[taeleen1]

hey all, wondering how many here either diagnosed with a mental health issue or the loved one of a person with a mental health issue can offer insight. My hubby doesn't really understand things in this category, I have heard him and many many other ppl say things like "if you wanna kill yourself, here's a gun" not necessarily to me, but in talking about another person with a mental health issue, who had attempted suicide. In talking to a friend once about being in the psychiatrists office the person blurted out, "well it's not like you are bipolar or schizo like all the other crazy ppl in there" and all I can think is that I am diagnosed bipolar and probably have a lot of other issues going on too, and at times I do feel crazy, and yes hand me that gun please...not right this second, if I were feeling that way I would be isolating myself, but I am wondering if I have just surrounded myself with jerks or if other ppl run into this same sort of thinking with their friends and loved ones. If so what do you do to help them better understand, is that even possible, or am I doomed to live my life surrounded by ppl who don't get it?

[Leed]

That is a HORRIBLE statement to make, even if it's supposedly "joking." There's nothing funny about suicide. But it amazes me the amount of people I've heard make that statement.

Unfortunately there ARE a lot of people who don't "get it." Many people are ignorant of the seriousness of mental illnesses. A lot of people think that if you have a mental illness, you must be crazy or mentally challenged, which isn't true. Anyone can be depressed, or have Bi-Polar disease, or any number of other mental illnesses --- but that doesn't make them crazy! They can still hold down jobs, and raise children and keep house like anyone else -- it's just more difficult.

When someone says that they FEEL suicidal it doesn't necessarily mean that they'll DO it. To have someone symbolically "offer a gun" is despicable!!! It's as bad as murder in my book!

People can be so ridiculously CRUEL -- it just amazes me. And to say that this makes me MAD is an understatement.

Thanks for bringing this up! Maybe some of the offenders will see it, although I doubt it. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Melancolic]

Originally Posted by taeleen1

I am diagnosed bipolar

am I doomed to live my life surrounded by ppl who don't get it?

Unless someone has it or grew up with siblings or parents with it, no they cannot comprehend it. Sorry to be direct.

[IceCreamKid]

Years ago my mother made several hurtful comments, criticizing me for taking anti-depressants; my coworkers have made comments about how they wouldn't want to work with people with mental problems and how they wouldn't want to take psychotropic medications. I haven't told them I have depression or that I take medication for it. I do try to gently instruct them that people with mental health issues are people first, that they need compassion and that many of them do work and/or could work if they were in supportive environments. When I have heard jokes about suicide I've calmly said I didn't find such conversation amusing. Since many people don't really intend to be mean or cruel, I try to word my response so as not to embarrass them.

[shezbut]

I think that the majority of general society doesn't understand mental illness, and we are all lumped into a group of "psychopaths" burdening both the economy and well-being of others in the world.

I know my bf had that perspective until relatively recently, even after his cousin almost died in a suicide attempt. Thankfully, my bf's perspective has become much more accepting than before. He doesn't want to lose me, but he also doesn't want to learn about the things that plague me. He thinks that I'll eventually gain some sense of self-worth by hearing how beautiful I am everyday. It doesn't work ~ but he's determined to keep trying that technique.

My bf is an avid gunman, so he's been warned by many professionals to not let me be around the guns and knives. Keep them locked up. I thought that there was no way that bf would agree to it, but he has. Kind of a surprise to me ~ but a good thing because my mind does still go to planning every now and then.

(((hugs)))

[Harley47]

Taeleen, I agree. It's horrible when people make statements like that. My only rationale is that perhaps it stems from a lack of understanding.

I wish in earnest I could say with a clear mind I've never said anything like that, but I'd be lying. My father and I aren't on the best of terms, and I learned when I was...oh...perhaps 15?...that he'd tried (unsuccessfully) to OD on painkillers during his divorce from my mother when I was a young child. I never said anything TO him, nor would I ever TO anyone in that position, but I do remember my words when I was told. I regret them. It's hard to understand what someone in that position feels when they're in that position. I only truly learned to appreciate it when I was assigned an assistant during my tenure as my JROTC unit's S1 who had bipolar disorder. She taught me a lot.

My point isn't to justify comments like that. There is none. Nor am I trying to defend those who make insensitive comments. My point is they don't get it. Sometimes it takes that little bit of understanding to realize what it means.

