[Brometheus]

I am an introverted quiet person.. i prefer ISTP.. it describes me well. I have been with this female for 2 months. fell in love with her, yes.. I met her parents after a couple of weeks.. I say hi to them almost every time i went to her house. Sometimes I'm forced to say hi.. ok only once i was.. or a couple of times..

I have struggled with this all my life. I dont know how to start conversations. No matter how bad i want to, i just dont know how to. I have let so many females pass me by because of that as well. My last stand was online dating.. I thought i found the perfect female for me.. but apparently i was wrong because she cannot understand how hard it is to start a conversation with people. she wants me to do that with her parents. her parents dont like me because of that. but they have never tried to start a conversation with me either.

my girl.. now my ex.. she thinks that i look down on people and i think im better than everyone because i wait for them to talk to me. that hurt me so much.. it makes me feel like crying that someone i love, who i thought would understand me after 2 months, would think this way about me.. that im better than anyone. i know im not.. but i had struggled with low self esteem for years.. its only 5 years now that i have built up a good confidence in myself to be happy with myself and accept myself.. and to have someone tear it down in one night.. it hurts me so much. then she says i dont love her because i cant change that quiet part of me that has problem communicating with others.. only with her, i was so open and outgoing.. i was a different person that nobody sees.. i let her see that side of me.. I CANNOT DO THAT WITH EVERYBODY. how is this so hard to understand? why is this cause for a breakup? why must she let her parents dictate her life? why am i not good enough for anybody? i can accept the fact that im not good for anyone. that i dont know how to greet parents or make everyone like me.. i just cant do it. i was born a quiet person. i have major communication issues.. why does this have to be so hard to understand?

then she texts me talking down on me.. talking about how i only go to work and come home.. wasting my life.. doing my shopping online instead of going to stores, interacting with people.. im too comfortable.. am i really living my life so wrong? i enjoy staying home, watching movies, playing games.. i have no friends. nobody likes me. what is there for me to do in the world? ofcourse, i would go places with her and have a good time. but all of that is gone because i cant talk to her parents. i know my life is pathetic. i'll stay single and wont bother anybody with the way i am. sorry i just needed to let this out. it had been bugging me all day. plus it felt good to let out a few tears while typing this.

i wish more people would try to understand us "quiet people" and not look down on us (because you think we are looking down on you). the hardest thing in this world for me to do is talk to complete strangers, next is start an interesting conversation, which i still have problems doing with my parents, especially my father.. he is a quiet person like me.

once again.. I accept the fact that this personality of mine will be the downfall of me and i will be alone forever. its a shame, because its my only flaw (not the typical guy that cheats, drinks, smokes, or does any recreational drug). i love with all my heart, but love cant make me change my personality.

[unaluna]

It seems to me they lost out on a good guy. On the other hand, you don't want to spend the rest of your life with people who can't appreciate you. The only guy I dated in college that my parents liked, because like you say he could talk to them, almost date-raped me. That's how good a judge of character they were, i.e., not at all, very superficial! And she even criticizes you after you are broken up?! Excuse me, but she lost that privilege when she said goodbye! (Sounds like a country song!) Hang out here a while, just answer questions, it will help make you more verbal, everyone is very nice (it's in the rules!), and in a couple of months you will feel and act differently. Your dad found someone, so will you!

[Brometheus]

thanks hankster.. also very interesting what you said about the guy in college. Her parents told her that im not good for her. I forgot to mention that she has mental issues as well. checked herself into a mental hospital for 2 weeks.. 2 weeks before i met her. Also various physical health issues. But I still loved her and thought she was very beautiful, even if she is a tomboy 90% of the time(seriously). her parents have done much damage to her physically and mentally in the past, yet she still lives to please them. I never talked down on her after those text messages were sent. I just accepted it because i know its true. I like to stay home. It makes me happy. I like to shop at home.. its efficient. i still have the messages saved on my phone. it doesnt hurt me that she brings it up.. its just the way she does. looking down on me. never expected that from her. really thought she was the one, been looking for someone like her all my life, to find out she, and her parents cannot accept the way i am and how hard it is for me to change. ugh..

thank you again for reading.. and your kind words. My dad found someone.. so will I...

[likewater]

There is no such thing as being too shy or quiet to have a relationship
It's ok to be shy. Some women may find it endearing.

[darkwillow]

I have the same problem and I am female. If I go anywhere people just haven't got a clue on what to talk to me about. If I do start a conversation it soon tails off and I feel stupid or I start to stutter or something and blush. I am happiest being a loner and like to read or play my piano but of course I can't do that all day long. I love to shop online as I hate crowds. They make me nervous. My dream would be to live alone as a total recluse but that will never happen.

[gma45]

You don't have to change for anyone! If someone doesn't like the way you are that is their problem not yours. You sound like a really nice human being, She just might not be the right one for you. About talking to people.....you can start with.....Its a nice day isn't it? just small talk, practice here it will help!

