[lexie86]

Hi guys this might sound like a stupid question, but over a week ago my ex boyfriend, we were potentially going to get back togther as we both still love one another but things have been very complicated over the last few months ( well i assume he loves me), stopped talking to me suddenly like literally dropped off the planet he stopped answering my calls and texts everything.



So i just assumed he did not want anything more to do with me as anyone would.



Some background on my ex he is currently separated from his wife and because of legal isssues is not able to see his children. So as there is in any breakup you have the grief from a breakup/ potential end of a marriage and then the pain of not being able to see your children, and there is another issue in that he may go to jail lose his job f he does and his house etc, which is causing alot of stress too i assume.



Ok so on Saturday i sent a text to my ex boyfriend saying that i was going to leave him be, and that i hoped life treated him kindly etc.



On Tuesday i recieved a repy:
It said dear Me: I realise that you think i have dissed you! and you hate my guts, and yes still alive, but i am in a terrible place and have needed to be by myself, and you were right it is just me. I do look now and realise that i should have just said i needed space insted of shutting you out. yes that is my bad and i will wear it. I understand you letting me go as all i seem to do is hurt you, im not proud that i have done it. I also guess that four days can change a persons feelings unfortunately i dont have that ability. so i hope life gives you a good go as well, you are beautiful and have alot to offer the world. i would like to think that i was your friend but looking back that is hard to say.

love him

ps rememeber you are a good no great person who offers everything and who doesnt expect anything in return! and you ahve so much to live or etc.



I sent back saying that he should have just told me, and that i said those things because i thought he had dissed me and that i was going to keep trying to be his friend.

I sent a another text apoligising as i should have known that was why he was ignoring me, because when he cant handle things has shut down and has ignored me before because it was too much stress in his life or something like that.

he has not replied to any of my texts and i have left voice messages as well ( yes i know stalker)



Its like all those time i forgave him and he cannot even forgive me once, its like im being punished.



What do you guys think have I ruined everything and he never wants to speak to me again, and all i wanted to do was make everything better for him, and now ive lost him.
Or maybe its same problem he just needs time, i dont know.
What should i do?

Im asking for an objective opinion, as i am literally so scared that he has stopped loving me and will never speak to me again. can you just stop loving someone if you do not see them for long time and maybe he will realise he never loved me at all.

what should i do, what do you think is going on insde his head?
Is it normal for people who are going through alot of stress and grief to isolate people out of there lives?

[Flooded]

Yanno, a red flag has gone up in my head regarding him not being able to see his kids. I'm not sure of the law where you are but the only reasons over here for that to happen is abuse of some kind.

Anyway, it sounds too involved and far too complicated for me so I'd run and never look back.

[Direction]

I read the first few lines...yeah red flag on not able to see children, not officially divorced, possible jail sentence...I stopped reading after that...

[lad007]

He said you are a great person, and hopes you will look at him as a friend, and wishes you well, your romantic relationship has ended.

[IceCreamKid]

I think you deserve better than a married man who should be focusing on his children and his wife. His not contacting you or contacting you isn't really about you; in these 'relationships' the married person holds all the cards and dangles the possibility of a relationship as a means of controlling the situation and having cake and eating it too. Of course some people really are trapped in sad situations with spouses who refuse to divorce them or spouses who are in comas and need the health insurance coverage. But the fact remains that a married lover isn't free and single people deserve the chance of building a solid exclusive relationship without interfering in someone else's marriage. I'm convinced that the reason why people have problems in these kind of 'relationships' is because these kind of relationships are problems.

[lexie86]

clarifying the friend thing, when i let him a message i said that i had been a friend to him and that he had never been one to me.
when i say friend its not the same as me being friends with one of my girlfriends etc.

Plus, the purpose o this post was to have people ok at things objectvely without considering the back story as well, but there always seems to be red flads.

[Confusedinomicon]

Sometimes the heart is wrong.

I feel like you still hold some feelings and desires to be with this guy. I read a couple of the previous topics you've written about him at various times and he has given you a lot of heartache. But sometimes love sees past that and attempts to hold onto the good traits of the person, essentially ignoring the bad. It can even get to the point of knowing their bad traits, but denying them. I think you are actively denying there were/are any problems in this situation. I also think you can heal, despite the empty feelings associated with the 'break-up'. You really need to stay strong because you deserve better.

Think of it this way. Would you want your friend to experience this too?

Good luck.

[lexie86]

hmm no i would not wish this on anyone and if i was honest and a friend was in this position i would tell them that they deserve better, years from now he will regret how he treated you he just cannot see it yet, or maybe he wont, but that wont matter by then as it will all be a dstant memory. The truth is no one wanted to take control of the situation, not him and not her, though im the youngest of us three it has to be me. that and i have no other choice as he is too consumed with his own problems, and thinks that being by himself is what he needs. i not talking about being back in a relationship wth him now, but i did want to be there for him, i know we could never just be friends because the love i feel for him is more romantic than plutonic.

I just have to accept that he wants nothing more to do with me, its been over a week and i have heard nothing.
so i have to assume that when he sent that message he was just obsolving his guilt etc.

i just wanted to know if maybe there was a chance that because of all the stress in his life, as i would assume the possibilty o going to jail, missing your children and not being able to see them, plus the separation from her is all stressful stuations and that he literally just cannot take it anymore so i am the one paying the price by him ignoring me, and that he may re-emerege and talk to me again, but i have to give up that hope now, as its proably not gong to happen and move on, and just go on existing and fake it until i make it.

i guess i wanted an objective view without people looking at what i had written about him in the past, but tha past makes people who they are and there is a whole history behind this etc.

sorry if that confuses everyone.
thanks

[Flooded]

I had no idea what you had written about him before I saw this post and I stand by my previous post. It's dangerous territory and I'd warn my worst enemy away from it.

[Flooded]

Now that I've read a few of your threads, you'd honestly be a fool to have anything to do with him.
Those poor, poor kiddies

[lexie86]

Hi Flooded so i guess even without previous knowledge red flags are still coming up.
Thanks for response