It took me a very long time to figure why none of the relationships Ive been in in the past worked. And why they all failed, and ended. Used to think it was everyone else, that I didn't have a problem (back when I had no idea what bipolar was, or that It). Kept blaming everyone else for why things went down the way they did, not to mention why we fought so much.

One day its dawned on me (when i was around 25 or so), in every single relationship there had always been a part of the equation in each situation. Which was me. And to solve the problem, I had to take that part of the equation out of the situation so there would be no more problem. Realizing that, and doing it was harder then I imagined however, as I didn't want to be alone. I still don't want to be alone. Yet, I feel as if its for the best I do stay this way.

As I'm sure everyone out there knows by now, being with someone who is bipolar tends to cause a lot of problems in a relationship, not to mention its extremely hard to make for a lasting one.

While there is some out there that do make it work, and have went on to live, and have happy relationship's with someone who is bipolar. It is still quite hard on everyone involved, as the person that has bipolar tends to fluctuate in dealing with their emotions, and moods. Personally, Ive heard more ppl that cant handle being with someone with bipolar then Ive heard of happy endings.

Ive been alone now for nearly 4yrs due to my disorders, as I feel I'm doing a person that is interested in me a huge favor by not allowing them to be in my life, other then being friends. When I was 28, I was told that I had borderline personality disorder (among other disorders) and i was gonna be on an emotional roller-coaster ride for the rest of my life. And anyone that was gonna be in my life was going to be on the emotional roller-coaster ride right along with me.

I had a few relationships after that, which taught me even more about myself, however, one of the things Ive learned was that it would be extremely selfish of me to want, and allow someone in my life as a gf, or anything else. Not to mention it would rob them of the chance of being with someone who could offer them stability, and happiness, which I know I would not be able to offer.

As is, a woman can do much better then me. As all i could offer would be a lot of unwanted baggage, and I say this cause its not easy for even myself to deal with what I go thru on a daily basis. I know it would be extremely hard on the other person as well.

Why am I going on about all this? More or less to give others an idea of what being in a relationship with someone who is bipolar is like. With that being said, i know everyone is different, not to mention everyone deals with, and handles each situation that comes their way differently. Yet, the bottom line is this. Being with someone who is bipolar is extremely taxing, not only for the bipolar person themselves, but also on everyone else involved. Especially the ones close to him/ her.

So, weather your an individual that is getting involved with someone who is bipolar, or you are already in a relationship with that person. I highly recommend taking the time to think, in depth, weather you really want to be with that person. I'm sure some of those who are bipolar that read this will be upset with what is being said. Yet, keep in mind, I am also bipolar. I know full well what your going thru and all that. I'm just trying to help others is all.

With that being said, I am deeply sorry if anyone gets upset, or hurt by what is said in this posting. It is was not my intention to do so. And I humbly ask for your forgiveness. In closing this out here, I will wish and hope everyone has a wonderful day.

[beauflow]

BlueCasper, I think every good hearted person deserves love, despite their ''disorder(s)''. I think some ppl need to accept that they are worth being loved. And as always there are many forms of love

[FeelingHopeful]

Thank you Blue Casper for your heartfelt words, you sound like a friend of mine with your words because he believes the same,,, He is a Genuine amazing selfless person in my mind to feel that way and not want to put others through something like that,, I think your amazing for thinking that way too, putting othersbefore you,,, But I think all people deserve love and happiness and you should not deprive yourself of that,,, Speaking from the other standpoint, im a woman who was told that i could do better than him,,, that he couldnt be with me because of what he wasgoing through, its hard , i would like the chance, i love him no matter what and will be there for him , its so hard to be pushed away from someone i really love, if the girl loves you, shes choosing to be with you knowing your illness and knows what she is getting into,, so let her love you , im going to be there for the guy i love, i love him for who he is, not what others think he should be...

Thank you both for your insight. I appreciate your time and responses. FeelingHopeful, I would like to say its not a matter of what others thinking he should be anything. If he is doing the same thing as me, I would have to say that he knows exatly what hiso doing, and no one has influanced this decision other than himself. If his doing it for the reasons I think his doing it for, than he doesnt want to hurt you, neither does he want you to end up hating him if the both of you brake up.
I, myself have had alot of women all say the same thing, that they could deal with, and handle me being bipolar. That they would never leave me. If I had a dollar for every time ive heard that, I wouldnt be rich, but id have a few bucks, lol. Nevertheless, here I am single and alone. Its easy to say you can handle it, its alot harder actually doing it. Not saying you couldnt do it, there are quite a few relationships out there that have worked with one of the individuals being bipolar. You could have such a relationship yourself. Only time would tell, if you really mean what you say with loving him and wanting to be with him. Dont give up, dont ever stop wanting that, yet, just be his friend. Be there for him when he needs someone. Even if he doesnt ask you to be there. It may show him you are serious over time.

[ilovedogs]

I do appreciate the words you've shared here. I am married to a man who is either bipolar or has borderline personality disorder(he's in the process of working on getting a diagnosis, at the age of 44). My husband has said the same exact words you have said, he's pushed me away with his words and actions and yes, it's been painful. I don't handle conflict well so our 16 year marriage has had a lot of turmoil mostly caused by his issues and the fact that I respond poorly to him. I am working on how I respond to him, though, and on setting up boundaries to protect myself.

I do believe that bi-polar people deserve healthy relationships just as anyone with any condition(or no condition) does. I think the question is; how to find the right person who can handle someone with mental illness. I do believe that if my husband had sought a diagnosis earlier or if I had forced him to get help earlier in our marriage that things would have been better for us. I feel that I, too, dropped the ball. We have poor communication skills in our relationship now because of the patterns of passive aggressive behavior and his anger issues and my resulting shut down after the anger, etc. I do believe that there is hope for those with mental illnesses to have healthy relationships but it's going to take a LOT more work than those who don't have issues. And, it's going to take commitment from both parties. I think that if you are open and honest with someone from the very beginning and if you communicate in a healthy way, there is always hope for a successful relationship/friendship/etc. Thank you for sharing.

[FeelingHopeful]

Blue Casper i am so thankful for you for starting this thread! Im educating myself now on Bipolar so i can support him, it helps to hear from someone who suffers with this what its like, agree with that he doesnt want to hurt me, he told me that too and i know its really true, if we dated i could never ever hate him , we have been close friends for so long that i will always support him and care about hi, we been threough everything together, have such a history, i am his friend for life! Blue casper i have so many things to ask you.......................

[FeelingHopeful]

Thanks Blue Casper for the email, im going to wb soon as i can I bought the Book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder a while ago and I read it all the time.........

[Confusedinomicon]

Almost everyone has some kind of baggage going into relationships. It takes various forms. From a physical disability, bad habits, emotional damage, mental illnesses and the list could go on. I don't think it is fair to write a warning and cast such a negative picture on people who are bipolar. I know you talked about people who have bipolar and are in successful relationships and that its hard but what relationship isn't. If a relationship was so easy there would be less people getting divorced/breaking up/leaving a SO.