". My brother run's outside grabs me & throws me into the bushes yelling at me to get inside. Then when I'm inside, my brother, 28 years old, starts punching me that I'm disrespecting his family. I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING! I'm trying to avoid things & situations just get bigger than they need to be. I try explaining myself & I'm just a liar & a piece of ****. This always happens. If it's not my brother attacking me it's my mom, or my sister goes in my room & breaks my things cuts up my clothes, & writes ***** on the wall. I swear it feels like it's out of a movie. On top of all this they tell my cousins & other family things about me to make me look like the asshole. [excuse my language] but they leave out the things they do or say to me. I swear no one has ever attacked me or insulted me like my own family. My mom hurt herself when she was trying to hit me so it's my fault & I'm the *** hole as always. WHO TOLD YOU TO ATTACK ME?!?! Then they say I'm a worthless piece of ****, & that I'm a fat *** ***** that isn't going to get anywhere in life. I'm going to end up alone with 5 kids on welfare. That I should cut my self & just get the f*** out already. Telling me that they don't care about me & f*** you & that I'm dead to them & telling me to go to hell & wishing death upon my boyfriend. WHO SAYS THAT? I'm not one to let words get to me but it's hard not to when it's your family. & then it's like, if I'm dead to you why are you doing all this, wasting your breath and energy on a dead person? They wonder why I don't leave my boyfriend, He's all I have. Now I get mad faster. With my family I always had patience. I'm starting to see them like people on the street. I have almost 0 patience. When they yell at me I go nuts now. I scream at them at the top of my lungs to just leave me alone [they then say I'm psycho & need help; & yeah I really do] & when they start hitting me, even my mom, it takes so much SO MUCH to not defend myself. I start to find it hard to breath & it's so hard to hold back. I'm getting serious anger problems from all this. They're pushing it, I feel like I'm just going to explode. I need to remove myself from this situation but I feel like I'm never going to be able to. I've seriously thought about suicide, because it just seems easier. I can't do that though. I want to prove them wrong about everything. Things are just getting real hard right now. I talk to my friends about things but I feel like maybe I'm being dramatic, & I don't want to bother anyone since I seem to bother my whole family. & with all this I feel like I'm a burden on my boyfriend too. He doesn't have to deal with these things but he does for me. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused & just tired of everything.

[missmisty]

If you are 19, please try to find a therapist who can give you some guidance on this problem. Do not even consider suicide. You are too beautiful. If you need help finding a therapist, please post again so we can help you with that. You need someone in your life who can advise you on a weekly basis on how to live life and have life not hurt. Please find a therapist you can work with. Check around for free places or places that are on a sliding scale. But don't try to handle this all alone. You need a good friend and a therapist is a great place to start. Good luck.

[Direction]

Welcome! Glad you could post...there seems to be a lot of heavy turmoil going on in your life. I hope it felt good to release some of that tension by posting.

There are many things in your post that cause me concern. I think the most significant one is the physical abuse you talk about from your brother and mom. It sounds like there is a lot of severe tension going on, also. Is there a relative that is not so closely linked to all this that you could stay with for awhile?

[IceCreamKid]

If it is at all possible for you to leave, please consider doing so. The family situation you describe is not safe for you. If your school counselor is not around, find out how you can make an appointment at a specific time, and tell the counselor what is going on at your house, and explain how important to you it is for you to graduate as soon as possible. You have work experience (working at your father's office is still working), so be proud of your work experience and if you cannot find paid work, do volunteer work (at your local hospital, library, animal shelter, school -- these are places that often welcome volunteers). Your brother, mother and sister threatening you and battering--pushing, slapping, hitting-- you are committing a crime. Take a few moments to find out if there are battered women's shelters in your town and what the rules are for admittance. Just because there is a blood tie does not mean you have to accept abuse.

[dolle9]

wow thank you guys for replying, didn't think people would b.c it's so long !

@missmisty: i want to get a therapist or something b.c i feel like i always go to my friends and they have problems of their own, and i don't like talking to my bf as much about it b.c i know he feels like it's all his fault.

