[dusty9838]

It's been a month already since she left me after 10 years and I still feel like everyday is a struggle and I have my moments where I feel "ok" or "numb"... I'm completely cut off from her and there is no one for me to talk to and it's killing me inside.

Right now I feel so alone and the despair and depression that is on me is just so much right now... I wish I didn't feel this way and I don't know what to do to get better. I just have to take this and hopefully become stronger because of it.

It hurts so much...

[Caretaker Leo]

hugs to you dusty. You are on the roller-coaster that happens when a long-term relationship ends. (Been there, done it).

I hope you have some friends IRL who can provide some support to you as you go through this. Also hope you know there are many of us here in PC who will offer you support.

It will get better. It does take time.

[dusty9838]

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

hugs to you dusty. You are on the roller-coaster that happens when a long-term relationship ends. (Been there, done it).

I hope you have some friends IRL who can provide some support to you as you go through this. Also hope you know there are many of us here in PC who will offer you support.

It will get better. It does take time.

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my post... your kind words mean a lot.

[Hearty]

Hey...I'm sorry your hurting so much, but a month is a very short amount of time to get over the loss of a long-term (10 year!) relationship. I know it hurts like ####ing hell... I'm sure you see her everywhere, and nowhere, and feel completely lost at times, but you will recover from this...you just have to wait it out. It sucks, but there's no way to bypass all the stages of mourning...without letting time slowly heal you.

I've been in and out of love, I don't know how many times...where I'd thought I'd die from the excruciating pain (I'm bpd). After trying any and all vices to speed the recovery, I discovered what helped me the most was hard physical activity...for me, that's skiing, cycling and running. Do you like any outdoor activities? Oh, and also, traveling helped, too...spending time in new places where I had no memories of the person. You don't have to go far - just somewhere new.

I don't know what transpired in your relationship, but sometimes it just wasn't meant to be...there will be someone better for you in the future. There always is. For now, you have to focus on taking care of yourself.

No matter how it feels now, you will get over this with time...But I have a feeling you already know this...yes? Just keep telling yourself that "it", too, will pass... And it will...('til the next time...sorry, just kidding.)

[faerie_moon_x]

I know how it feels and that feeling that there is no one to talk to.

I know it is hard but you can only take one day at a time, and I know it is cliche but in time things will get better. It is better to take the time to heal up. Spend time with your friends or family when you can and try to keep busy with things you enjoy doing. Maybe even look for a new hobby if you can. Allowing time to get away from you will help the healing.

[dusty9838]

Originally Posted by morningcalm

Hey...I'm sorry your hurting so much, but a month is a very short amount of time to get over the loss of a long-term (10 year!) relationship. I know it hurts like ####ing hell... I'm sure you see her everywhere, and nowhere, and feel completely lost at times, but you will recover from this...you just have to wait it out. It sucks, but there's no way to bypass all the stages of mourning...without letting time slowly heal you.

I've been in and out of love, I don't know how many times...where I'd thought I'd die from the excruciating pain (I'm bpd). After trying any and all vices to speed the recovery, I discovered what helped me the most was hard physical activity...for me, that's skiing, cycling and running. Do you like any outdoor activities? Oh, and also, traveling helped, too...spending time in new places where I had no memories of the person. You don't have to go far - just somewhere new.

I don't know what transpired in your relationship, but sometimes it just wasn't meant to be...there will be someone better for you in the future. There always is. For now, you have to focus on taking care of yourself.

No matter how it feels now, you will get over this with time...But I have a feeling you already know this...yes? Just keep telling yourself that "it", too, will pass... And it will...('til the next time...sorry, just kidding.)

Yea I do bodybuilding so when I can I get back to the gym and try to get back on my routine... but lately it's as if I can't keep my mind focused on anything. It's like I don't want to sit down or stand up... I don't want to lay down or get up and move around... I just don't want to do anything... but I have been forcing myself to try and get back to my regular routine but my diet is all screwed up (either undereating/overeating) and that effects my energy and endurance in the gym because like I said I had an established routine.

I guess I just have to remind myself that this is recent and I have to grieve... it's just so hard to cope... I'm glad (and saddened) that others are and have went through this so I don't feel quite as alone.

Thanks for your kind words

[dusty9838]

Originally Posted by dark_heart_x

I know how it feels and that feeling that there is no one to talk to.

I know it is hard but you can only take one day at a time, and I know it is cliche but in time things will get better. It is better to take the time to heal up. Spend time with your friends or family when you can and try to keep busy with things you enjoy doing. Maybe even look for a new hobby if you can. Allowing time to get away from you will help the healing.

