Leaving home

I find I am struggling a lot lately with surreal feelings.

I just moved out of home for the first time, I have my own apartment with my boyfriend.

I feel this sort of split feeling, I'm so happy to be here, to have my own place, to be sharing this with the person I love, I notice I am doing things I use to do more often now, such as cooking, baking, writing, eating better, feeling motivated about the future, overall I am happier and healthier

But a part of me really misses my home town and surrounding area, I miss living at home, I miss my dogs, I miss....I can't say stability because I didn't have any at my parents house, but the familiarity, the security of knowing how things work. My home life before I left was very unstable and a very unhealthy environment, so why do I miss home?

Sometimes I feel extremely displaced, especially after I go back to my parents' house to visit or stay the night and see hometown friends. I come back to my apartment and it feels weird, alien, I feel confused about what is "home" now.

I also feel guilty for sharing these feelings with my bf, that he will get the wrong idea and mistake this transition period of my life as me not being happy with him in our apartment. He says he doesn't take it that way and it's something that I have to go through, something he went through when he left home and that he understands he just can't completely relate since he left home many years ago (bf is 8 years older than me)

I have boughts of depression and anxiety, I miss home, I miss that chapter of my life, but I know it was me just running in place not getting anywhere, that it was a "chapter" and I've moved on to the next page, it's just hard to let go, it's hard to learn how to balance everything.

hon it is called an adjustment period. you sound so good too! I think we all miss home when we leave. perfectly natural! good luck in your new home with your honey! enjoy it!

I agree I think it is some phase for the majority of people
I some times wonder- where is home- some times I wonder if I will always have this due to I never had roots growing up *(as in my parents never stayed in one place, my mother especially could not stay some where more than 6 months at times). But I remember- Home is where I make it- And that is where you make it

Good Luck and if your bf says he understands I would trust that- I sometime doubt that my bf understand but then in the end it seems like he magically does! (lol)

change is always somewhat uncomfortable i think for all of us. even my moving into a new home feels alien at first. it sounds like your choice to move out of your parent's home was a healthy one. the good news is you can always visit but you don't have stay there once you feel uncomfortable. i moved out for the same reasons you did. when i visited home it made me know i had a right choice and i could just leave and go back to my apartment. whew! your bf sounds like a very caring, understanding person. i'm happy for you. try not to worry too much. in time everything will become associated with your new home!

Thank y'all so much!

I don't feel so alone now, and it's good to know this isn't abnormal.

My biggest thing is I really miss my lil sister and dogs.

Things are still being settled in our apartment because we are acquiring furinture still. Hopefully the more unpacked and more of a routuine I get into I'll feel better.

I know this year is going to have a lot of emotionally draining moments, not because they will be a negative experience but change and I don't always handle change well. It's really strange sometimes for me to have to share my life with another person, I'm very use to being by myself or only having to worry about my family.

I don't even want to think what kind of state I will be in come holiday season O__o

Overall I know I did the right thing, and Madisgram I feel that way too, after I get back to my apartment for a few hours I start to settle in and realize how happy I am to have a space of my own.

Thank you all so much