[LoveHopeStrength14]

I'm beginning to think that I made the wrong choice to date again and bad thing is it is my best friend that I'm dating. Its been 5 months since my last relationship and it was an intense love and hate relationship. My bestfriend I confessed to one another that we've liked one another and lets give dating a try. We were hesitant bc its a big risk to make bc the friendship will never be the same again.

I've been thinking about it and I'm starting to get nervous bc I haven't yet moved on from the heartache and I don't want the long friendship I've had to pay for the past. I don't miss my exbf but it was such an intense heartache that I haven't moved on from that and i don't want my friend to pay for the emotional baggage.

I feel so horrible bc my bestfriend is so happy that we are giving this dating a try and now I'm going to disappointment him.

[odoyle]

Does this have anything to do with the post you made last night where you asked the forum if they would date someone who is unemployed?

If I may give my honest opinion, I think that your best friend said something that triggered a memory of your ex-boyfriend and now you are having second thoughts.

Everyone needs some time to heal after a bad relationship. But there is no set amount of time where you will be "okay" and ready to date again. No matter how long you wait, the next guy you date is inevitably going to do something that will in some way remind you of your ex. Why? Because that's just how we are. After we've been hurt, we put our guard up. And our subconsious is always on the lookout for red flags, to try and keep us from getting hurt again.

What I'm trying to say, is that if you give up on your best friend now, you might be doing it for the wrong reasons. So he mentioned that he doesn't like his job. So what? That doesn't mean he's just like your ex. That doesn't mean he's going to quit, and sponge off of you for the rest of his life.

Try talking to him about it. Be honest. If he's your best friend, he probably already knows what your ex was like. Surely you talked to him and cried on his shoulder a few times. Tell him that what he said made you feel uneasy, and that you will never allow yourself to be trapped in that kind of situation again. Be absolutely clear about what your limits are.

[Leed]

Why not be honest and tell him that you may have jumped the gun -- that maybe you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship so soon after the last one because you haven't healed yet. You and he can always pick up where you left off, but for now it might be best to "take a break" until you feel more sure of yourself.

If the feelings you have for each other are genuine, this "break" shouldn't take too much of a toll on you. You can still be friends, but just back off on the dating for awhile. Sounds like you don't need any more emotional pressure right now.

Best of luck & take care. Hugs, Lee

[LoveHopeStrength14]

Odoyle-

Yes you're right... sigh....
It brought back alot of emotions and memories when he would talk about wanting to quit, walk out of his work, being fired etc....

I went through so much heartache and burden with my exbf and I don't have it in me anymore to go through that. When I realized that the heartache were still there and realized that I havent yet moved on from the heartache and the hurt felt so raw still I knew then that I'm not ready for a new relationship.

My guard is up bc I can't go through it again. How I saw myself back then when I was in that last relationship was: a dying tree. I held the relationship up, I kept strong for the both of us but I was being drained of my energy and I was slowing wilting away.

Thank you Odoyle for noticing my other post I appreciate that. For awhile there I wasn't getting any help from anyone and I felt so alone.

[odoyle]

Originally Posted by LoveHopeStrength14

Thank you Odoyle for noticing my other post I appreciate that. For awhile there I wasn't getting any help from anyone and I felt so alone.

You're very welcome, and no, you're not alone.

[amity]

Hi,,i think you need to focus on the positive aspect of the whole matter,try to think only about how you got out of the relationship which was wilting you...surely you did not like it & you will be happier once you have got over the heartache--it takes time...but help yourself to heal...it is in your hands...don't think melancholy thoughts...reading the post below will help you
"Choose to be happy " http://jeeterah.blogspot.com

[amity]

Hi,i hope you feel better & better as days go by....sometimes it gives solace to believe in the old adage that "whatever happens,happens for the good"...trust me it has been proven right so many times...in any case it does pacify the mind when it is in turmoil
About that post-sorry it was my slip..the correct link is "Choose to be happy" http://jeeteraho.blogspot.com
Good night & lol .