[MahlerTheMartyr]

Hi guys, I'm new to these forums, but I am currently working for a degree in Psychology. I was wondering some people could play sort of game with me --though, I don't want to trivialize too much. There is someone I know and I'm really curious to get an outside opinion of their current mental state/progression; namely, there maturity level. Now, that does not mean I think they are going mental or anything. This isn't like that. But here's what I would like to know from anyone who cares to join in on the game: Tell me at least what sex and age you think this person is from reading what they have to say about various things. You can tell me whatever else you feel like as well. I just want to get an objective outsider's opinion. It's for learning and curiosity's sake. I will tell you more after I get some responses...if I do Thanks

This person says:

On Love: Love is the honest feeling that you care for some one despite their flaws, and your are willing to do anything for them, and try to understand everything you can about them. Also, an emotion that sometimes can be unexplainabe.

On Regret: Everything happens for a reason. I never would have learned from my mistakes if I didn't make them when I was young.

Things That Fascinate Me:
1. How your brain and your mind works
2. Language; how it all comes together
3. What happens after death
4. Creativity of Art and Music
5. Names.

Favorate Bands: Tool, Pink Floyd, Beatles

Favorate Color: White

On Myself: I think I'm kind of a people-pleaser, and I never succeed so I feel like people wonder why I'm not a good person. I think I am a dork. I'm different from a lot of people: I like to go on long walks by myself; be alone. I think deep thoughts. I think anybody really knows who I am. I worry alot, always think "Why can't I do this right?". However, I do like myself because I'm glad I'm not mean, and that I try to be a good person. Even thought I'm not perfect, I always try to do my best, or hope that I do.

Thank you. You can take this as serious as you'd like.

male, 31.

[Beautiful_Pain]

Female, between 17-22

[Lexicon78]

Well, I've heard it from both sexes. I know women that think like that and also men that think like that, so I'm really not sure on the sex, but I'm pretty sure that they are young. Like from 18-35.

[MahlerTheMartyr]

Ok, Pain is the closest. This is a girl of 14 years. Ok, here's the deal, I consider myself mentally healthy, and I am not a bad person, but I really like this girl, but the problem is, I'm 22 years old. We have a very unique frienship, probably one of the most engaging friendships I have with anyone at the moment (very intellectua/lcreative). Oh, I have heard everything from people..."She's Jail-bait, stay away", and "You only like her because you can't relate and communicate with girls your own age". I've heard every possible thing you can think of from people. Mainly people think "I'm chasing after underage chicks". Oh, hardly. I've known this girl for almost 7 years, and I've liked her at least as a friend since I've known her. I have the utmost respect, and she is completely aware of many of the factors involved...and I have confessed so many things to her, and there is no way that we won't atleast be friends for as long as we are alive. Ironically, the forums are the only places I can get objective advice...so I get extremes alot. Both her parents know I like her, as well as her brothers. It's all out in the open, and nobody has a big problem with it. Ok, I'll quit the defensive attitude (that's not what it is, but I know people will perceive it that way) .

Here's the thing, this girl seems like she meshes with who I am and who I want to be in so many ways; Her personality, thought processes, etc..... It seems like she is on her way to being a very healthy person. I know there are many problems with going by only my predictions and obvservations. For 1, she is too young to know what she wants out of life, so I have no clue where she will go, what direction she will take, and if it will correspond in anyway with my life 4 years from now, and I do not want to direct her life...it is none of my business right now. But who knows what the nature of our relationship will be in even 5 months...who knows what sort of dialogue will be taking place. I have no clue how she will change in 4 years.

Since she doesn't like me as more than a friend now (which, considering her age, is actually a good thing) it is not smart for me to put my hope only in her. Actually, in any circumstance I don't believe it is healthy for anyone to put all their faith in 1 person, and 1 person alone, to believe that nobody else can be "the one"...especially when a full relationship isn't even possible for a few years. I don't believe in this idea of "the one". But when you finally make that commitment and you know the chances for the relationship working are far greater than the chances it will fail, then you can focus on that 1 person.