@direction: i have family but they live some what far. & i have my mom & my sister twisting things around so i look like the jerk in the whole situation. i have a friend who's mom offered me a place to stay. i just want to get a job 1st so i won't feel so bad you know ? it really hurt me especially that now my brothers against me too b.c he was the only one on my side now he's telling me to get out now too & won't even speak to me:/

@IceCreamKid she knows my situation she was 'trying' to help at first she just is making things harder though since i have to do all my home schooling finals &sign up for more classes through her. i've sent her emails with my cell number she's just always too busy to call. i have my whole school thing figured out. like all that is planned out. i just need a job 1st right now to save up some money

[blackout88]

I feel your pain. My home life hasn't been much better. It's good to get out tho. Accept your friend's mom's offer because being in a safer and happier environment will help give you more confidence and happiness. And that may be all you need to get yourself a paid job. Make sure you tailor your resume to each job you apply for, so for example: if it's a bookstore including a section about how you love reading and your favourite books. Anything that may make you stand out from the crowd will definitely help.
But it's hard times finding a job (I know, I'm looking again myself), so if something paid doesn't come through, take a volunteer job whilst you're still looking. Any experience on your resume will definitely help you.
And don't give up your boyfriend. If he makes you happy and helps you through then you stick with him. But definitely try to get out sooner rather than later, it could be the biggest step you need to getting your life heading down the path you want it to.

[Direction]

Originally Posted by dolle9

... i have family but they live some what far. & i have my mom & my sister twisting things around so i look like the jerk in the whole situation. i have a friend who's mom offered me a place to stay. i just want to get a job 1st so i won't feel so bad you know ? it really hurt me especially that now my brothers against me too b.c he was the only one on my side now he's telling me to get out now too & won't even speak to me:/

I would consider the friend's mom option, and possibly family. Explaining to family that there is much turmoil and that you are looking for help in the form of distancing yourself from the situation so it can start to be resolved...might be a good way to approach them. This doesn't place blame on anyone in particular and suggests a very healthy way to deal with this...even if they believe your mom, it would be hard to argue that distance is not needed so things can be dealt with constructively...

Your environment is quite toxic.I think if you could possibly relocate yourself you would begin to grow an awareness of how all of these situations you are in are related to their personalities,and not something you deserve.You will learn that these things are not what you have created.What would you love to have in the traits of a good friend? Do you possess some of those qualities? Take inventory,and find the values you possess.When you see things in you that you want to change...recognize them as 'something to work on',not....subtractions of your worth.Demand to receive the dignified treatment that you would give to anyone else.Get free of that environment.As you move forward,you will recognize your inherent value,and be less tolerant of these abuses.Please try to become independent of that environment,so you can flower....and grow.Hope to hear from you again.Best wishes,Wolfy

[dolle9]

THIS POST IS A COMPLETE CONTRADICTION TO THE LAST TWO-

Soo I finally found a job. Still trying to get another but I like this one a lot. My mom started talking to me again a few days ago and me and her just had a looong talk. [argued a lot] But we cleared a lot of things up. She thinks I'm depressed and I'm feeling insecure about myself and that's why I'm stuck and haven't done much for myself. She feels I've changed and I put up a wall for everyone and now I just give everybody attitude and I don't talk to anyone. I told her it's probably because of the way things have been between my family and I and she said I was right. She apologized and said that they aren't against me, they were just worried because it was like I changed so much over night. Now she's offering to help me more & tomorrow I'm going to get my license. [YES, I'm 19 without a license. Never really cared to get it idk why.] And she wants to take me to see a counselor so that I can clear my head. She didn't know what happened between my brother and sister and I, and I told her, and she said that she's going to help me get my life back to normal with myself and my family. Idk what happened to her and what made her change but it seems like she's finally understanding me although she still won't accept my bf [I knew she wouldn't anyway- doesn't change a thing for me]. But yeah things seem like their turning around. I'm feeling a lot happier with my self right now. Still planning on moving out and all but I feel like I'm not as rushed. Like I can do the things I have to do first to make things turn out right. It's kind of relieving. I've even been going out with my bf and coming home without getting yelled at or getting in a fight. She even hugged me for the first time in a long time. She told me she loved me it was crazy how good that felt to hear. I didn't realize how much I miss my family. Things weren't always so bad. I actually did get along with everybody not too long ago. And today with my mom things seem good

I just want to say that I really appreciate this site. Even though I'm not on so much. It's like relieving to have somewhere to write about you're problems, or how things are clearing up and then see other people are going through the same things and you really aren't the only one. And then maybe give hope to others that things will turn around for them too. Excuse my.... cheesy-ness but yeah just felt like sharing that.

[IceCreamKid]

I am glad things are looking up for you.

[Irine]

I hope it will keep improving

You aren't "cheesy".You are a young woman who needed some different angles on a personal situation,and have found some relief.Reaching out is very mature.I am pleased to hear of the developments you have experienced.Just remember...don't be completely discouraged if you experience some bumps...things always turn a corner.Hope to hear from you.Hold your "un-cheesy" head high.lol....hugs.WO.olf