Finally Discussing Divorce.

It seems to me that your husband could care less how his behavior affects his daughters. It's all about him. Now to the point that HE wants a boy. How self-centered can you get?

I agree - he claims he loves people but he loves himself 1st above everyone else. Once during a legal case he had to take a psychiatric assessment because he was claiming mental stress on the lawsuit. The report came back he's narcissistic and I firming believe he is and borderline psychopath. He does what he wants and doesn't care if anyone else objects.

Yes its extremely selfish of him to want a boy. TBH I'm the primary parent, some days he'll go 4 days without seeing my girls because he comes home after they go to bed and wakes up after they leave for school. If he does end up having a boy with some woman...good luck to her because except for financial support she'll be waiting at home for him to see the baby. I bet he would have another girl - we're also strained financially and can't afford anything ATM. His motivation is to have a boy not to give a child a good life. His lawyer friend has a well trained dog and now he wants to by one and keep it at his business, even though we already have a beautiful well trained dog - he's ridiculously impressionable to what others have.

To this day he justifies and feels entitled to what he did(taking another wife) because he feels I wasn't attentive enough sexually. Supposedly in the Muslim tradition - women are supposed to satisfy their men ha. I told him 10 yrs ago that I would never reject him but he expected me to woe him all the time rather than him making advances. I don't mind making the 1st move sometimes but I'm the opposite and like the man to clearly show he's interested. He never once said sorry or expressed regret -in his words I deserve what's happening. He lies and claims I went 10 yrs of neglecting him - what a joke and out right lie. He's also a pathological liar and has lied in insurance claims.

One of my friends here PM'd me and said he's trying to push my buttons and knows my tender spots. Her advice was to dodge them as much a possible and not to engage him in these discussions since he loves the attention - I think she's right.

I also wanted to add I'm scared of this whole process of changing my lifestyle or him putting up a vicious fight. When all this 1st happened he hinted that he would make up lies, like me being a danger to the kids which is completely a lie. I believe he would bold lie to make it messy and he would completely deny him cheating.

It sounds like you're dealing with a bad mannered 3 year old!

lynn, if you are not yet divorced, can your husband legally take a second wife???

I do agree with the person who suggested you just dodge whatever he sends your way. It is good you are consulting legal help. After you have done so, I hope you feel free to let that man know that he will need to refer all questions and concerns to your lawyer.
IMHO - That really needs to become your standard response to him.

And, if it is any comfort to you - your children know already who is the good parent and who is not. As time goes on, you will see this.

((((lynn))) Hang tough - there are many of us who have walked in similar shoes and are here to support you.

No its not legal to marry a 2nd wife in Canada. He married in a religious sense (in the Muslim religion) and supposedly she's in Michigan. I don't have any proof and I'm sure he would deny and lie about it. Supposedly he hasn't been with her in 2 yrs but that could be a lie too lol. I bet he's still telling her he's married and won't cooperate and let her go either. He also borrowed a lot of money from her - what a sucker ...I know that's mean but she's deserves it. Thank you for the support ((Caretaker Leo)).

Lynn, please don't assume those are the only two options--you seem to be thinking the worst! If he wants the house so much and you are OK with that, he will have to buy you out of it. That happens a lot in settlements. One spouse keeps the house, the other gets compensation for the value of their share of the house. Very common. Your lawyer will explain. If your husband can't afford to buy you out, then I guess the two of you can sell the house and split the proceeds. If he doesn't want to, too bad. That's how it works. I remember that my lawyer told me that the woman often wants to stay in the house but that it can actually be detrimental. Look at your earning power and present job and the cost of the mortgage and upkeep for the house. A lot of women are better off taking compensation for the house from the husband and then buying a more modest home or condo with that money. Of course, that's not true for all women. I did stay in the family home and it has worked out OK for me.

Yes, indeed, that's a very strange comment about your H wanting to have another child with another woman. Is that his way of saying he is looking forward to being divorced? Once he is divorced, he can go father a dozen children with other women and it will be no concern of yours, thank goodness. Those other women can deal with his views and desire for multiple partners.

I am so glad you are going to see a lawyer! I hope that goes well.

((((Lynn))))

It's a darn shame his "drawers" are more important than anything else in this world. If he wants to be treated like a KING, that's an easy one - he should treat you like a QUEEN.

Does the man know there are only FOUR seasons - Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter? Is he aware there is a REASON for these four seasons and why they need to change? Would it be wise if the world decided to choose a favorite season.....and stay there FOREVER??? Does he know what happens when you cross Winter with Summer and Summer with Winter?

There - I needed to get this off my chest and stomp my foot at your husband.

Thanks ((KathyM)) - they broke the mold when my husband was made. I know he's the most frustrating and egotistical person I've ever met. I called the lady lawyer who our friend recommended and she doesn't take legal aid cases. I'll wait for tomorrow to call our local legal aid since they're closed ATM and I'll try to call a some other lawyers to see if they give free consultations. Its sad you need money to get divorced.

I took the plunge today and called around to some divorce lawyers and they charge at least $275 -350 for a consultation. Some give 30 min free but I'm sure they're tight lipped on purpose during those 30 mins. Since I don't work and don't have my own money, the only choice is to get legal aid to help me, so I called them and got some info. I filed an application on the phone - they changed things here in Canada and only consult over the phone and not in person. I did a referred application - meaning I gave the info but no action until I give the green light. They gave me a case number to call back and some websites where I can download forms to take to the court house.

I'm waiting at this moment because my husband claims to income tax...that after paying all bills for the house and business that he only makes $11,000 profit income. What this means if I go to court is, I would get next to diddly - meaning I would need to get a job or go on welfare. I live in a $300, 000 house which would be a shock but there's no equity in the house if it were to be sold. So that's my dilemma - do I stay living in nice surrounding or live poverty level with some peace of mind. At least I did something and I have to think it over carefully. I couldn't find any Pro Bono lawyers and basically its the same as legal aid lawyers.