[maymie]

For me my family has always been a trigger for me when it comes to my depression. More some family members than others. I love them very much but they are a big factor in what triggers my depression. They are the type who can find fault with me no matter. In fact they are pretty negative and to be honest its stressing me out. Usually they find fault with my looks and such but i"m getting married in August and they have nothing positive to say about any of it. I am going to have to move to a bigger city/town that is a hour away from them and they are negative about that, saying I won't survive and such because I'm from a small town. Then my parents are divorced and they are both negative about seeing each other at the wedding due to the fact they hate each other. Then my brother is being negative about everything I eat. I'm on a diet/lifestyle change and he has nothing positive to say about it. None of the food is ever perfect for him so he talks bad about that. Then they are all talking about how my marriage won't last. I get they are all divorced and such but not every marriage ends badly. Not everything has a bad outcome.
I have considered limiting my time with them but then i get to feeling bad about it and change my mind. I don't want to cut them out of my life just limit my time with them. I feel like limiting my time with them makes me a bad person.
Any advice.

[Confusedinomicon]

I think you are on the right mind track.

If you and your husband are able to move, do it. Then just visit during holidays and text/call them back every once in a while. That way if you start a family you don't have to worry about your children being around that much negativity.

You're not abandoning them if you're moving on in YOUR life. It's not like you intend to shut them off completely. They need to respect you and your wishes.

It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you stronger for wanting a life with more positivity in it.

[Koko2]

My family is rather negative too, and usually have unsolicited negative comments. Limiting your time with them is a good idea.

[Leed]

I definitely agree with the other posters!!! My gosh, they're deflating you before you even have any air in you!! Good grief!

This should be an exciting time in your life -- you're getting married! With a family like that, I don't know HOW you could be excited! Moving is the perfect solution. You and your husband-to-be will have a GOOD chance at having a good life together. You won't have that constant black cloud hanging over your head.

In the meantime, ask them NICELY to PLEASE stop being so negative as it is bothering you and taking away some of your joy. You might tell them also that if they continue to "nag" at you, you'll just have to stop visiting as it is too stressful for you. Be honest with them -- what they're doing is verbal abuse. They should know better than this. People who love each other don't continually berate each other. They try to LIFT each other's spirits!!

I wish you the very best! I hope everything works out, and that your wedding is the most wonderful day in your life! God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[NuckingFutz]

Sounds like the type of family that if they won the lottery, would complain about the money the government would take out of it instead of enjoying their part. Also sounds like a bucket of crabs...all the other crabs grab the one trying to get out of the bucket.

I agree with other posters. I believe some therapists call it "low contact". Now that you will be married, your husband comes first before your family of origin. How great is that?

Looking for some inspiration, try reading "The Power of Positive Thinking". It's a great book to insulate you from all the negativity you have faced. Surround yourself with positive influences.

I wish you the best in your marriage...it's communication, commitment and comprimise.

[Irreplaceable]

Your family is not supportive of you. At all. You are making big life changes and they are telling you that you are going to fail when they should be showing you support. Who does that? Getting married should be one of the happiest times of your life, yet you have negativity all around. Your parents need to put themselves aside for ONE DAY for their daughter. It's called being unselfish. If they don't want to be around each other, they should smile, bit their tongue, fake it, and take one for the team. Which is you. It's not that hard. If they don't like each other, they don't need to speak but at least be cordial. They can fake it for you for one day. If they are complaining about having to see each other on your big day, they need to stop. You have too much to worry about with wedding plans vs having to baby someone else's feelings. I would be straight forward with them. I would. Accomodate them within reasonable demands.

You need to do what is best for you. I can't tell you what you should do. And I may not be a good person to get advice from on things like this. Because i'm the type of person where, I don't need negative energy around me. Whether it comes from family or not. I love my family, but there are people that I stay away from because I don't need the negative energy bringing me down. All they have to say is one thing, and I am all out of wack and I don't need that. I have cut off contact or decreased contact with people because they are my trigger. I have absolutely no problem with telling someone when and why they are wrong, and distancing myself if need be. You can do things in a way that is respectful of other's feelings yet looking out for yourself at the same time. Sounds like you have haters around. They are divorced and miserable so they want to bring you down. Good luck and congrats!

[Perna]

I try to remember that others don't realize that they are not the only ones being negative at the same time they are. There is only one of us but several of them so it appears to us to build up and like everyone is negative, etc. But it sounds like each person is just being concerned about themselves in relation to you; that your brother does not like your diet does not "add" to your parents not wanting to see one another at your wedding. I would confront the people, individually, when they bring up their pet peeve around you; tell them you do not wish for their negative comments, would like positive ones, you have enough problems of your own, don't need theirs!

[maryesq]

I'm pretty much here for the same reason. I want to kill my sister. She is a narcisstic ***** and if it isn't about her then she wants nothing to do with it or anyone else. My parent's 50th anniversary is coming up and my sister said it was too much of a "hassle" to try to get everyone together to celebrate. She told my parents that it would be a "circus" trying to get all the kids and grandkids together on the same day and maybe we should just "do our own thing". What a *****. My mother cried for two days. So of course I am not only the scapegoat, but also the "fix it" and make it perfect person. My mother called me and asked me what I had told my sister to upset her so much. **** that. My sister just couldn't be bothered planning anything. It wasn't about her, or for her, and it was a bother. Plus she didn't want to spend a penny. So because I 'm the sick crazy one (I have depression) my sister told her that I was unable to help plan and it was just "too much" for my sister to do on her own. So my mother called and said I was being selfish for not even trying to help put something together. How in the hell is this all getting blamed on me? Because EVERYTHING that goes wrong in this family gets blamed on me, that's why !!! My sister is perfect and can do no wrong and my baby brother is the prince and wouldn't even be expected to chip in and pay for anything. So not only are my parents not having any kind of celebration, but it all got blamed on me and I wasn't even involved !! I hate them all and wish I could just move to another planet and let them all just deal with each other. I'd love to see who they blame their problems on if I wasn't around. really crappy day