Contrary to what she still believes, I don't think real love has alot to do with "feelings"...but I think she does touch on something when she says it can be "unexplainable". Real love transcends thought and words I think, and it has more to do with an "activity" and "function" rather than a thing of mere feeling. Any feeling of love should be a result of many things taking place and many different variables...people who feel intense love because they witness "beauty", they can be deceived...not to say that real love cannot grow out of physical attraction...what would we do without it? But it cannot be our only decing factor in who we date and marry ect. Oh i know these are "givens" to some people. I will not lie to myself.

I know it is not her youth and beauty that I am attracted to, but if it is--like some people have suggested--than I will not like her when she grows up. I will tell you guys honestly, there is something special in the dialogue we have. I had a girlfriend at 14, and I made out with her and did all that crap(except sex)...and I've had several girls who were friends throughout highschool and I've had girls who were obsessed with me, but I can tell you, there is something special about this, and she might not realize it yet, because she doesn't really have alot of experience with life at all yet, and has not been with guys very much. In a way, I am glad she is not crazy about and in-love with me. It shows a bit of maturity on her part. How many girls would give anything for a guy my age to like them? But I just hope she learns the things that will help her the best in her life. Ok, I know I am going to get persecuted for this. But I have no problem with it. I would like advice, but I will let you know when I know you are wrong or don't understand certain things. You can go ahead and try to "figure me out" and say crap like "You are unable to be intimate with girls your own age", cause trust me, that isn't it. I don't need psychoanalysis. But I don't mind how extreme your opinions are, share them. I want to hear honest/wise/good advice, and I will not lie to myself if I hear truth.

Her brain may be mature for her age but her emotions aren't.
Let's look at this another way, what if you were her Dad? How would you feel about a 22 year old man with his 14 year old daughter. Realistically.

i understand your feelings. i'd be leery of you if she were my daughter, BUT, when i was 14 i was in love with a 20 year old. thank goodness he went into the army and i didn't see him for four years.

you make a lot of sense in your reasoning, but i'd suggest leaving her alone..as much as possible and devote yourself to your studies and make some other friends. do volunteer work...teach kids math. tutor...whatever.

i also can understand the connection. when i was in my 40s, i met a young Navajo man who was 22. we connected immediately and we went through all of the "attraction" scenarios...we stayed up all night once talking about our relationship and his take on it was that because of what we went through..we got where we are now. soulmates but not "together soulmates". does that make sense. if i called him tonight (900 miles away) and told him that i needed him, he'd come and vice versa. i'm much older than you and had a lot more life experience when i met him. and at your age, you haven't had as much life experience as you probably think that you have. i felt that way in my 20s.

keep up the posting and we'll work through this...okay? pat

[Beautiful_Pain]

This doesn't sound like a problem to me, maybe I'm wrong? You don't want to do anything illegal with her, or her with you. You have intense feelings of closeness, but recognize her true age, correct? Let her grow up, and if the feeling persists when she is an adult with more life experience, you may become more than friends--then again you may remain the best of friends for the rest of your lives. Anyone that touches you in this way-so deep, and accepting-is a blessing in my eyes...and you should cherish and protect them as much as you can. Enjoy this time with her as friends, and hope she doesn't 'grow out of it'. =)

[MahlerTheMartyr]

Well, life is a journey...and frankly, in the end, I don't care "who" that particular individual I end with is. I just care that we have a positive/unplifting/challenging(engaging) relationship. I am not as concerned about "who" I love as I am with "how" to love. Ofcourse I am not going to take advantage of this girl...the way our relationship is right now, she has placed so much trust in me, and to try anything would be betraying and she would end up hating me, and it would also mean that I don't really "love" her, because there cannot be love without respect. I have to help her in every stage of her life in the manner that is required...if that means to take a step back and let her be(like when she gets into dating) then I will. But right now, it actually seems unnatural and wrong to cease the level of friendship we have. Like I said, her father is good friends with me, and when he found out, our relationship did not change. And he is not one of these "anything goes; do what feels good" people of our modern world. Ok, gotta go. thanks for the advice so far.