As far as making them understand, for me, it took months of talking to this cadet of mine. I noticed she would sporadically get very down, and I'd help her through that as best I could. When she told me she had bipolar disorder, she welcomed questions and answered them as I had them. For me, she was responsible for turning "bipolar disorder" from "just something my dad has" to something real. My father and I still aren't on good terms, but I at least understand that part of him now.

I hope I didn't ramble, and I hope I didn't offend anyone. I simply remember what it was like to be...well, frankly ignorant, and I wanted to offer my insight.

Take care. I hope I was of some help.

[Victoria'smom]

Getting offended or upset doesn't help a lot of things in general society are stigmatized. I have had very little problems when people "find out" any of these stigmatized topic about me, as long as they know me. I think as they "find out" more of their circle has x stigmatized part of their life the more acceptable they become. The other way is to lose a loved one to mental health issues to accept and be sensitive to it.

When I here statements like the gun statement, I have to ask why.This usually leads to an interesting conversation. Most people have not really thought about why they would "give someone a gun".

To things like "well it's not like you are bipolar or schizo like all the other crazy ppl in there", I say "but you'd love me anyways " in a joking tone kind to end that conversation and reassure myself.

Now to my extended family... My father has a particularly hard time acknowledging ANYTHING could possibly be wrong with [COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]me[/COLOR] and tries to convince me not to take my meds. The same dad urges his other daughter to get back on medication. My mom, and siblings could care less. My grandma just ask if it helps. DH's family agreed with me taking medication and getting help but DH did not need help. It was only when they unexpectedly lost someone close to them, and learned their loved one had mental issues, did they fully embraced the Dx and treatment for their son.

[taeleen1]

wow thanks for all the responses everyone. I have spent the last 12 yrs avoiding the topic of my mental illness with my husband, basically talking to my friend jenifer who is very supportive, but not even trying to talk to him about it. Basically, because I have heard this statement from him several times. At first it made me mad when he said it, about someone else, and then another time, I just felt hurt about it, even though it was still about someone else, I felt like he would easily say the same about me. On Friday morning, around 2am, I sent him a looooon text (prob not the best place to drop the bomb, but since he doesn't like talking on the phone, I wasn't sure where else to do it) and I laid it out for him, how I have been struggling with thoughts of suicide and how a few wks ago I went one step further in the planning (all but swallowing the pills) and the only thing that stopped me was my fear of failure and being put in an institution...he did not respond, or call, and when I called him and asked him he stated that he was concerned. Later that day, at some point, he decided he wasn't coming home, but didn't want to deal with me being upset about it, so decided not to call or let me know anything, it wasn't until the next day (after I had been up all night worrying, calling, texting everyone we knew, calling hospitals and police dept between our house here in NC and his appt in VA) when I was on my way to VA that his roommate decided to tell me he was in fact ok and in the appt...so needless to say I was furious that he would let me worry and he would try and hurt me in that way. I still don't understand how, given the information that he had about my mental status, that he could do what he did, I am at a complete loss on what to do.
shezbut, i have told my husband about the weapons too, he is military and doesn't seem to grasp the concept of me and guns not mixing, and at one point brought his rifle back from his sisters house, i promptly returned it.
I also spoke up to my brother, about how i have been feeling, and yesterday his GF who is a social worker in Missouri, called to "check on me" and offer to take the kids for a week in May (which makes me nervous, and kinda feel like she thinks I don't need to be around my kids) which brings me to another point, why do ppl automatically assume I would hurt my kids, ultimately when I feel like killing myself, it's been b/c i am feeling like my mental status is hurting my kids and they would be better off without me...not because i want something bad to happen to them.
Anyway thanks for all the info, still feel like ppl will never get it, i know that ppl tend to shy away from me after they learn the info...so I am just kinda not really sure about divulging it to a lot of ppl at this point, and after hubby's actions this past weekend, I am sure that wont change...feeling a lot isolated by this lately, hope the doc today can make a recommendation for a new shrink, cuz i need a new set of eyes to look at me and make a decision on how to treat this mess. thanks everyone!

[shezbut]

I should have shared how my ex-hub reacted.

As long as my ex-hub and I were together, I was always in therapy. (17 years) It's been a rough life! We moved out from Ca to Mn when our older daughter was 3 years old, and the youngest was less than one year old. I was a stay at home mom. And I assumed that my ex's family would visit us regularly, or we'd visit them, and I'd make some friends, the girls would make friends. It would be great!

