Is This Really My Fault?

Yesterday my bf found out he could get $50 from his payee today. Since he wasn't gonna be in town today and I was, i said i'd pick up the check. Before I went to bed last night I told him that when I wake him up he has to remind me to take a note in saying I had permission from him to pick up the check and that I'd pick up the check then. Why did I tell him this? Well, I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached, that's why!

This morning when I got up, totally forgetting about the check, I got ready to go to partial and waited for my ride. When I got my bf up he said to set the alarm for 9:30 am. Last night he said he'd get up with me and clean and everything before we'd leave for Pittsburgh today. Well, since he didn't remind me I didn't pick up the check.

When I got home, he asked about the check. When I told him that since I wasn't reminded, I didn't remember to pick up the check, he was immediately irate. He started yelling at me, asking me how I could forget something so important! For one thing, it wasn't that important to me. I told him so. It was only important to him that we have money for going down to Pittsburgh. He just kept repeating himself, saying how could I forget something so important????

It just really made me feel like a big pile of crap. It's like no matter what I do, I'm not good enough. He's the one that didn't check to see if his check was ready at the end of the day yesterday! I just feel like I get blamed for everything!

No. I would say he's taking it out on you becasue HE DID NOT GET UP WITH YOU LIKE HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO. Does he do this often? Blame you I mean for stuff. Anything. Kinda sounds like emotional abuse to me. Specially since he knows you are sensitive.

Hey Baby....We all have our areas of weakness & strength.......You told him "straight up" that you'd need a reminder to get the job done.....He Didn't Do It....(& if the check pick up were so crucial, he should have handled it himself)....remind him that for all of your good points, you have 1 or 2 areas of weakness, as does he....and tell him that you will never assume this responsibility again....Hang In There...He'll Recover
Grace

Lexi, number one it is his responsiblity to pick up his check, you were doing an act of kindness
number 2 , usually payee's aren't suppose to give checks out except to the person it goes to, tell bf to grow up and be accountable

What I have learned to do if there is something important I need to remember is to write myself notes. I stick a note to the front door sometimes . Sometimes I stick a note on my bathroom mirror or my puter. I even stick notes in my purse lol...Sure saves a lot of hassle having notes and then I don't forget to do what I've told someone that I'd do for them. This way I don't have to rely on anyone to remind me...Because people get busy doing their thing and forget to remind ya..

Notes notes notes. It's a set up to depend on somebody else's memory when you don't have to. Try to let go of blame and just look at what happened and plan ahead while you're thinking clearly so something like this doesn't happen again.
Like, when you said you'd get the check, you kinda "took it on" but by not writing yourself a reminder, you kinda didn't accept responsibiliy for taking it on.... know what I mean?

I know I can't remember, so, I have note writing programmed into my life as a normal coping strategy. Most of my friends have realized they are note dependant too. We joke about it.
But know it's a serious part of taking care of ourselves. Cover our own *** as it were...... no need to be tempted into the blame game trap. Know what I mean jelly bean?

I have a little electronic gizmo in my purse that will let me do grocery lists, etc. Good place for to do lists. It has an alarm also. Pick them up for about 10 bucks at Wally World.
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its not ur fault. Its his check let him get it.