[jaypop30]

I am begining to think relationships are a #@$%^&* joke, but for some reason I still hold on to the fact that I will be able to find the one that fits. Tell me something why the hell cant people just be comfortable with the other person? Why can't the except them for who they are and love them? I have always loved the one I was with and everthing the are. the posative and negative, But have never found that person that can just except me for who I am.

[kaliope]

relationships are complicated. everybody carries their own baggage. i wouldnt necessarily blame it on the other person for not accepting me, but their own crap making them incapable of being open to healthily function in a relationship. i gave up on relationships a long time ago because i felt i couldnt find somebody to accept me. i thought i was too damaged, that i wasnt worthy of love. i thought if i could find someone to accept me for who i was it would mean that i was worthy. i only attracted controlling abusive men. it just wasnt worth it to me any more. i would be better off alone than to deal with that anymore. i would be open to a relationship now but it scares me. i want happiness and that has never happened in a relationship before. am i healthy enough to do it? i have always given my all and not gotten that in return. im like you. why cant someone just love and accept me for who i am?

[jaypop30]

Originally Posted by kaliope

relationships are complicated. everybody carries their own baggage. i wouldnt necessarily blame it on the other person for not accepting me, but their own crap making them incapable of being open to healthily function in a relationship. i gave up on relationships a long time ago because i felt i couldnt find somebody to accept me. i thought i was too damaged, that i wasnt worthy of love. i thought if i could find someone to accept me for who i was it would mean that i was worthy. i only attracted controlling abusive men. it just wasnt worth it to me any more. i would be better off alone than to deal with that anymore. i would be open to a relationship now but it scares me. i want happiness and that has never happened in a relationship before. am i healthy enough to do it? i have always given my all and not gotten that in return. im like you. why cant someone just love and accept me for who i am?

glad to hear that I am not alone on this feeling. I could understand how it would be their issue, but it doesn't help when there person you fall in love with hurts you. I wish I could be one of those people that could just write people off. not because I am emotionally unattached but because I know how to protect myself from that

[Trippin2.0]

I gave up too... Way too much effort, of me trying to keep my *quirks* in check and at a manageable level only to be rejected in the end bcoz I'm too much to deal with. Between being beaten up by 1 guy and the other (who was supposedly a close friend) jumping ship without warning, I've given up on being accepted as is, it was but a pipe dream... It doesn't even make me sad anymore.

[faerie_moon_x]

I believe that a lot of it is that most people are not raised to be equiped to be in relationships the way humans are intended to be. Humans are social animals. We depend on each other for survival. If we were still cave men we'd live in small little tribes and everyone would have their job and we'd all take care of each other as a unit.

But society preaches "independance." At some levels, yes, we all must be independant. We must each be aware which berry's are poison and how to catch a fish if we get seperated from the group. But we are not meant to drag ourselves through the hell of life with no one to lean on.

Human contact and connection and love is actually a need. It is a proven fact that if you take a baby, and keep it clean and fed and basically "physically healthy," but you do not cuddle with the baby, or talk and play with it, the baby not thrive and die. So the drive to be with someone, to be loved and cared for, is actually a need as much as water or food. That's the nature side.

The problem is, on the nurture side, I think you're right, people do not know how to love properly. We do not teach proper love, respect, and caretaking of others. More and more society is geared toward "me." This is fun for me. This is interesting to me. This is mine. Look at the healthcare debate in the USA. So many people are not interested in the health and well being of others. Until the problem effects them, then they do not care. That's a massive scale.

But you bring that down to a personal level and I think you find the people who give their all and can accept their family/friends/partner for who those people are good and bad. But many more who only want to get and not give... or who don't want to deal with someone who has "issues."

I know that if my current relationship were to end, I am not interested in another one. I already have a very limited social circle concerning friends for the same reason. In health care they ask about your "support system" of friends and family. I would say probably the majority of people don't have one, or they think they do but when things go bad they learn the truth.

[Scotty204]

Relationships mean alot of work. After being in 2 bad ones myself with controlling women I strongly feel like giving up myself sometimes.

[lynn P.]

I also feel pessimistic about relationships too, after being burned badly in my marriage after 30 yrs of knowing him. I don't know how to trust again but I wish I could.

I have a teeny spark of hope that lives inside me. I mean you need the Hubble Telescope to actually see the tiny spark.

But I feel as if I need to work on myself first and get to a good (better) place before I put myself out there.

I hope I will be better equipped and a much better version of me, so I can handle anything that comes my way (let's face it. relationships are not always picnics in the park )

It's funny (interesting), though, because I am starting to think I would have NEVER been with the men I was with had I been a healthier version of me (not to say they weren't wonderful, because they were. I loved them very much and thought the world of them).

As for timing...I have no idea. I guess I'll know it's the right time when I think, "hey, I am going to go out".

[unaluna]

Rose, I thought you were saying you needed the HUBBY telescope to find the right guy - I need new glasses!

[AshleyG77]

I am also in the same boat. I am truly mystified by how one human being can treat another without considering their feelings. I am currently going through a big challenge of letting go of someone who I thought would stand by me. This person was my friend, my confidant, and my safety net. He showed his true colors last week and even though I have apologized for my role in the "fight", he won't even talk to me at all. It's extremely difficult to let go, and I just don't understand why I even care anymore.

I'd like to say I believe in a loving, strong relationship that survives the darkest moments, but I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe I will just get another dog.

[jaypop30]

Originally Posted by AshleyG77

I am also in the same boat. I am truly mystified by how one human being can treat another without considering their feelings. I am currently going through a big challenge of letting go of someone who I thought would stand by me. This person was my friend, my confidant, and my safety net. He showed his true colors last week and even though I have apologized for my role in the "fight", he won't even talk to me at all. It's extremely difficult to let go, and I just don't understand why I even care anymore.

