Am I abusing her? (probably not triggering, but not sure)

Hi, I was just wondering if this is abuse or not. This is the closest sub-forum for this I could find.

My former friend turned me down for a date and then she refused to talk to me and blocked me on Facebook because she though I was being "creepy". She was really mean rejecting me, said she wouldn't go out with a loser like me.

We eventually made up again, but then I got jealous when I found out about other things she was doing without me, and started sending her emails and texts calling her names, intending to hurt her emotionally to get revenge. She told me to stop it and grow up, so I left her for a while and then did it about 2 or 3 more times because I'm so angry at her, I want her to hurt. I tried apologizing to her and she said I was abusing her and if I didn't stop contacting her and stay away from her she would seriously consider getting the police involved. I didn't mean to let my emotions get out of control like this. What should I do?

I would have to say to stay away. While I can understand being angry for people who are cruel, there is that line you seem to be tiptoeing around. She's asked to not be contacted by you, and it would only take one phone call from you after she says that and she can have a restraining order nailed to you. She may have been harsh, but you have to be the bigger person and step away. You aren't going to make her feel bad for how she treated you, no matter how mean you are, you're stooping to her level by trying to hurt her. I never have the desire to see someone "hurt" it hurts me to see anyone hurt, even my worst enemy. To intentionally inflict pain onto another person for your own personal gain (because you are mad and want to see her suffer) I'm sorry but that sounds like the verry essence of abuse. Step back over the line, give it a break for your sake. You don't want to be that person

You have to know that you are bullying her, threatening her, harassing her, if this continues and if she feels unsafe with you, she could very well have the law on her side. When she says stay away, you should not attempt to contact her in any way just so this situation won't get out of hand and you won't get into any trouble

How old are you? It could be some middle school drama but nowadays it is not alright at all. I know you don't mean to do this, but it is also important to realize when you're causing harm to another human being

Yes, you are abusing/bullying her. To put it simply. My advice is to stop and keep away before she or her parents get a Court Injunction (US: restraining order) on you which means you will be arrested anytime you contact her and you will end up with a criminal record. An Injunction is civil, but it will show up in any enhanced CRB checks as you will be flagged as a risk. Not to be harsh, but you need to get over her. Harassing her is only turning her more and more against you and making yourself feel bad (evidently by your post on this forum). Is this worth effing your future up over? So 5-10 years down the road you find your employment and travelling prospects limited all because of a tiff like this? I think you should not only get over her but get away from her as a friend, the friendship is a broken mirror and you will need absence to help you move on, otherwise the temptation to be nasty and jealous will still be there. I am not being judgmental, I've done screwed up things out of jealousy and plain despair myself, and the damage it causes is never good. There's a thin line between being devious/spiteful and being literally criminal.

I agree with the other posters--just let her be. you can't make her feel hurt or sad--you only can make her scared at this point. something I've learned as an adult is (and I have to keep reminding myself of this) is that you can't control how anyone else feels or reacts, you can only control your reaction. the mature thing to do is walk away...

there are other fish in the sea. no need to get upset about this one rejecting you. take care.

You said you made up with her, so the problem then started when you started getting jealous of what she was doing without you and sending her hateful text messages. So it ha nothing to do with her rejection of you as a partner, it's just about petty jealousy.

According to your post.

You have no real reason then to be sending her hate mail, so I would call it a form of online bullying.

Hi steel x,

I think it is good that you have come on here to check this out - I know sometimes when we are hurting it can be hard to take the perspective of someone else that we may be taking things out on. You said the person told you that you were abusing her and I would take that at face value - if it feels like abuse to her, then it is just that.

Not sure whether you have considered seeing a therapist to talk about how you feel and / or how to manage your emotions in a different way?

Soup