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#1
Nov 25, 2011, 09:15 PM
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Hi guys this may sound like a stypid question, but i have not heard from my ex affair partner for a couple of days and wonder if i am over reacting if he wants nothing more to do with me etc.
We are currently still friends and he is going through a really hard time! Here is some background. Recently after an incident involving his wife of which they had a fight she put the kids in the car and he pursued and they proceeded to bumb into each other, she lost control of the car, the police were called and he was arrested. he already had an AVO on him and was not allowed to threaten or intimitate her. However, they had reconcile and where getting along swell. Anyway the court has forbidden him from having any contact with her or the children, plus there is a possibility of him going to jail. Perhaps i am over reacting, but he has just stopped talking to me in the past. I know these are big issues and perhaps he does not feel like talking to anyone. Can someone help offer some advice, as i love him alot and this is killing me! |
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#2
Nov 26, 2011, 09:43 AM
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Sorry sweetie, but if he is married and has children and they are trying to work it out, you need to step back. You really shouldn't pursue another woman's husband. Go out and have some fun, meet someone who isn't married.
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 tattoogirl33
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#3
Nov 26, 2011, 07:50 PM
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Quote:
And was just worried about him as he is not answer my calls? texts and he was in a really emotional black hole, last time we spoke. so was more wondering if its normal for men in particular to retreat and stop talking. |
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#4
Nov 26, 2011, 08:07 PM
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I feel he may be taking a step back himself.. Give him time and LOTS of space. He is more likely to contact you sooner if you just go on with your life as if he didn't exist. That's the only way he'll see how much he misses you. Good luck..
__________________
Psoriatic Arthritis, Borderline Personality Disorder, and about a 100 other things. 
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| lexie86
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#5
Nov 26, 2011, 08:36 PM
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My bf does this when life gets rough (he suffers from depression) I've learned that he needs his space during these times and just leave him be and wait until he texts to say the sun is shining again. It was SUPER hard at first but knowing that i'm helping by giving him the space he needs... Just wanted to say i empathize and yes, some men do this...
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| lexie86
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#6
Nov 26, 2011, 09:53 PM
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I have read all your threads about this man, I was first going to answer with something else. But after reading all your threads I think I have a clearer picture.
After having been in an abusive marriage myself., I get the cycle. But what I want to ask you is why? Why do you want to be with an abusive man? Essentially getting your self into an abusive relationship? I know you said you don't understand why his wife would want to stay in a relationship with this man, being as abusive as he has been, they have both been. But why do you want to be with him too?? Personally I think you should be thankful you havnt heard from him and try to move on. You could do alot better. You could find soomeone who isn't abusive, isn't facing jail time, and who isn't married. I really think you should consider this option instead. |
| lexie86, lynn P., Typo
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#7
Nov 26, 2011, 10:43 PM
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i honestly dont know why i want to be with him! he has good parts, but more often then not lately the bad parts have been wining out over the good. maybe i think i can be the one to save him, or i just dont know how to let go! Or maybe im angry at myself that he gets to do this to me again and i let him! I quess in someways i feel like the biggest fool on the planet because all i want to do is be there for him and help him, i though when you loved someone you supported them through the hard times.
I guess im mad because i let him do it to me again, and he told me to have faith in him and once i did and let down my walls again this happens. i do worry about him though and try to emphasize with his pain! |
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#8
Nov 28, 2011, 02:44 PM
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I understand, but really you can't save him. If this is the way he behaves with his wife and children then I dare say it's only a matter of time before he behaves this way with you too unless he is activly seeking help on his own.
The way he is treating you now fall under somewhat emotional abuse. Keeping you on the line, appearing, disappearing. I really think you need to give yourself a break from him for a while and just work on you, without guilt. Because as sad as it is to say he doesn't sound like he is putting you first by any means. Work on yourself, your self esteem, self love, set some guidelines of what you want in a relationship, qualities you are looking for or need. And then stick to them. I know it's hard but you really have to ask yourself if you indeed want all this mess. And if you choose to stick it out, do so under the assumption that things very well may not change. |
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#9
Nov 28, 2011, 08:31 PM
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Thanks. Today is a really hard day as was yesterday i find myself calling him up just so i can hear his voice on message bank as i know he will not answer as he wont even return any of my texts.
i quess in a away it is amotional abuse because he knows how much this hurts me and what it did to me last time and he does not care, the only perosn he as ever looked out for is himself. i will probaly enver hear form him, as he had his fun got me wrapped back around his little finger again and now it is time to just throw me away again. for soemone that said they loved me, im stating to think that every single word out of his mouth has been a lie. |
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