[Music Rules Me]

Kind of X-posted from the depression forum with a few amendments.

So one of my closest friends just told me that he likes me as more than friends.
And so my mind does a word association game type thing and goes to relationships then sex and then what happened last summer.

(last summer I was drugged and raped while at a festival. Only one of my friends knows about it and I havent spoken to anyone else about it apart from over on the depression forum.)

My emotions are all over the place anyway so really it's hard to be remembering something like that on top of everything else.

But I dont want things to be awkward between us because I really can't be dealing with losing a close friend.

But I know that every time I see him, I'm going to be reminded of last summer. So I think that even if he managed to not find things awkward, I'm not going to be able to be around him.

And now I'm just crying and I think I'm going to be sick.

I just hate all this so much. Why can't I just not have any friends? Just be alone in a room forever. At least then I'd have nothing to lose and it wouldnt all hurt so much.

Sorry, just can't deal with this by myself. I know it's not big in the grand scheme of things, and it's not big compared to what some people have gone/are going through, but it still hurts and I have noone else to talk to. xxxxx

[Leed]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's a horrible thing to have to deal with --- and you should NOT try to deal with it alone.

In my opinion, you should be seeing a therapist. If it's at all possible, make an appointment with a good therapist. They can help you learn to cope with this and to put it to rest. It doesn't have to be in the front of your mind all the time --- you CAN learn to bury it, and get on with your life.

Please -- see a therapist. You deserve some peace in your life. God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Open Eyes]

(((((Music Rules Me)))))

I agree with Leed. I am so sorry that you were a victim. But you do not deserve to be that way your whole life Music. You CAN learn to work this out and find ways to get past it and not allow it to disturb the rest of your life.

This guy that is a good friend and now likes you, do you think that you could like him more back aside from struggling with your past? I ask this because after all if this guy is a GOOD friend, it may be someone that can be understanding and helpful, someone you can trust after you get therapy (which you definitely need) to help you address your struggle with being a victim.

This desire for hybernation/isolation, well that is a symptom of PTSD and you truely need help with that, and you CAN get past this. Also, the depression is also a symptom of PTSD and you need to address this, I have been struggling myself and getting better with therapy, so I know that you too can find your way past this.

Please don't hide from A LIFE YOU SO DESERVE because you experienced something so troubling. I hear you, me too, but I want my life back.

(((((Gentle supportive hugs for you))))))
Open Eyes

[Scotty204]

The friend to relationship thing can be awkward no question there it has happened to me many times. You may want to ask yourself is it worth risking a good friend for a relationship? If it doesn't work out can you see yourself still being friends?

[Music Rules Me]

Thanks.
I don't think I can go and see a therapist to be honest. I've struggled with emotions for so long and reached as low points as I am now, if not lower. And if I can't go to see a therapist after about 8 years of not feeling happy, I don't know if I'll ever be able to.

I just am so torn at the moment. He's such a good friend, but I can't see him as anything more. Whether that's due to not being able to think about relationships after the summer's events, or whether it's because I just don't like him in that way, I'm not sure.
But whatever the case is, I feel things are going to be awkward between us.
I already feel that things are being like that, seeing as he hasn't replied to me today when I said "hi" even though he was online (although I do realise that he might need time to deal with me saying that I don't like him as more than a close friend).

This just feels so horrible. xxx

[Open Eyes]

((((Music Rules Me)))))),

Seeing a therapist is not about how long or should have's long ago, or it is too late, or they will think it is too late etc. A therapist is a kind of tool we use when we ARE feeling the way you are describing yourself. So far, you have not been able to sort things out on your own and you are allowing a bad experience to affect your whole life. But this is what happens when we do experience something bad, it does change us, however we can learn to find ways to NOT allow it to continue to affect our ability to be happy in life.

