I guess it goes here?

I'm not even sure where to start with this...its about my sister and her baby...

This will most likely end up long and in parts, I don't think I can sit and type it all up in one sitting with my RA.

Ok, I have 2 younger sisters, N and M, they are fraternal twins, now almost 23. One of my sisters, N, got involved with an ex-con who was still legally married but seperated from his estranged wife. The husband/wife had 3 (I think) kids together. The guy has 3 other children with different women--so 6 kids with 4 women when my sister N met him. He went back to prison on parole violation, she 'stayed with' him while he was in, when he got out she moved to Los Angeles to be with him. She had a hard time and did many stupid things (but experimental age played a large part-that and she had lived with an ex-boyfriend for over 4 years, so wanted to 'see and experience' things, you know?), she ended up pregnant and moved home. She took good care of herself while pg, took her prenatals, went to the doctor for all her appointments, had her blood taken as scheduled (even though she Hates needles). She was excited, bought baby stuff and prepared for the coming baby. When she went in to have her, she took no pain meds as there was a slight risk to the baby and she's tough and could handle it. =) She ended up having a c-section, and my first neice was born on my husband and I's wedding anniversary. What a gift! Her mom takes very good care of her daughter, K, loves her. She plays with her, teaches her things and all this good stuff. She's a great, nurturing mother. About what our family (that all of us in it love babies and expect such treatment of our next generation, you know?) expects our children to be treated like, and taken care of in this way. She dumped the guy when he tried to come to her house drunk and high to see 'his family'. She told him K was Her baby, not his and sent him packing! That's great, but you thought I had a problem? I do...I was showing you this so you could see a contrast coming up

--takes a break-- To be continued

Ok now onto M and how things started with her. She was in an abusive relationship for approx 3 years with a much older guy. He had kids with different women, one of which is my father's wife's daughter. (I know my father and he is Not my Dad--my dad died this year...just to let you know I don't claim him. I guess I should also say that none of us claim our mother as our mom, we call her by her first name and she is like an aunt--our grandmother raised us. My sisters and I all have 'different' moms and dads that we claim, ok? Our father's side of the family is synonymous with drunk, so we tend to keep seperate from them socially.) Well, M started hanging out with some drug users and got into it, she quit eventually, but started drinking alot instead. She met and hooked up with a guy named J, who happens to be our first cousin. We all knew this, so it wasn't like they didn't know when it happened, but they went ahead anyway. They became a couple, and my sister M ended up pg as well. She was about 3 months behind N in pregnancy...

to be continued again...

boy, sounds like alot of undesirable things have been taking place, but the gift of a child cannot be understated. No matter how they were brought into this world, it cannot be held against them, and we should hope that they grow up to their fullest potential. I mean, I guess I could say "wow, that's all messed up and disfunctional", but the children really are a gift, and you just gotta do the best you can, and you can't go back in time and fix the mistakes and stupid decisions. Just help your sisters the best you can. I have no clue in what way would be best, because I do not see all the variables and circumstances. So, you gotta do the best you can at this moment, and try to make the best of the future I guess. I don't know why so many girls/women are attracted to the wrong "types". Its unfortunate. I just gotta make sure I don't turn into one of those types(drunk, abusive, irresponsible, criminal etc...) Ok. ready for more...

She didn't tell her cousin/boyfriend that she was pg, because he didn't want any more kids. (he has 2 or 3 kids by 2 women) So she didn't eat so she wouldn't gain weight, wouldn't take her prenatals so he wouldn't see them, and continued to party (drinking and smoking cigs and pot) so he would think she wasn't pg. She lied when he asked outright if she was pg, finally told him during 7th month of pg. They had a fight, about her lying and not getting her birth control shot when she was supposed to. He never said anything about her drinking/drugging while pg with his child. During her whole pregnancy she told all of us that she didn't want the baby--and hoped someone would take it (she continued to call her it even when she found out the baby was a girl). A baby would get in the way of 'her relationship' as well as the partying they did. She told the baby, while it was still unborn, that she didn't want it and it was a mistake, a problem. There were some of us who said we would take her when she was born...me and my husband, my brother and his wife, my aunt. She said she didn't care who took her, she didn't want her.

to be continued

wow, very devistating. I just hope the baby escapes the most of what the Drugs and Alcohol could have done her. It's depressing. It's almost like she is commiting a slow, painful abortion. Has she stopped the partying yet?

M as never been very maternal, good with babies etc. When she babysat a family friends baby I had to help alot-she freaked out when a bottle didn't stop his crying. When she went into the hospital to have her she was ok, she did well. She also ended up having a c section, and at first seemed like she loved the baby. She still wasn't good with taking care of her, but she was willing to try. She did good (well, alright) with her for 3 days, until the boyfriend showed up. Then she started passing her daughter off to family so she and J could go party. The first 30 days of her daughter, R's, life she/they had her 5 or 6 days. The rest of the time they were off drinking. They decided to move in with his dad, almost an hour away, when R was almost 2 months old. The last day they were at my mom's she told them they were leaving, and she supposed they were going to take R. She had told someone in the family they were going to give R to his sister (BIG problems here, will go into it later). We freaked out. Me, my mom, my sister and my aunt were all at the house the morning this happened. Her and my mom got into a fight that if they didn't want the baby to leave her at the house. My sister kept saying she didnt want her and if someone did they better speak up or she was taking her to give to J's sister. My aunt, sister and I had a quick discussion...sister had a 4.5 month old baby-but would take her, if she had to. I said I would after I checked with husband, my aunt is 50 but she went in and said she would take her and raise her, if I couldn't. My sister said "Fine." She went in to get her to give her to us, and J--having heard what was said--told her no. This was his baby and they were going to raise her as a family (yes, because he's done SO well with his sons he never sees). So, just on that...she came out and said No, she was taking her and they were going to be a fmaily. They were hung over, and taking awhile to get things together. My aunt and I went out to have a cig and talk things over.

to be continued

*sigh* I will have to finish this some other time...I really don't have the energy or heart to go into this again. Its been bad enough thinking about it lately =(

Geesh BP my heart goes out to you and your neice. Hope she lands in loving hands. It's hard to watch the innocent suffer, and feel so helpless....... geeesh LOL

}}}}}bunny{{{{{ There is more and it only gets worse...will post more of the story when I feel up to it =(

Thank you for replying =)

Wow! Feel free to post the rest when you feel up to it. I really feel sorry for you, your family and especially the baby. (((hugs)))