I'd like to say I believe in a loving, strong relationship that survives the darkest moments, but I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe I will just get another dog.

I am thinking on getting a dog to LOL. At least they are loyal no mater what.

[Melancolic]

I had it made clear no matter how much someone said they liked me whether made them smile and laugh. Wanting me around, enjoys my company, considers me there best friend, tells me they imagine spending rest of there life with me, it was never true or meant anything. I was just a joke. Laughed at for thinking i was ever going to be seen as more than a friend. Just because they told me and showed me? How wrong i got it each time, yes pathetic enough to let it happen everytime.
Having feelings that another could reciprcate, was stupid.
Believing one day i might experience companionship, i was obviously a delusional.
If i want someone to prend they care but treat me like **** i could see my family.
Have learnt where i belong and what happens if forget it.

[PsychGirl123]

Relationships are messy, complicated, can't be such a f'n drag, and can suck the life out of you, ruin you, change you for the worse... or they can become the best thing you've ever experienced, bring you joy and laughter, marriage, children, and a lifetime of happiness. And you know what? I have good news for you. The reason you hold on to the fact that you'll be able to find a relationship that fits is because YOU WILL! And I believe that in saying that, you know and believe that is true.

The fact that something didn't work out is merely a sign that the relationship wasn't meant to be, and wasn't right for you. We all get angry and have our differences, and sometimes we don't accept our partners actions, and this can often be misconstrued as a lack of acceptance. Other times, the person is a bad fit. That doesn't mean you are a bad person, but just that you weren't right for the other person, and they weren't right for you. It can be painful to realize this, but you know what? It's ok. I promise! Things will get better.

Sometimes we subconsciously look for traits in our partners that we ourselves wish to be or that are familiar to us for unhealthy reasons we don't understand... For (a bad) example, children of alcoholics who end up marrying alcoholics. Of course those children don't WANT to marry alcoholics, but they are drawn to those damaged personalities, people that they want to change, and fix, to be codependent with... It is a strange thing, isn't it?

Are you happy with yourself? And where you are in your life? Do you have good self esteem and have a fulfilling life as an individual? The best thing you can do is to work on yourself, because only when you are in a happy place with yourself and your life, will you attract someone who is just the same way, and will accept you as you are.

Believe me, I am one messed up cookie, and my bf and i fight and fight over the dumbest crap, but you know what? As screwed up as I am, when I am at my worst, he's there for me and accepts me at my ugliest, and he has never thrown it in my face or told me how messed up I am. He knows that I am this way as a result of pain, and abuse, and so many other things. He may not truly like that I am this way, but he accepts that this is who he is dating right now (until I can get to a better place). Other people I've dated couldn't handle me. Was I angry about that at the time? Sure, but in hindsight, not everyone is prepared for so much crazy and how could I expect them to be? I'm not an easy person to date.

Like Mac said in the movie Juno, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ***. It's true. Think of your ending relationship as your move 1 step closer to the person you are meant to be with. You've learned something, you know what you don't want, what you do want, and will use that knowledge the next time around. Life, love and relationships are a big learning experience, so best to think less about "Why?" and move forward.

Of course sometimes we meet people at low points in our life, and sometimes that can work out, but not everyone is in a place of love or acceptance, and a lot of people need room to grow to be able to accept who they are with, the good the bad and the ugly. But once you are in that better place, you'll also be much more able to recognize someone who is that shallow, and isn't the kind of person you want, from a mile away.

Love is out there for you, just don't go looking for it before you love what you see in the mirror first. The person that knows who they are, and is confident in themselves won't stand for that kind of ***** from anyone.

P.S. I do promote getting a cat, lol. Animals are (relatively) low cost therapy

Originally Posted by jaypop30

I am begining to think relationships are a #@$%^&* joke, but for some reason I still hold on to the fact that I will be able to find the one that fits. Tell me something why the hell cant people just be comfortable with the other person? Why can't the except them for who they are and love them? I have always loved the one I was with and everthing the are. the posative and negative, But have never found that person that can just except me for who I am.

Yes, I have been considering getting a brother for my crazee kitteh!

[Suki22]

go for it, Rose! there are so many kitties that need adoption!

as far as the real topic goes, I feel the same. I feel like I missed my window of opportunity when I was in a better place and thin and young. now my life's too complicated, I'm afraid of being judged and I wonder if true love is out there for me. I'm so jealous of everyone with this S.O.s and children and now it's too late for me (as far as kids for sure). I honestly don't think anyone can accept me for me. they all leave.

[jaypop30]

To be honest I used to have pretty good self esteem more then a couple of years ago but now struggle with the fact do I even like myself. I think alot has to do with the fact that I have loved her for a long time dbut yet she cant except me for who I am in every asspect. I don't want to be changed. No one should change anyone but excedpt them if the love them.

[PsychGirl123]

Change? No. Compromise? Yes, though it all depends on what you want others to accept. If you want someone to accept that you are say, a bad parent, an alcoholic, or irresponsible with money, that's a different story.

But that fact that many of you have low self esteem speaks volumes. Trust me, I have been there. But how can you expect love and acceptance from another when ou do love love and accept yourself? You cant continue to seek approval from others. I'm not going to say that not being accepted doesn't cause a kick in the side, but you can't let it define you or interrupt your life. if it is, the problem is deeper and it starts with YOU.

I hope you all find what you are looking for!

[Trippin2.0]

I'm not looking for anything. I don't have low self-esteem, I'm actually ****ing amazing I'm just done with men and relationships, not worth the effort in my book.