[beauflow]

I struggle with talking with my boyfriends parents and we've been together for two and half years. I don't think it's fair for your ex to say she thinks you think your better than ppl so you don't talk. I know two months if your quiet to begin with can make it hard for one to know you, and it to me sounds like two months wasn't enough to get to know you. I agree with gma, you are you. And trying to talk small talk it's hard i know but some times it's baby steps for example my boyfriends parents have a garden that they work on all the time. This lart summer they put tomatoes in, i asked his dad a dumb question are those tomatoes lol and we ended up going out and looking at all the different ones that they were growing and talked about the other plants and all it was nerve racking for me but it was also nice my boyfriend for the record knows i'm shy and i have a bag issue with letting ppl in, he knows my history and i've shared my fears with him on getting to know ppl cuz i'll lose them. He's not pushy with it he jokes that he hopes in ten years i'm still so quiet around them i think his parents have picked up on my shyness too cuz more so now days they start the conversation with small little things like how's work then talk about the game if one is on talking takes time especiallx if your not use to it or afraid with offending or wanting approval. I don't really have advice i'm sorry but i just read your post and wanted you to know i relate and over time with some ppl is just what it takes to strike up conversations
I know in the past for me atleast i have felt liberated to strike up a conversation with someone. I may be in a jolly mood but still it can be nice even if i fumble on my words at the begining

[Brometheus]

thank you all for the nice helpful comments.. one thing i have to add is i feel like i already messed up with her parents.. once people make a judgement about me, i just go with it. i dont try to make it better. i dont try to prove them wrong. i am this way with her parents now, making it harder for me mentally, to even talk to them. Unless its a bold conversation about what they think about me and why i act this way around them. would that prove i love her?.. silly question.. ofcourse it would.. because i started a conversation with them..

this really sucks for me because she was the only person i was so open with. the only person i was very talkative with, i even surprised myself. it made me really happy. it just came so natural with her. its so hard to find someone like that. but at the same time, i didnt know she would turn the way i live on me. that really hurt. i dont think i'll ever open to someone like this again..

I used to be the same when I was younger, I was terrible my husbands mum hated me with a passion but we get on ok now.

No one can change you, It is a self esteem and confindence thing, You sound like a really nice guy, People who have loads and loads of confidence do not understand those without any they just think we're weird.

[ACanthony]

Hey there....Sorry you had to deal with that. Just a few points for me to mention, as I used to be very shy in my late teens/early 20's and I really worked hard at it and had some success (I'm 27 now). There is certainly nothing wrong with being shy. Conversing with anyone, let alone strangers, is very difficult. You won't necessarily have to be shy your whole life if you don't like. Although like I said there's nothing wrong. If you'd like to change, go ahead and change it. Pick up a copy of Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people." That's a good start. I find the best way to interact with strangers is a very simple way....just smile and say "how are you?" Practice smiling at everyone when you walk by them. People will naturally talk to you first if you smile at them. That's a good start I think. Good luck to you.

[Brometheus]

i used to be a cashier at my previous job.. then i realized that job wasnt for me.. i hated greeting people.. but it really helped me a lot at making eye contact. as far as smiling.. lol that's going to take a lot of work. I always only smile if i have a definite reason to smile (someone i know, something funny, someone talking to me, etc.). as far as if someone one on the streets looks at me and we lock eyes, it stays like that for a second or 2.. then i just look away. everytime i think to smile, i automatically think they'll think im creepy.

[St406]

I too am clearly on the quiet side for a male. I appeared to be mute as a teenager and young adult. I agree sometimes people don't know what to make of someone who isn't talkative. I worked on it a few ways.

One thing I did to get experience with superficial talk was to sort of compliment people on what they seemed to value. I would try to take the focus off me by getting them to talk about themselves.

Simple things. If someone was watching a football game---you could say "seems like you really have a passion for this game ".They may then start rambling on about it. That person realizes you noticed them and what they value. They feel at ease now. They realize you may be quiet---but you're not hostile.

With women, unfortunately it does get trickier. In general I've found that they expect us to lead the way with dialogue, especially in the beginning. It takes practice. You can practice superficial dialogue with women in places like restaurants, fast food places, where the meeting will be brief.

There's nothing wrong with being quiet but if you want to be able to talk alittle easier --I think it will just take some practice and exposure.

[Brometheus]

interesting.. i too appeared to be a mute for some time in my life.. but that was kindergarten to 5th grade..

time for a little update.. we talked things over a couple of days ago.. she apologized for a lot of things that she said.. and we just gave our relationship a fresh start. i know, it seems like i'm asking for all of this dating someone who has such issues.. she had to up her dosage of whatever meds she is taking.. (never actually asked what it is).. but i know it calms her down. so yea.. thats my update. things are good again.. for now. sorry to bother you guys with all of this. i really dont have anyone to talk to, when its not her.

[Brometheus]

her parents are still an issue though.. and i am avoiding going to her doorstep.. that would mean id have to go inside to say hi to them and it'd be very awkward for me. definitely wouldnt wanna start a conversation..

[TerryL]

Hi Brometheus, there's nothing wrong with being quiet and shy. That is who you are. I used to be painfully shy myself and I took a job as a teller to try to break out of my shell but I never felt comfortable in the job. I should have been more accepting of myself and found a job more suited for my personality. Heard these words of wisdom on the TV show "Frasier"--"If that shoe don't fit then that ain't your shoe" If you continue to do what comes naturally, as long you are not hurting anyone, you will have a better chance of one day meeting the friends or girl who will love the true you. All the best

[St406]

To Brometheus, I'm glad for you that things have started anew with your girlfriend.

I noticed that you are aware that she increased some sort of medication. That issue is a huge part of her life and I would bet her parents probably know about it. That whole medication topic could be a launching point for simple talk with her parents if you were in the house.

You care about your girlfriend and they care about their daughter. This is common ground. Why not ask your girlfriend what she's taking. Research it. When the right time comes you'll have a discussion point with her parents that doesn't focus on you. Just some suggestions. I wish you all the best.

[HalfSwede]

I think being shy is pretty bloody frustrating in this society. I used to have a Pdoc who said I was using it as an excuse not to push myself. "You are not chy!" he would say. He didn't last long. I find that it can still be an obstacle, but I'm learning how to live with it. I think it does get better with time--not the shyness itself, but how you look at it.