Sick and tired of being alone...

Sorry this isn't a question, it's just me needing to vent for a bit...

I have made it to 23 without ever being in a relationship....and let me tell you it sucks! I know part of the reason is because I am not very trusting with my heart. And that comes from, I believe, not having a very good relationship with my father, he is the one man I should have been able to trust my whole life but have never been able to. I see a few friends around me in bad relationships and I am glad at those moments that I am single. But for the most part....most of my friends are in relationships and extremely happy. My closest friends are in happy, stable relationships, and some of them are even starting families. I cannot talk to them about how lonely I am. Don't get me wrong I am extremely happy for them. It just hurts to know I've never felt the way they do and I'm starting to wonder if I ever will. The couple of times I even let me friends "set me up" I ended up getting hurt. In one of these instances a friend of mine was talking to me and this guy she wanted to hook me up with about each other. He finally added me on Facebook one day and I decided to accept his friend request and message him...but I never heard back from him and he seemed to overlook me whenever I would see him out in public. The other time I actually spoke with the guy and we set up a time and place to meet. However, when the day came I was left sitting at the meet-up place alone, he never showed. You know, as good as "Happily every after" sounds I'm beginning to believe that it only exists in fairytales and Disney movies. For now I would settle for a "Happily right now." People tell me that one day it will happen for me, but I just don't know.

Sorry, I know I'm rambling. I just needed to vent and I figured this would be the safest place to do it.

I feel your pain. I'm 25 and I've been in a couple of long term relationships, but the grass was always greener on the other side. In the end, I've ended up alone and with trust issues. It sucks and it isn't fun. I know I will be the crazy cat lady!

I was 21 the first time somebody kissed me. I laughed, and felt humiliated. I was studying abroad, and for the first time, guys were looking at me. So, I had a boyfriend for 2 months. Came back to the US, and had two experiences pretty similar to yours with guys a friend set me up with.

Years later, I finally figured out that I'm a lesbian, but that didn't make the dating easier. After being "out" for 5 years, I finally started dating somebody at the age of 35. For about two months, we had this confusing, distant relationship. She just has this crazy busy life, and got some bad news, and it's not a good time for her to be in a relationship, so now we're supposed to be friends. That is as of yesterday.

I know that for me, it would be really helpful to know that I'm not alone in my loneliness and lack of experience, and I guess that's why I'm sharing this with you, though I don't know how comforting it really is.

People always seem to give the advise that worked for them. Have you noticed that? There are the opposite ends of the spectrum. "Just stop looking, it will happen when you least expect it." "It doesn't just happen, you have to make it happen." None of it makes me feel better, or sound easier. With this person, she was so busy, and I was unemployed. I felt like I was putting a lot of pressure on her to be available to me, when I have so much time on my hands, so I have been trying to do things for myself, and socialize outside of that. I joined more meetup groups, then missed the meetups, lol.

I think though that if there was any advice they gave me that I appreciated more than the rest, it was to get out and do things that make me happy. Just wish I had somebody special to be happy with...

you aren't alone

Thanks. It is nice to know that I'm not completely alone in going through this... no matter how bad it may suck....

you definately arent alone in being alone. i have been alone for i think its been 9 years now. too long to reemmber. lol. i got married at 21 because i was pregnant. i married an older man who was not the baby's father so i wouldnt have to move back home. he turned out to be a controlling abusive man. i left that relationship and went into another controling abusive relationship. i did this because both these men sought me out, wore me down into seeing them and i didnt think anybody else would want me so i didnt feel i had a choice if i ever wanted a relationship. my mother told me all my life that i was fat and no man would ever want me. but these men did. so i stayed in these relationships for twenty years of my life. now i have been alone for 9 years and i am haunted by my mothers words still. i have lost weight and looking better than ever, but still large at a size 18. people at work keep joking about how men are going to be all over me now not realizing they are enforcing my mothers words - i wasnt worthy of having a man when i was larger? i watch "yes to the dress" and see these very large brides with very nice looking fiancees so know it is possible to get a man despite my size, but where are they? i am fat and crazy. who wants that besides the controlling abusive men of my past. so i stay alone. its not what i wanted for myself, but i dont know if i am healthy enough not to fall back into the same type of relationship. so i stay alone. not that i have a choice to be somebody really, my lifestyle isnt condusive to meeting people. im sorry, im rambling. venting myself. i wont offer you any cliche's, i will just second what sara has said. do what makes you happy. dont sit around and wait for a relationship. have fun with yur life and when a relationship does come around, it will just make it better.