Well, it didn't turn out that way at all. No one ever called or came by. There is no mass transportation or even cabs out here. We only had one car, which my hub used for work, 30 miles away! He worked a screwy schedule. 8-5, 1-cl, 1-cl, off, 8-5, 8-5, 1-cl, off, etc. It SUCKED!! I'd left my huge sense of support in Ca, MOMS Club (they're awesome!!), and had nothing to fill the void within myself.

My physical health took a quick downturn, which added significantly to my depression, and my hub always minimized my condition when people called to check on me. It drove me crazy!! I felt as though I was living in a bubble, just dying inside, and I couldn't take it. I seriously planned on taking my pills one night, but I didn't have close enough to take my life. I did see a counselor at that time, on Eric's day (or morning) off, who told me to go to the hospital.

I was in for 3 weeks, but I never really felt better or any more secure in my marriage. Under pressure, my hub lied and told me that he loved me and would always be there for me. I went home. A week later, I decided to share my story with him. In a moment of complete trust, I decided to admit that I had these pills. I planned to say that I didn't need them anymore and give them to him in a moment of tust. However ~ the pills weren't in my special cabinet. Confused, I asked how this could be. He said that he couldn't ever be with a woman that he couldn't trust. A woman who would seriously consider suicide was not a woman for him.

That was the end of our marriage. I was really devastated after that and went right back into the hospital again! As you might expect I'm a lot more cautious that I was before, which was pretty bad then. Thankfully, my current bf stood beside me and didn't leave me. But that doesn't give me any faith. The doctors and hospitals don't have any listing of people they should contact if something were to happen to me.

I'm not trying to depress you ~ though it sure sounds to be heading that way. Keep what is most important to you at the TOP of your mind. Never take your mind off that thing/s. Be strong for your kids if you feel strong about becoming their main source of support, if by chance, something were to happen with your hub. Unfortunately, bad stuff happens. Hopefully, you and your hub will be able to rise through your depression together.

[taeleen1]

shezbut, I have to say that while he didn't come right out and say it, he might as well have...he has yet to address the issue, and really only seems interested in talking about our sex life, idk, it might well be a doomed relationship if he doesn't snap out of it, i get that ppl are diff and ppl are raised to treat relationships diff, but i feel like we may not ever be really compatible...idk, not ready to give up yet, but not really sure that it will ever be better at this point. thx for the response, im sorry that your ex did that, but it is good to know that there are ppl who understand!

[Victoria'smom]

Is he willing to go to an appointment with you or couples therapy?

[taeleen1]

he lives in Virginia and I live in North Carolina, it's pretty much impossible to even try couples therapy at this point...we never have any time together...still gonna offer the idea to him, b/c as it stands now, it's not going to work

[taeleen1]

asked him just a little while ago and he responeded with "HOW ARE WE GONNA DO COUNSELING?" idk, i am at a complete loss!

[Victoria'smom]

Even if it's one or two sessions? Is he willing to read about it?

[taeleen1]

i don't know, he says he doesn't even want to talk to me right now...he has yet to even respond to my email from Fri morning, i dont think he wants to talk about it...feel pretty isolated right now, sitting in the hospital with my little boy (he is getting scheduled chemo) my only two real friends are pretty much unavailable, one's hubby cheated on her a cpl months ago and she is working through her issues, the other has a little boy (4 yrs old) who had retinoblastoma (eye cancer) and is now facing late effects of his chemo, myelodysplatic syndrome (pre-leukemia), so i feel pretty bad even trying to talk about my issues with them...that's what led me to this site, but i am pretty sure it's going to take some serious marriage counseling to get us over this hump...and i don't even know if he is open to the idea, he is just so stubborn, and sounds like he is unwilling to make any changes...or effort in this area,

[KeepingPace]

Some people cannot face other's pain or mental health issues- so they trivialize it or maginalize it. Your husband is either unwilling or unable to give you any sympathy- and that is just how he is- so find another more suitable person ( or Dr or Counselor)
to talk to. I find journaling helps a lot- I don't think people really mean to be brutal in their comments- they don't understand I think. Best wishes to you!

[Harley47]

Taeleen, please know my prayers are with you and your son.