Thanks dark_heart_x,

I am definately taking it a day at a time... when it first happened I don't even remember the first week I think I was in shock or something... then the depression came on so heavily I was floored and couldn't even do anything except feel the pain. I'm trying to muster up the motivation and energy to get myself back to life but right now it's still too hard and I just wish I could fast forward or something...

Speaking of hobby... that's what I've been thinking lately how I could find something to keep my mind occupied on weekends... I'll have to think a little more about that and hopefully find something. Thank you

[needfixing]

i am so sorry your going thru this. (((hugs)))
keep on writing out your feelings, and don't feel like your alone.
take this time to find yourself, do things that you put on hold, or spend more time with friends and family.

[dusty9838]

Originally Posted by needfixing

i am so sorry your going thru this. (((hugs)))
keep on writing out your feelings, and don't feel like your alone.
take this time to find yourself, do things that you put on hold, or spend more time with friends and family.

Thank you needfixing ((hugs)) back

I am writing out my feelings, not only on here, but also in my journal... it does help somewhat and sadly enough I'm writing them out as if maybe one day she'll come back into my life and read them so she'll know what kind of pain I was in without her... I'm a mess aren't I?

[roads]

Originally Posted by dusty9838

I'm writing them out as if maybe one day she'll come back into my life and read them so she'll know what kind of pain I was in without her... I'm a mess aren't I?

Not a mess. Pretty normal. Given that the other usual option is angry/bitter, your mode seems the better one.

I'd suggest though (from experience) that pretty soon you might want to acknowledge in your journal the possibility that she might not come back. Only the possibility. If you don't make room for that soon, you are setting yourself up for real heartbreak later.

Since it's only a possibility we're talking about, there's no self-fulfilling prophecy here. If she comes back, the possibility is instantly forgotten.

I'm glad you're posting here. We all think you'll survive this, & we want you to be better equipped for the next time. Life is a process--we're here to upgrade the ride!

Take care.

[emptybee15]

I completely ditto everything MorningCalm said.

I went through a bad breakup with no support system and it was AWFUL. It still affects the trust I have in any relationships. It's funny how one person can throw you completely off.

You WILL get over HER though, maybe not what happened depending on what it was, but her. So, I wish you the best!

[needfixing]

no your not a mess, your in the grieving stages.
there will come a day when your pain will go away, and the good memories you had with her will be just that a memory.

[Hearty]

Originally Posted by dusty9838

...but lately it's as if I can't keep my mind focused on anything. It's like I don't want to sit down or stand up... I don't want to lay down or get up and move around... I just don't want to do anything...

Originally Posted by dusty9838

...sadly enough I'm writing them out as if maybe one day she'll come back into my life and read them so she'll know what kind of pain I was in without her... I'm a mess aren't I?

No, you're not a mess. You're going through a massive loss. And you're in the midst of the hardest stage.

Believe it or not...you're doing much better than I ever did. Even with my countless experience with relationships, my last "heartbreak" had me in bed for -over a year. I isolated myself in pain...I couldn't, didn't want to talk. But you're expressing your feelings and reaching out to others for help (and also, to help).

This is huge...considering that you're dealing with a loss of "a third of your life" relationship. Know that you're in the most painful place of mourning now. The rest of it will become more manageable once you move from this. (Myself --I'm still in recovery...but finally able to get out and enjoy physical activities on some rare days...)

Just do what you can to take care of yourself - when you can (every bit helps)...and I'm sure you will to come out of this way stronger than before.

[dusty9838]

Originally Posted by morningcalm

No, you're not a mess. You're going through a massive loss. And you're in the midst of the hardest stage.

Believe it or not...you're doing much better than I ever did. Even with my countless experience with relationships, my last "heartbreak" had me in bed for -over a year. I isolated myself in pain...I couldn't, didn't want to talk. But you're expressing your feelings and reaching out to others for help (and also, to help).

This is huge...considering that you're dealing with a loss of "a third of your life" relationship. Know that you're in the most painful place of mourning now. The rest of it will become more manageable once you move from this. (Myself --I'm still in recovery...but finally able to get out and enjoy physical activities on some rare days...)

Just do what you can to take care of yourself - when you can (every bit helps)...and I'm sure you will to come out of this way stronger than before.

I'm sorry your heartbreak has kept you down for so long... I sometimes want to just give up and not do anything... I wake up with all this extreme sadness and it's hard to push it away.

I'm glad that you are able to get out more and enjoy physical activities, that's definately a good thing.

This year just has been a huge pain in my life. The beginning of the year I lost my grandmother (who was also like my mom who raised me when my mom couldn't), my best and only friend is too busy with his life and new girlfriend so I don't have him around to hang with... then she leaves me after so long.

Thank you so much for your caring and understanding posts... they really do help to read from someone who truly understands how painful heartbreak can be... you keep taking care of yourself too!