We are designed to learn from the bad things we experience in life and we do that emotionally as well. But this is because we need this in order to thrive and survive as human beings. I often use snakes as an example where if we get bitten by one we then determine that ALL snakes are bad. However, the truth is not all snakes are poisenous and they DO serve a purpose in nature. And because some human beings have studied snake we can learn from them that there are snakes that are truely harmless and here is what to look for when you see snakes.

Well, yes, you did have a very troubling experience Music Rules Me, should not have happened to you and I can't blame you for being troubled by it. However, my therapist told me (I am not sure the exact percentage) that around 71/2% of women experience rape. While that number may seem low when we consider the number of women in the world, that means thousands of women and that is a lot of women (I was druged and date raped too). So the truth is that you are not alone in your personal experience and it certainly should not mean that your life is now not yours to enjoy anymore because not all men are poisenous and you are truely not ruined, you can learn to recover from this. Something bad happened but you can learn from it and continue to survive, even be happy again.

When we experience something bad that we cannot seem to sort out, working with a therapist can take place at any time there is no time limit in seeking help to recover/heal. And we can feel depressed if we cannot find a way on our own to learn how to heal and allow ourselves to be happy again. And we are all designed to have the capacity to learn from the bad and continue on in our lives.

Look, I am not telling you to date this guy or be with him on a different level, the decision is yours. However, what I am telling you is that you need to learn how to go out in the garden of life instead of just thinking that some snake might be in it that might bite you. Because the truth is that yes, there may be a snake in the garden but so many of them are harmless and need to be a part of a healthy beautiful garden. You CAN learn that and allow yourself to go out and enjoy the garden of life again, you really can and truely do deserve to learn just how to do so.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

Music Rules Me,

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown..._to_shame.html

Please listen to this, you definitely deserve to be happy again. I listened to it this morning when di meliora posted it and I think you could benefit from hearing it too.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[lido78]

Hey Music...you don't have to feel bad/guilty if you're no longer comfortable around this friend who now wants something more. It's a risk that one takes to try and convert a friendship into a romantic relationship, and this risk is always that the feelings will not be returned and that the nature of the relationship will change. Some people just handle this differently. I'm like you, I usually feel uncomfortable if a friend admits to feeling more...on the other hand, my sister chooses to feel flattered and just politely tells the guy that she doesn't return the feelings. Your friend made the choice to tell you, and you are not to be blamed if you don't return his feelings....sometimes an awkward situation is just that...awkward, with no one really to blame. Eventually, both you and he will get over it...just let time works its magic with this one.

I'm more concerned that you have not dealt with the rape from last summer and gotten some support from others who have been through the same thing. It's especially hard if you were drugged and may not remember everything that happened. I think that feeling depressed and scared is pretty normal....but, you have to fight a bit to get past those things that are getting in the way of you living your life....a good therapist would be ideal...but do you have at least one friend that you can trust? If not, I think the folks on this site are a good place to start....

[Rmdctc]

I would recommend like everyone else that you see a therapist to work thru this.

If you dont feel safe telling him then I would say hes not the person for you to be in a relationship with because you should feel like you can tell him anything and feel he will be there for you.

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by Music Rules Me

Thanks.
I don't think I can go and see a therapist to be honest. I've struggled with emotions for so long and reached as low points as I am now, if not lower. And if I can't go to see a therapist after about 8 years of not feeling happy, I don't know if I'll ever be able to.

I just am so torn at the moment. He's such a good friend, but I can't see him as anything more. Whether that's due to not being able to think about relationships after the summer's events, or whether it's because I just don't like him in that way, I'm not sure.
But whatever the case is, I feel things are going to be awkward between us.
I already feel that things are being like that, seeing as he hasn't replied to me today when I said "hi" even though he was online (although I do realise that he might need time to deal with me saying that I don't like him as more than a close friend).

This just feels so horrible. xxx

First, I'm sorry what happened. I know that sounds ridiculous since you can't take back what happened but...It will get better. This message up top changed the answer I was going to give you originally. For one, it just sounds like you aren't ready for a relationship. The rape is still new. You have to judge what's best for you. From your the words you write, it seems like you need more time. It will get better