intimidated

Im coming to the conclusion that i am probably not gay, but not perfectly straight either. I believe this is the proper background for answering this problem i have....

i get intimidated by women when sex is involved. This is not so much an issue when the girl is someone i feel very strongly for, in which case sex is frequent and easy. I find myself not able, willing, or not comfortable with letting most people get close to me. Friends or girls.

The thought of sex seems to get ahead of my emotions, in that i fear sex more than i let myself feel in the moment. I am afraid of failing at sex, of not being able to get aroused for such an act. There is something along these lines that keeps me afraid and not wanting to let myself be vulnerable....yet certain girls transcend this fear in me, and sex is amazing and passionate. other times it seems pointless. how much of an effect does ones emotions effect this? it just seems like most other guys on tv or in the world or whatever, that the norm, is that guys just have sex all the time with any girl they see.

i dont see myself falling into this category anymore, it seems pointless without the feelings behind it.

maybe ive answered my own question, that i need to feel emotional and not think about sex, and then i will find myself wanting it.

discuss.

I think many men experience this. They are afraid that they won't perform well enough and actually become of afraid of having sex at all. The media often makes us believe that most guys out there are, so to speak, "ready, willing, and able." Women also suffer from this fear.

I think that you are a very sensitive man and that if you focus on your emotions you will do better to be more comfortable, but I know that's not easy. Maybe the personalities of some women may be intimidating, also.

For me, someone who is very head-strong, stubborn, or who has a strong personality often terrifies me. I try to go with people, men and women, who are softer and sweet, if ya know what I mean. That may help you, also.

I hope this helps some.

yes it does. focusing on my fear makes my fear real, much like life istelf. nothing exists unless we imagine it does. so i will need to focus on my emotions.

where in pa btw?

I think you know the real answer on this. I don't think you are gay at all from what I just read. Intimacy is the most amazing part of making love. That is what you describe. Sex is just that...sex...making love is the entire experience with the intimacy...you feeling the love that flows so to speak.

and what if i cant feel.

That's a tough one, James. I think I understand what you're asking. I don't have this problem, myself, but somehow your post is resonating with me.

Remind me what your self-care entails? Therapy? Meds?

Depression definitely can cause your feelings to flatten out. You have a lot of questions without answers - that has GOT to be really frustrating. A good T can help you sort through all of that and take the issues one at a time.

Are you doing any of that already?

i have a t. he will be terminated shortly, its less effective than me talking to myself.

i got started on 25mg zoloft and 25mg serequel. i notice im less nervous around people and can hold down a conversation and speak my mind, really a sense of not feeling worried around people/during conversation. not girls though, ha...

im not really desiring anything intimate, i guess not consciously at least. it didnt use to be like this. i actually tracked the biggest changes in my emotions to when i moved from my home state some 600 miles away for college. after that, things slowly went down hill.