yeah i try to get out and do stuff, but its kind of like sara said it would be nice if we had someone to share it with. so for now im working on being happy with me

cats can be awesome to hang out with...

where do you live?
there is nothing wrong going out by yourself, to make new friends and meet new people.

alot of my friends have moved away this year due to work and school - i find myself with a smaller crowd of friends (who are mostly all in relationships) and single! ugggh.

so - i've decided to just go out by myself - to free concerts at record stores, gallery openings, film screenings, festivals, and other fun events that free to the public (like "shakespeare in the park").

don't be afraid. make some changes.

also perhaps you can find a part time job at a restaurant or bar? just a thought. you will meet alot of people working jobs like that ~

i live in western kentucky. not too many restaurants or bars hiring right now. right now i have a part time job at a call center for a university so im stuck in an office. i worked in restaurants for a while and i did meet a lot of people. just waiting for an opening to be able to do it again.

but i will try some of the free concerts and such....thanks for the idea!

but i will definitely try some of the other things you said, like concerts, gallery opening, etc. sounds fun....thanks for the idea.

totally. i mean, you can always start hosting bands and art shows yourself - i mean, find a space, talk to some students/artists/bands and start doing it yourself. i mean there has to be some kool kids wanting to express themselves that way ~

yeah there's a pretty cool coffee shop in lowertown that advertises shows for local bands. so i'm thinking about going down there tomorrow to see if there are any shows coming up.

I'm also sick and f-ing tired of being alone. I'm 35 and haven't dated or being in a relationship for years amd more to come. It is sad that these days being in a relationship is considered normal and being single for long isn't. I can even help that.

Hello OB,

Not all "happily ever afters" involve relationships. If you have a job you enjoy and the ability to maybe travel, you can broaden your life experience which might help you to be more relaxed and responsive to a relationship?

While you are in two minds about it, it isn't a great thing to step into a relationship anyway. But the best thing to do is to realise you are such a young person! 23 years of age! I know people who haven't wed 'til they were in their 30's & 40's having had maybe one or two relationships. But they decided to wait for the right one, which they knew they would recognise at the right time.

I think the chappy on facebook is a bit of a jerk for doing that to you; no one deserves to be stood up that way. It's just so easy to say "I'm sorry I'm not interested". But chin up and smile on! If I were you I'd be definitely travelling before having a relationship and doing the family thingy. It won't be too long until your friends will be telling you how lucky you are to be young and free...mark my words...

You're sure to have a relationship, just don't clog your life up with one now it will happen in its own time...

Love & Blessings,
Rhian

Thanks rm.

I would LOVE to travel but I'm trying to finish up the last of my college degrees. Once thats done I have a very short grace period before my student loan repayment starts. So I gotta be getting some money saved up for that. But hopefully one day I will be able to travel I already have a short list of places I would really like to go before I settle down. Who knows what the next few years will hold.

Your right Stieg... I wish people didn't see the "norm" as having to be in a relationship. It only makes it harder for those of us who are single...

Way back in the 70's, I thought it was ok to stay single.....but I met a nice guy & then noticed some things I wasn't happy about with him & knew it would be problems as I lost respect for him because of his attitudes about certain things. The wedding invitations had already gone out & my mother assured me that it was just because he was young & he would grow up & mature & become more responsible.

Well, he never did....33 years later, I finally left him. Didn't get a divorce, just left.....for Central Kentucky where I have never been more happy being alone. I have a great number of friends & am involved in lots of horse related activities & church & Bible study activities.

There is NOTHING WRONG with living alone & being alone. It's ok to have nothing but friendship relationships.....don't let anyone tell you differently. I did have to find myself again.....the me that I had lost over those 33 years, but now I know the real me & have never been happier. Being alone is wonderful...you don't have to have a relationship to make you a valuable person. Most of the time you can't have a good relationship unless you think of yourself as a valuable person in the first place. It's important to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Don't let outside pressure push you into a relationship just because you think it's the right thing to do, you will only regret it in the long run.

Thanks. I'm just lonely, I think its been the loneliness talking more than anything

It cool that you live in Central Kentucky, I live in central KY for a few years.