Realizing the truth that hurts...

Sound like he is not a good husband...I think you should give this guy his papers....I really don't see why people get married and let the flame die...I just hope when i find that woman that we could make each other fall in love with each other everyday...

This is all a recent thing. I don't want to divorce anyone. Some days he is normal. Other days not. I just don't know.... Like that same day I got home and he was totally normal and wanted to spend time with me and set up doing activities together regularly again like we used to.

Maybe it is just me and I'm having sever paranoia.... I just want things to be normal. I've been having so many episodes for months now, I don't know how much I can trust my mind. I do have a history of delusions.

Dark Heart...what is it that you love about this man? I want to make sure that is really is love that you feel and not fear of abandonment or of being alone. I'm not sure that I could love someone I didn't trust and who made me feel this bad this often. I've been in your shoes...not for the same reasons, but because I was with someone who didn't treat me as well as I really should have been treated. I didn't end the relationship because I said "But, I love him." Now, ten years later, I realize that I really didn't want to go through the pain of missing him or starting something new or of being alone. Ironcially, he and I stayed friends...he reminisces about our relationship and has even suggested that he has never felt the same about anyone since me....but, guess what? I did end the relationship, I dealt with the loneliness and getting back into the dating scene. When he brings up stuff like that...I feel totally confused because I don't have the same thoughts at all...I'm sure I love him as a person, but not the way I thought I did when I was in fear of losing something.

No one understands because it has only been going on since August. >.< And only because he made new friends. Six years vs. 5 months. Please stop

I can't ask anyone for help because no one understands! Please stop!

I apologize for not understanding your position. I'm very sorry for not paying better attention. Since this is a recent thing, maybe just wait it out a bit longer to see if his fascination with his online friends wears off a bit. Sometimes couples just need some time on their own...online, playing sports, having outside friends. I think some of us are just concerned at your level of pain and want to let you know that we'd be upset by the situation as well. You're not crazy to be hurt or concerned by his behavior, that's all.

I'm curious about something that is not related to your husband at all...You said that "It always makes me nervous when someone says I did a good job." Maybe you'd feel comfortable talking a bit more about that?

Like yesterday a lady at work said I understand the scheduling system as much as she does. She is the head of the scheduling system training department and my superiors are attempting to make an upheaval that will be disasterious but they tell me I'm being negative. So this trainer was trying to set up a meeting so everyone would understand and for sure wanted me at the meeting. But my superiors do not want me at the meeting because they think I'm a terrible employee and completely incompitent. So after my being told I do a good job it was instantly changed to I do a horrible job. That's why.

Hmmm...sounds as if you are seeing some potential problems, and they're not being open minded enough to shift gears to honestly look at the issues you're concerned with. I've had that problem at work myself but tried to change my approach a bit to be less negative and make it sound more like I wanted things to be as good as possible by suggesting some additional things they could think about...If they ignore my suggestions, it's kind of their problem, not mine, right?

Actually the lady that validated my concerns told me I wasn't being negative at all, just logical and realistic. You see, I have not been considered intelligant at my job for over two years, and anyone who validates me is quickly silenced. You may think this is paranoia, but sadly it isn't. I was a fool and informed my superiors of my biplar when I was diagnosed, thinking that I could get some accomidations due to worsening problems I am having with my illness. Instead it put a huge target on my back. I'm written up regularly for problems that are directly resulted of my illness, which I keep a record of all these things in my medicle chart. So, my stress level is very high, and I'm always just waiting for the shoe to drop.... That's just life.

Have you checked to see if you're protected unde the Americans with Disabilities Act? If so, I thought that, by law, they are required to provide you with reasonable accommodation and are prohibited from punishing you for any real or perceived issues associated with your illness. I'm sure you've already spoken with your H.R. Department about this, so I hope they know that you're aware of your rights. Maybe there are some employment lawyers on this forum or discussion topics on the ADA and mental illnesses that can help you out with making sure your employer is following the rules.